Why is it so often that children of a broken marriage often do their best to end any new relationships ?

Question

that their parent(s) may enter into.

I have had several relationship made impossible by kids just acting rotten to me, even though I wasn't trying to replace their father, or keep their mother from them, I just wanted to be their mothers mate. not change their lives, but it just got to be impossible, and ended with their mothers being angry at me. Parents who have gone through divorce, or the death of their spouse, etc. , have the right to have someone in their lives, too. Most guys, (or gals) who do try this, have a similar challenge with the kids. It's not all about what the kids want, and I have now vowed to never enter into a relationship with a woman with kids again, unless she can keep the relationships seperate. I am good to my women, and try to be good to the kids, too, but they always try to unravel things. How do you feel about this situation?

Answer 1

I can understand how you feel about this.   But you have to keep looking for the right person.   The person you meet has to be able to make the children understand that no can take them from them .That you can be their friend if, they will give it a chance.  But it time for them to move with their lives and you are the one the want to be with. Good luck in the future.

Answer 2

i am a child of a broken marriage, in fact my stepfather came into my life shortly after my "sperm-donor" came back into mines. I ripped at the ties that bonded my mother and my stepfather. I hated him because i saw him as a threat to the bond between my mother and i. This time i was wrong. My mother broke those bonds on her own with no fault of my step fathers. Every child that comes from a broken home longs to be loved and the older they are when the parents separate the more the child blames them-self. Look at it this way, it isn't against you, it is against the parent you are connecting with that the fight continues. "Broken-home" children are scarred in a way that they don't trust people and you are just another person to not trust. The more you hang in the relationship the better and easier they bond with you. My stepfather and i are really close now, more than i am with either of my biological parents. Give them time and they will come around.  

Answer 3

ummmmmm if its that many kids and that many different relationships, id start to think its u.. children are a great judge of character..  and although i realize alot of kids go through anxiety of the fact that all kids secretly wish that their parents will get back together and would view a new "mate" as an obsticle with that.. if its as bad as u claim id start to think its u....

Answer 4

As a child of a twice-divorced mother and remarried father, none of us kids tried to split them up.  If anything, our parents used us kids to try to get back at each other!  

Each situation is different.  We had a great relationship with our stepfather because he was good to us.  Our stepmother, however, was nasty to us and didn't like us.  I'm glad we didn't live with them.

I think your wife needs to stand by you, and show the kids a united front.  The kids are probably just pushing your buttons just to test their boundaries and see how much c**p you will take off them.  Kids do that.  Aother possibility is that the kids might resent you taking their mother 'away' from them.  Even though your lady is within her rights to have a partner in her life, it can take a while for kids to understand that, and may not be able to until they are adults.  Good luck

Answer 5

I believe that many singles/divorced people with children go about introducing new people into the kids' lives completely wrong.  They assume that children are mindless little creatures who will just blindly accept whatever mom and dad throw at them.  

Often times people jump into a relationship immediately after a divorce.  Because they feel so liberated and thrilled to have someone new, they just spring this new person on the kids before they've had time to adjust to the major life change that happened when their parents split.  Others drag people they're dating in and out of the home, leaving the kids with the impression that whomever is there is only the flavor of the week and won't be a permanent fixture anyway.  There are others who don't spend quality time with their kids after a divorce, but don't mind their kids witnessing them spending most of their spare time with their latest love.  All of these things typically leave kids feeling jilted and insecure.  In their minds, the new person is taking their parent because that is the impression their parent has left them with.  

When handled appropriately, kids do just fine when mom or dad has someone new in their lives.  The key is to not introduce anyone to your kids until you are certain it is a long term relationship.  Give your kids time to adjust to their parents being apart before dumping a new person on them.  Always be sure to make time for your kids, regardless of how madly in love you are.  I've been divorced for almost 7 years and have introduced my kids to exactly two people I've dated.  They never made a single attempt to sabatoge either relationship.  It can be done, but it must be done properly.  In most cases the real problem is the parent, not the kids.

Answer 6

My husband came from a parental situation like that. Children don't want their parents seeing other people because they want their parents together, obviously. The children don't want their parent to give the attention to someone new, when the children need it more. Children who act out like that want the attention from their parents... some children don't want their parents to be involved with others in hopes their parents may get back together, but also to avoid any more terrible seperations, esp if the kids get attached to the parent'ss new mate.

Answer 7

Because children want things back to the way they were originally with the same mum and dad. No matter how much the step mum or dad try to get along, it usually never works. BUT THERE IS AN ANSWER!!!!!!.  What you have to tell the children, especially the ones who are older is " When you leave home do you want your mum or dad growing old and very lonely, without someone to talk to"?, and this makes them think about things and most times they change their ways.

Answer 8

Cuz they're kids!  How many relationships have you been in with women with kids?  Since you feel so strongly about this and don't seem to have the understanding about these kids feelings, you probably should only date single women, with no kids.  

Answer 9

Simple, they are scared of change and what it to go back the way it was, it's nothing to do with you, you just happened to be there and a good target of the child's anger, it's directed at their parents not you they just done realize.

Answer 10

It's hard for a person to try to date a person who has children, regardless of the children's age.

But you have to remember a few things:

You are not their parent (which you seem to know), this means that at no time can you discipline them or treat in a different manner then you would a child on the street.

You are the adult, children are going to act childish and do things that drive you nuts because they are children. You as the adult know your place and that you can not step in and parent these children.

Best policy is that you try to date the mother/father away from their children for the first little while. Besides do you really agree with a parent dragging different guys/girls through their home in front of their children. Any responsible parent would agree with that and not think it strange. once you have a good relationship that you think may go somewhere then bring the kids into it.

No matter what you do there will always be issues with potential partners with children

Answer 11

This is a perfect example of where family counciling is in order.  You are totally right that people who have been divorced or lost a loved one to death deserve happiness.  You do need to understand the extreem hurt and disruption of life a child feels when in a broken home.  If they are trying so hard to break up any new relationship, then subconciously they are trying to avoid a repeat performance of their past.  It all takes a very long time but good things are worth working for.  It's really up to you to decide if the person you are trying to have a relationship with is worth all the work and pain.  I have been in your shoes and tried my best, but for me, it just ended up not worth it.  Wishing you well.

Answer 12

They are usually still hoping that their parents get back together. You are standing in the way of that.