Why is it so hard for people to get???

Question

is it really that hard for people to get? why is it easy for people to understand the bond of seperated twins but not the bond between mother and child?

If twins (and it isn't just identical twins but faternal twins two) can be born and seperated from birth, still feel like they have a twin, dress alike, talk alike, walk alike, do the same type of work, and have seperation disorders to the point they have wanted to stop seperating twins. why is it so hard to believe that a child that didn't share the womb with anyone would have the same problems? we touched her, heard her voice, felt her rub us when we kicked, sing to us when she was in the shower. why do we not get the same understanding? is it not the same? seperated twins don't remember anymore than we do. why is it so hard for people to see the pain felt from seperation at birth situations? not just from twins but from our nmothers too? why do people think i should just get over it?

Answer 1

Because it is different.  Twins shared an egg, or at the least a uterus, developing and growing alongside each other.

I'm a birthmother, and I don't think the initial bond between mother and child is insignifican, I fully believe in it, understand it, and have felt it.

I also know that a mother and child are two separate beings, granted, baby is born of the mother, but is still it's own being.  Twins are two halves of a whole, very literally.  

My brothers are twins, and have always had a unique bond that they didn't have even with our Mother.  If you'd seen or felt it, you'd know it was there.

Answer 2

I think it's wrong to say the twin bond is the eqivilant of the mother/child bond.  So little is really known about human development and neurology that explaining the "twin bond" has thus far proved impossible.  

However, the mother/child bond is NOT completely insignificant.  However, that bond has been broken for centuries with mostly successful results.  Since children are incredibly adaptable, and the experience of birth so tramatic anyway, getting a "new mother" is really only a drop in the bucket.  Considering the historical rate of child birth mortality, infants have routinely been seperated from the womb that housed them, and life goes on.  

No one is claiming that seperating mothers and infants is an ideal scenerio.  The point is simply that it has always happened, and while it is trajic, it should not be enough to ruin a life.  Children are adaptable, and history has proved that newborns adapt to new mother figures quite well.  

Twins, on the other hand, remain a total mystery.  The only thing history has proven, in reguards to twins, is that no one really understands what is going on.  Heck, some cultures reguarded twins as so unnatural that they killed one of them.  Others reguarded them as so special that they were revered.  Thus, I don't think that twin seperation is anything close to the equivilant of mother/child seperation.

Answer 3

From what I'm gathering, you may have been given up for adoption or had to give a child up for adoption.  Either way, I understand.  I think that maybe you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people.  You need some sort of support system.  I can understand the longing of wanting to know biological siblings and parents.  It's hard to wonder if that person that has the same eyes as you is related or not.  Or dream about one day being surprised by your biological family, only to find that it really is just a dream.  It sounds to me like you have some issues that need to be sorted out.  You need a support group or church family that you can turn to.  The people telling you to get over it, don't need to be the one's you lean on when you are hurting.  Hopefully you will get the love and support you need.

Answer 4

I've wondered this myself.  As I was thinking about your question, a line from Simon And Garfunkel's "The Boxer" kept going through my head:  "still the man hears what he wants to hear And disregards the rest"

We recognize the really bad cases, when a child has to be taken from his or her mother.  They are sad, but many recognize that adoption is necessary.  It's gone beyond that today.  But if we admitted the tragedy, we'd have to face it.  We, human beings, like to believe that the world is basically good and people are basically alright.  That's why we assume poor people choose to be poor.  People with STDs got what they deserve.  Etc.  And...  adoptees are generally happy, well-adjusted people.  Those that aren't?  Something must have gone wrong.  Something other than adoption itself.

It's not exactly lack of compassion or empathy.  It's more a state of denial which mental health is predicated upon.  The thought of murders and rapes happening every day is overwhelming to us, so we tune it out, ignore it.  We can't always, but if we always thought about it, we would be devastated.  The thought that adoption might be causing pain to millions of children every day, and that it might be an ongoing condition?  That would be too much to bear.  

So society tells itself that everything is fine.  Adoption is good.  There are a few unhappy people, but you always have unhappy malcontents.  Ignore them.  The thought of acknowledging them would be too hard.

Answer 5

I get the bond. There is a bond with sibblings too. I pray that someday my son will be aloud to be a part of his biological siblings.

I think that mothers and children should be kept together and only separated as a LAST RESORT and the same for siblings.

Answer 6

Never mind.  I didn't read the category.

Answer 7

I get it - TOTALLY!

It makes me a crazy when folks ask for proof of bonding between fetus and mother in utero! It is if they can't believe that it occurs. Weird, huh?

I've been told to "get over it" too. Right.

Answer 8

I am not sure what you are asking but, it sounds like you were seperated from your parent or a child was seperated from you. I couldn't imagine either situation. But a little more info may be nice so we can help you....

Answer 9

Not everyone feels that bond.  I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that it doesn't for everyone.

Answer 10

Because people do not assume intention when they hear about twin separation.  But on an emotional basis, there is an implied intention with a mother separating from her baby.  And with that purposeful separation, come feelings of loss and abandonment.  But that is a hurt child's view, and some children or adults empathize and understand that the intention can be giving, sacrificial, loving and generous, rather than hurtful.