Why is it offensive?

Question

To inquire about the costs of adoption. I am really confused about this. How can one know if adoption is possible for them if they do not know what they are facing financially. I ask the prices for everything including how much it was going to cost to deliver my daughter by a midwife. I do nothing in life before inquiring to the cost. Why would adopting be any different.

Answer 1

I don't think it's any different than asking about the cost of a wedding..  Just people like to make you feel like a baby snaching woman looking to buy a baby.Also there's a "if you have to ask you can't afford it" mentality in the adoption circle.

I didn't BUY my son. I paid for a process just like my weddingand I didn't BUY my husband either.

Answer 2

It's not any different.  It's just that some people are offended by adoption in general.  By talking about the cost of the process, it probably makes them feel as though couples are shopping for, and therefore purchasing a child.

But, I wonder if they are just as offended when a couple asks about the cost of prenatal care/delivery, or when someone price checks all the various pregnancy testing kits and ovulation tests available.  Somehow, I doubt it.

BTW, Adoption....if we are not allowed to discuss it, how do you expect it to ever change?

Answer 3

I agree. Adoption is a process. A lot of times you have to take classes and there are MANY preparations to make that are usually optional if you have a child of your own. I don't see why it would be offensive. Even if you can afford to take care of the child once you have them, what if you can't afford all of the up front costs and want to know how much to save?

Answer 4

would someone plan a child without searching out a pediatrician, health insurance and an ob/gyn? i hope not. before we planned on having our 3rd kid (still trying), we sat down and discussed the prices of baby food, how much adding maternity insurance would be, insurance for the baby, food, clothing., and a ton of other expenses. adoptive parents have to consider all of that plus the added expense of lawyers and other Adoption fees. good luck and remember , some people are just @$$es by nature

Answer 5

I don't think that the question in and of itself is offensive.

But I do think this may not be the best place to ask.

why not ask the agencies themselves?

Answer 6

I think there's some difference in *how* the question is presented. I know we've been asked about costs IRL before. There's a big difference between "would you be willing to tell me more about the fees involved" versus "how much did you have to pay for him?"

I can see how some of the phrasing of questions, even if they were meant with the best intentions, could be offensive to some people. There have been questions like "What's the cheapest way to adopt?" and "Where can I get a baby fast and cheap?"

It's important to go into the adoption with knowledge of many aspects of it, including financial. But when it seems that's the *only* thing some people are interested in, and when they put it so...um... bluntly, I can see where it would hurt. Sometimes it makes *me* cringe, too.

Answer 7

There is nothing offensive.  When you inquire, the person you're talking to can either answer or not.  However, it is only logical and normal that you would inquire.

Answer 8

Why?  Can't  you see why?  For example:

http://answers.yahoo.com/my/profile;_ylt...

Quote:

""I am looking for someone to help me adopt 1 - 2 little girls. I can not legally adopt a child because I think you have to be 25 and I am not yet. I will pay $10,000 cash per child for anyone who will help me adopt a child. More details or complaints or critisizations -- Send me a e-mail message.""

Not offensive enough, try this one:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Quote

"Hi does anyone know where i can adopt a newborn in springfield il for a cheap price?

hi my husband and i are looking to adopt a newborn in springfield il but we dont have enough money to go through an adoption agency"

or this:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Quote:

"How can i go about a cheap adoption?"

This one's a doozy:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... 0427121717AA23mGm

Quote:

"Meaning, we don't want to buy the cheapest child just because he or she is cheap!"

Answer 9

i don't think it's offensive.  you are right, you have to know the cost before you sink yourself into something/anything that can drain you financially.

Answer 10

Who found this offensive? I guess that is my first question...your partner?  If so, maybe there are reasons for it - thinking why put a "price" on our child. Not to say that is why you asked or your intentions, but just a thought.

Otherwise, I do not know why anyone would consider it offensive.  I would consider going elsewhere (different agency, hospital, etc) if that is how you felt.  It is a legitimate question - a RESPONSIBLE question.  Too bad they could not see that.

Answer 11

I don't think it is offensive, just that a lot of people are concerned that it has become a business.

Here is usually how it goes:

Through social services:  Free-$1000.00.... usually the best way to go, but because of long waits and lack of infants people will choose either:

Private agencies or International adoption, both of which can be over $10 000.00

A great site to look at is:  http://statistics.adoption.com/informati...  Which gives the stat average costs of various forms of adoption.

Edit:  Also, if you are adopting an older child, or a child with disabilities, some social services offer what is called "support for stability" which is basically ongoing money for medical expenses and such to ensure that the child is well-provided for without unnecessary stress on the family.

Answer 12

I think its the way people ask.  I can read a question about finances and know even before I open it up to read the answers who has answered this question and how insulted they got.  

I KNOW why they ask and it should be asked, really how else would you know if you could do it.  I GET IT!!  BUT I dont ask , hey where can i find a baby for cheap (which I have seen).  I might ask, "does anyone know what the Agency fees are for adopting a child in the US.  What does the fees include....blah, blah blah.  And you know what, if I get rude answers or answers that have nothing to do with my question, I ignore it.

There are certain words and phrases that really trigger a nerve in people who are adoptee rights activists.  As you all know ...some people get more pissed off than others and also some are also very young and immature and do not know how to express themselves yet.  And then there are those that just feel much safer behind a monitor and keyboard to be able to be rude and offensive.  So take it with a grain of salt, watch your wording or go to another forum where the groups are better monitored.