Why is it such a bad thing to indulge in yourself if you have no choice but to?

Question

Many people say that I indulge in myself and that is not healthy..they say that all i do is stay home and keep to myself and that i may seem too distant. Why is this a bad thing?..I'm staying to myself, away from drama, I'm not hurting anyone, I stay away from peoples way...Many say that it is not normal because I am so young....

I like to shop by myself

I go to movies by myself

I go to dinners by myself..

I do everything by myself..I even went to Atlantic City for 4 days by my self...why is that so bad....I mean..I get such peace of mind when I go solo in everything. Don't you think so?

Answer 1

It just sounds like you're introverted and would rather do things by yourself and enjoy them without having to deal with other people and their drama. I don't think that's a bad thing. You may want to control it so you don't live a totally lonely life and become a hermit, but I don't see a problem in spending time by yourself.

Using your examples...

Shopping - You don't have to go into stores you don't want to or care whether ornot the person you came with is sick of shopping.

Movies - You don't have to worry about someone talking to you during the movie the whole time or what movie they want to see.

Dinner - This one I'd want someone there for conversation.

Atlantic City - You can go with your own vacation schedule, spend time doing whatever you want, and not be pressured to bet money you don't want to bet.

Overall, it sounds like a quasi-selfish lifestyle but who cares? If it makes you happy that's all that really matters..  

Answer 2

We're just introverts. We function better with our own thoughts and those of our closest, most trusted friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it, we just think differently than extroverts. Also, having a mental condition can make it a lot harder to be around people who don't; it's so subjective that people rarely understand how debilitating it can be. I'm bipolar myself, and making plans doesn't work for me the same way it works for everyone else. Being by myself just makes it easier for everyone; it's tough to conform to a different lifestyle than yours, and being unique makes it universal. You're fine :) just keep your head up and do what you enjoy, don't let anyone tell you it's wrong.

Answer 3

It's not unhealthy.  Nothing creates jealousy like independence in action.

Answer 4

We are a social mammal,  so to have connections with others is how we naturally are. Volumes have been written, documenting how our health goes up when we interact with others (be it having a mate, children, a succesful useful role amongst the others, having the support and comraderie of friends) all these are our healthy state to be doing, and so our health improves and we live longer and suffer less illnesses, the science says.

Whereas when one stays alone all the time, they'll fail to develop skills in interacting, and spend a lot of time wondering about dealing with people rather than doing it.It's like being stuck in the thinker pose (that statue.."the thinker")

Then things like depression and cancer can happen(because the immune system is dramatically lowered by the absence of these natural connections.)

While it is important to have sufficient 'me' space, and to be developing the self in some alone time, WHEN though does one spend time BEING that finished self, if never with others?

It seems to me you DO reach out for those natural human comraderies and opinions and help and kinship with others...you just do it on here, in a safe way (safe from actually having to risk getting involved in person. Perhaps you'd fear being too obligated to spend time every day with someone in person. Maybe this is your sense of control,that you need... to have connections with other people (as you do!--us!) but to be still "alone"  (you'd probably say "independant")

But you are dependant on us, Nikki.

(And frankly I get a nice warm feeling from it. Its good for MY health! to have connerctions with others, even long distance and with out the face, like this.  I can actually feel you, and I get a sense of happiness when I se you asking about recipes, because then I know you arent down right now, that youre ok, and that makes me happy for my friend!

And I can feel it.

You see?

You really arent going it all alone hon!

Anyway, you can do friendships -and having the support of, and place within, others- this safe way, for as long as you need to...but I wholehertedly agree that going everywhere alone isnt the thing to do

...where is your friend in life?  Your little group that youre a part of?  The people you relax with on friday night and laugh?

Ya know they could be co-workers...or you could go out to a club ..or look in the paper and join something..or at least be more open to others (youre being defensive...  and what i know of psychology tells me you need to, but you WOULD like to be more open) (well, to do that you need to let you!) (stick a toe in the water!  try it! you might like it!

You can only make a change by doing something.

I like to think if we lived next door to each other, Nik, you'd be in my kitchen every sunny morning drinking coffee (or tea) with me, and telling me things and laughing...and thats a friend

(And normally a person has several of these

And from there, you DO go out shopping or to see a movie or eat together!  Because being alone is healthy, but not if its ALL the time.  You nered a balance - of alone time (when your with your thoughts, and developing the inner you, and getting things done), and social time(when youre healthily enjoying being one of the humans!)..Its a balance.

If you have all one, and none of the other unhealth results.  (I have depression too,I'm disabled for it its so bad...but i've lived a few decades and so know these important things about how to be healthy enough - it takes connections with others. I'd probably have hung myself without the caring and kinship of friends.

Ya know what i did, i joined a support group. And we hang out...but its safe because i can go or not (and they cant follow me home! Isnt that great?) So that leaves ME in control (of how much of them I can stand).

But in time, I found some of them had become like family to me, the family i never had. Theyd do such nice, selfless things to help me,Nikki.  Its one of the best things that ever happened for me,joining a group. Because I really was thinking about ending it all...often.  I was very unhappy.

Around my people though, I laugh..even just on the way there I feel the sense of joy rising up and I start telling jokes...and people like that, so they like me , so i do well.  ((...but its all that sense of happiness from being with others that MAKES me want to be joking and laughing  See?

Also..being with people makes me instantly forget about thinking depressive thoughts about myself, and my situatuion, and life, (and lets face it, depression means to spend time thinking about and doing nothing really...just kind of hiding, and looking for the excuses, and filling that huge gap of time and mental and fellings energy SOMEhow... (so with some defensive thouights about "why" its ok (to be alone, etc - usually)

I live like that Niki!

But then with people I become joyous!

(and btw, THATS when smiling can oocur  ...without even trying! :)

Answer 5

Some people can't do anything by themselves. My idea of why is that they dislike their own company so much.  What a sad way to go through life.  I have to have time to myself to read, jog, etc.  I think being alone recharges you and if you don't like being with yourself-is any one else really going to?  I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all.  Be with people when you want and when you don't don't feel guilty about it.  You are douing nothing wrong, hurting noone and it's your life.

Answer 6

It's not that odd... I'm the same way and I'm not unipolar. Trust me.. the older I get the more I can't stand people or being around people... people just really irritate me. Not everyone, I have a few very very close friends but don't need to be around them all the time... you might be this way from the disorder but if it keeps you sane happy... go with it. You do need a little human contact, but I don't see anything wrong with your behavior. I'm the same way... I go on vacations all the time alone just to get away from people, it's my own little escape pod :)