Why is it hard to understand that I dont want kids?!?!?

Question

PLEASE read full details before giving an answer!

Background: Im 29, male, in a committed, long term, cohabitational, monogamous relationship with a great 25 woman. She feels the same way. I made my decision when I was 14. My reasons: I have several genetic health concerns that will get passed on to any male. I enjoy kids....but enjoy when they go home too! Kids are a financial burden and I have yet to enjoy a place in life with excess $$$. I have a Machiavellian approach to the world dont want to raise a child in what i see around me. I dont think Im that selfless of a person to really give what it takes. Just being honest!

My questions: when questioned about my kids.... i always hear. "you'll change your mind" "well when the times right" "if its gods will" "but kids are such a blessing"

why cant for once a parent just say... Im glad you have thought it thru. I wish more people would take the nature of parenting seriously. Isnt this better for the kids? the world?

Answer 1

Even if you were 100% healthy it's your decision to have children or not.

Children are wonderful.....but they do change your life.

It's better to not have children if you don't want them then to have them because other people think you should.

Stay the course.

Answer 2

i hate when people question other's decisions.... and i'll tell you this: i loved having my kids... and i'm glad that someone that wouldn't enjoy it would decide against it! kids have to have parents that REALLY wanted them! so i applaud you for making the choice to have no kids,when it's what both you and your significant other want!

Answer 3

I'm glad you have thought it through.  I hope you and your partner enjoy life to the fullest in the way you feel is best for your family.  (and yes, I believe couples are family - with or without children)

Answer 4

Wow, good for you.  So many come children come in to the world with unexpecting and unprepared parents. Really without a long detailed explanation, bottom line, is it is your decision.  Doesn't matter what others think.  Kind of like if you were having a baby and no one liked the name you picked out.  Doesn't matter, it's your kid.  In this case, it's your life.  People are telling you this b/c they, themselves may not have wanted kids either, then life happened, and they did anyway.  And no one, ever regrets their child.

Answer 5

I see nothing wrong with your decision. I always knew I wanted kids but thats ME. Its not everyone. I think highly of you for knowing and realizing this and taking it seriously and not just having kids b/c "everyone else does"

Answer 6

I'd say at 29 years old you probably have a good handle on what you want out of life. If you were 18 saying you never want kids I would agree with what other people say - you'll probably change your mind. But, at this point, I'd say you probably won't. I used to say I never wanted kids, but about 2 years ago I guess my clock just started ticking and here I am, pregnant with my first. It's still possible that you could change your mind, but with your genetic health concerns, I understand that you wouldn't want to pass something on to your child....   Good for you.

Answer 7

its the same way with someone who doesnt like chocolate...or a really good movie, good for you stick to your guns! you may change your mind but by your age i think you already know what you want out of life

Answer 8

Not everyone wants to be a parent. If that is your decision, then that is your decision and people should respect that.

Answer 9

because people believe that everyone no matter who they are want the same things. Good financially stable job, good relationship that will eventually lead to marriage, than after marriage happens, the whole buying a house, than filling that house and finally having kids in the house. raising children, sending children off on their own and then peaceful retirement. It's what everyone thinks is supposed to happen so when someone says they don't wish for that and they have good reason everyone thinks they are right in saying you'll change your mind. I think that your choice is wise, you've thought it through, obviously for a good long time and you've come to a very good conclusion that our world isn't that great. You realize you don't have the right backing with money to support a child for 18 long years. I say good for you. I'm 38 weeks pregnant and it came as a surprise, but we are able to support the child financially and believe that even though the world around us is turning into a pretty S****y one, we will still be able to raise a child. good luck to you sir:)

Answer 10

I agree with you. If you really don't have a strong desire for kids then it's more selfish to have them than it is to not have them. I think it's perfectly fine to not want kids. Some people just can't understand why anyone would not love what they love you just have to ignore those people.

Answer 11

Each to their own.......absolutely!

i guess the lack of understanding or acceptance of your decision by others is just that they are programmed to expect that everyone wants the same out of life as they expect/want for themselves........

Doesn't everyone want a car? (no!)

Doesn't everyone love junk food? (no!)

Doesn't everyone love their parents?(no!)

Doesn't everyone want to buy their own home? (no!)

Doesn't everyone believe in an afterlife? (no!)

Doesn't everyone want children?????

I guess it is just something people either can or can't understand.....which isn't a problem in itself.....they just need to be more openly respectful of your right to choose what you want for yourself........

The only person who really should worry about how you feel regarding this issue, is your partner....and she's cool....so good for you!

Good luck

Answer 12

Okay, here's my opinion and answer:

If you have thought it out and decided not to have children and you have taken measures to prevent them, if you have made responsible choices that would not conflict with your decision to be child-free (birth control, choose a partner that agrees)... then I am all for you.  If a person doesn't want children but is immature about it and says it's because they "hate" kids or if he/she is sleeping around with everyone they meet and not even trying to prevent a pregnancy, I have no respect for them and I doubt they are mature enough to have made such a huge decision. (What mature person would 'hate' an inocent child?)

I personally do not want anyone being a parent unless they want to.  That is the worst thing for a child.

I think if more of us 'parents' would stop being so judgmental to 'un-parents', there wouldn't be so much competition between us to be right.  My choice is right for me and your choice is right for you...so be it.

Answer 13

I dont see it being a problem at all, especialy since your girlfriend has the same idea,

My best friend doesnt want to have kids either.

I think its very good that you thought it thru, better that than to have a child and regret it!

Have you thought of getting yourself cut, or her tubes tied?

Answer 14

I understand exactly where your coming from, and respect what you feel, and have decided. I have a cousin (by marriage) that is 32 and decided he too doesn't want children.

Personally I have 2 children and 1 more on the way, but that doesn't mean that parenting is for everyone. I'm not sure why others wouldn't understand where your coming, maybe because parenting is such an awesome experience and feeling that I've never felt before and maybe others just want you to experience that. Instead they look at it as if you miss out in life. When truly, you haven't missed out on anything. I say if this is the life  you want to persue, then go for it.