Why is it so difficult to adopt older children in the US when so many need parents?

Question

We have our homestudy done and everything in place but the kids. I don't blame social workers for choosing the people who appear to be as good parents as us but have all the material world items and upper middle++ income to boot. What I am upset about is the over 100,000 available older children who are waiting in the foster care system while we wade as prospective parents through a sea of false hopes. We are not trying to take children from their parents but do the best we can to love and raise some who are in that situation.

There's something broken here. Do you see it too?

Answer 1

i'll pray for you and your soon to be family. i can't wait to turn 21 and adopt//foster myself. i give you all the hope in the world and i hope you dont have to wait any longer. may you and your family be blessed. the system does need to be changed. thank you so much for reaching out your hearts and changing someones life for the better...<3

Answer 2

Yes, it is insane.  While it is important to protect the safety of all kids who will be adopted, some of the overly-strict regulations and bureacratic red tape make domestic adoption a real nightmare.  It does not end up serving the children very well at all.

It makes me mad when people who know nothing about what it takes to adopt go on and on about how easy and cheap it is to adopt older children in the US.  They just don't realize how hard it is.  I applaud you and your partner for staying with it, and I hope you get your referral soon!

Answer 3

I think a lot of people see older children as problems that come

with baggage, I think they feel that if they get a young child they

can train the child to meet their specifications, sadly most people don't want to take the time, or have the patience for the older children.

Answer 4

My husband and I have had the same experience.  We started out as adoptive parents, wanting to adopt through foster care.  We assumed it would not take long, since we were willing to take children up to 10 years old (We were both under 30, so teenages didn't seem like a great idea for us), and up to 3 siblings.  However, after many hopeful placements, we still didn't get a adoptive placement for over a year.  

After that, we decided to become foster parents, hoping that would lead to an adoptive placement.  Well, we still haven't adopted because none of our children have been able to be adopted, but we love being foster parents.  Currently, we have 3 children with us and two may be adopted by us!  If you are interested in adopting older children, you may want to become foster to adopt parents instead of just an adoptive placement.  Adoption through foster care takes a long time.  I know that it seems the system is broken, and at times I would strongly agree with you, but I also believe that the system is trying to do what is best for the children and they want to make sure that the children end up with thier forever family.  Keep your hopes and dreams alive.  I'm sure it will happen for you, and consider foster parenting!

Answer 5

The problem that I'm seeing is that many of the kids we inquire on are "settled into their foster placements and don't want to move again." So, for say 100,000 of the kids that are in the foster system and "adoptable," maybe 20,000 of them truly are, and these might not be the ones that you look at and think "oh, s/he looks like a neat kid. why don't we adopt him/her?" Don't give up hope. The right child(ren) will come along.

Answer 6

It's like dogs everyone wants the cute puppies that are fluffy and trainable not the 6 year old german shepard cross that has an infected eye. Also it would be more like having a biogical son/daughter.

Answer 7

Adopting older children is not as easy as people might think.  Older children are in the system for many reasons -- all tragic.   They are hurting, acting out, may be depressed, needy and detached.  They may have special emotional or physical needs.  They may require therapy for the rest of their lives.  They struggle, and it takes parents who are fully prepared, in every way, to meet their needs.

I worked with an adoptive family once whose child suddenly required special medical care.  They drove 2 hours (one way) to therapy twice a week for two years.  Not every parent has that kind of time, those resources, or that kind of devotion.

And, the last thing these precious kids need, is a parent who unravels the adoption because they were not prepared or ready to parent this child.

I truly hope that you are successful in adopting.  But in my years of experience, I have never seen finances be the reason a family is not approved to adopt from the state, unless the family is in debt, does not provide tax returns, or makes under 30K.  They work with singles, older parents, parents with many children, even parents on disability.  But what they are concerned about, is that the family does have enough financial stability that they will not struggle or be bankrupted if a special need requires their attention.  

Ask you Social Worker for specifics.  Sometimes they won't share this, for fear of muddying the water, but you can certianly ask!  And, there are other agencies who have contracts with your state, if you want to try another agency.  Call the Protective Services office, and ask for the names of those agencies.

The best of luck to you!

Answer 8

it is true.  They have all these commercials and ads and everything saying how these kids need good homes but believe me, just because someone has money does not make them a good parent.  Until the system truely understands that, these kids will continue to wait and wait for good, low to mid income parents because the upper class always get children first and there is something wrong with that.

Answer 9

everybody want the babies

Answer 10

yes. something is VERY VERY wrong with the adoption system in the united states.

That is why i am considering going to school to become a adoption counselor. I think it would be a good career path sine i myself am adopted!

Anyways, my aunt and uncle did the HUGE HUGE task of adopting two older children, they were biologically brother and sister.  They were welcomed into the family and we had a parrty for them and they became very attatched because they had never had such a close family as we have with grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles who love eachother so much.

Then, all of the sudden, their biological mother got counseling for her drug problem.  As soon as she got out of counseling THEY TOOK THE CHILDREN AWAY!

I guess there is like a 6 month period of time where the mother can take them back or something? (needs to be erased)

Just beacuse that mom went through therapy does NOT mean she is suitable for those children's lives.  

The chance of a relapse is so large i just don't understand how that makes to be a good decision by the system.

I have no idea where those kids are today and it makes me SICK.

Also the fact that i had a closed adoption (in the late 80's)

and i cannot even get ahold of any of my medical history or any kind of background on my family which is very important so i can try to protect myself from future health risks.

Something big needs to change and soon there are too many children without parents and i hate it so bad,\

Answer 11

It is challenging.  Those kids do need loving, stable homes where they can thrive.  Some systems are better than others.

It sounds like you're going through the foster system.  How specific are you being about the child(ren) you're wanting to bring into your home.  Things will happen quicker if you're open to different races, sibling groups, broader age range, special needs of some kind, etc.  Only agree to things you really can handle, though (don't say you can handle a child with severe physical special needs if you're not truly ready for it).

Another thing to consider is being willing to foster a child/children.  If you have children in your home as a foster family and the parental rights are terminated, then you'd be able to be the first to request a permanent placement.  It also has the side benefit of you knowing the kid(s) and them knowing you, too.  The familiarity can be a huge blessing.  Anyway just something to consider.

I hope it all goes well.  I understand about not wanting to take kids away from their parents.  We're adoptive parents & it breaks my heart to know that a family had to be broken apart and our daughters had to experience such loss to be brought into our families.  We didn't want their family to be broken, but I'm sure glad we were there to give them love and stability.

Answer 12

Older childern means reuires much more adoption fees.In addition,it also means u must be able to provide the best for him/her.Do u hv the money to bring them up properly.If u cant and unable to meets the min fianance background its going to be very difficuit

Answer 13

it's like when you go to the pound, you wanna get a puppy, not an older dog.  its the same sort of thing.  you see a little kid, and you think, oh how cute!  plus there's the fact that a baby hasn't started forming its own opinions yet, as compared to an older child.