Why is it painful *every* single time?

Question

My boyfriend and I have just recently starting having s*x. We were both virgins at the time. Over the past three weeks or so we have tried having s*x about six times. Within those six times, we've only had real s*x once(it was the second time we tried). What I mean by that is, he's only gotten it all the way in only once. All the other times the pain was just far too unbearable. EXCRUCIATING. I had to stop and just give up.

After that first time I bled quite a bit for a day so I was sure my hymen was broken. But ever since then, every time we try to have s*x it is just still so incredibly painful! I don't get it, isn't it supposed to get better each time? Because it certainly isn't!

I'm 19 years old so it can't be because I'm not fully grown yet. We've made sure I'm sexually excited enough and well lubricated. We've even used a water based lube thinking that would help. We've tried all sorts of positions and it just still hurts! And it can't be because my boyfriend is too big. He's not huge at all.

My boyfriend has been very patient and understanding and I appreciate that. But I'm starting to get frustrated! Could something be wrong? Or should I just buck up and deal with the pain? Any advice?

Thank you. And please don't laugh at me. I feel awkward enough even asking this.

Answer 1

i think that it would be very admirable to just deal with the pain so that your boyfriend can finish and enjoy the s*x, but that is not what you should do...I would recomend more foreplay, and better lube. also if you are thinking about how it is going to hurt before you start you are likely to think about it more and then it will happen. try to not think about the pain, but instead feel the sensations...

Answer 2

Lubricate heaps, use condoms, and try and get the 'juices flowing'. It might just be because your v****a has become adjusted to s*x quite yet. So keep trying, but not to the point where you start bleeding. You should eventually adjust to it.  

Answer 3

Use lube and go slow and make sure your not tensing up

Answer 4

I don't have any piece of advise for you, but I'm a 19 year old guy and I'm still a virgin, so it's nice to know other people have waited this long besides of me. : )

Answer 5

well... there's that idea that only the first time is supposed to hurt but that's not entirely true; especially with the way you described it.

Yeah, sure he's broken your hymen but thats not necessarily the part thats supposed to hurt so much. Rather it's the act of insertion into your rather small space that hurts.

SO yeah, after you've fully had s*x (like until he's done) a few times, there's a good chance it's going to hurt. Im not sure if I'm interpreting this incorrectly or not but from the way you wrote it, it seems like you guys have only put it in but never actually had s*x. s*x, in this case, meaning constant repetitive insertion until o****m. Once you've actually completely the act a few times all the way through, the your v****a will be experienced and stretched out enough that it won't always hurt.

Unfortunately, it seems like you're going to have to just bear it. Your boyfriend seems like a nice guy who cares about you so it's going to suck for both of you. For you because it's going to hurt like h**l those first few times and for him because if you show your pain, he'll know you're hurting and feel really bad. But... either way, you're going to have to fully have s*x SOME day, whether it's now or on your wedding night or whatever. So you're going to have to accept the pain SOMETIME. If you're not ready for it now, then dont do it. If you are ready, then by all means, go ahead.

Answer 6

I don't know much on the subject but from what I've found, s*x should pretty much never be painful (except for maybe the first time).

http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/wha/wha_p...

http://www.web4health.info/en/answers/se...

http://boards.webmd.com/webx?THDX@@.89a4...

They can probably help more than I can.

Good luck.

You probably shouldn't try s*x anymore until you get this checked out.

Answer 7

you are probly just tense, try drinkin a llil bit and get a good buzz goin before you start that helped me when i first started having s*x, now i am a FREAK

Answer 8

Don't even *try* unless you're very, *very* turned on and very slippery... a couple of orgasms first will also help your v****a to be stretchier and more insistent on having something inside - and if you don't get very wet no matter how horny you are, have some water-based lube (KY, Astroglide, Wet or similar) handy... and no matter what, go SLOW until you're comfortable.

EDIT:

"I usually o****m at least twice before we start."

If this is so *and* you're very well lubed either naturally or otherwise, then the posibility of "vaginismus" is definitely something you should consider talking to your doctor about.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

"This is the result of a conditioned reflex of the pubococcygeus muscle, which is sometimes referred to as the 'PC muscle'. The reflex causes the muscles in the v****a to tense suddenly, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration—including sexual penetration—either painful or impossible.

A vaginismic woman does not consciously control the spasm. The vaginismic reflex can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. The severity of vaginismus and the pain during penetration, including sexual penetration, varies from woman to woman."

Answer 9

If this continues you may want to get checked for endometriosis.  Painful intercourse can be a sign.

Answer 10

Dude. For me, it was painful every time for like 2 months. You do need to give yourself time to heal. Everyone already said this, but use lube, go slow, and o****m. Something they didn't suggest is RELAX. If you are tense, or stressed, your muscles will be tense, this includes your v****a, which will make s*x more painful.

Also, do you have a yeast infection? Those make s*x very painful and unpleasant.  

Answer 11

If you recently lost your virginity, give yourself time to heal! Just use manual stimulation and let him finger you then in about a week or two try again! Good luck

Answer 12

You might be very tense. When the muscles tense up, it hurts a lot more. Try relaxing a little and use a lot of lubrication and make sure he goes slow for awhile until you get used to it.

Answer 13

well im still a virgin. so i don't know how i can help you. i think i read something that someone here already mentioned... but yes after losing your virginity for the first time, give your body time to heal. allow your partner to go down on you, l**k you out and finger you. this will help as its still allowing your body to heal but at the same time gradually getting it use to having something inside it. good luck. im actually terrified to have s*x, my boyfriend is not a virgin and he's been very patient with me, because he knows that he has to wait until i am ready. so wish me luck too lol take care.