Why is it that Men Treat Me so Bad?

Question

Contrary to what people think i don't go with a man for his looks, money or anything else. Every man that I have ever been with always takes me for granted and always ends up hurting me. Yet when something goes wrong, I am the first person they run back to when they realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

I am a young college student and I don't consider myself attractive bc i had such a horrible relationship with my father. So his name calling has really done a lot to my self esteem. However men see me as attractive, but i never feel pretty.

I am nice, trustworthy, honest, and very faithful but every man i end up with verbal abuses me and sees me as property. I know i am young and have a lot to look forward too, but i keep making the same mistakes.

Am i too nice or something?

Answer 1

You're most likely just seeing the wrong men.

Answer 2

You just need to know you're not alone. My best friend has been treated the same way by her exBFs to a point that she became heavily depressed but she has finally found someone good now.

The first answerer got it right... You may have been meeting the wrong men, and it's not your fault. Just know that you shouldn't let people who are only using you back into your life. That gives them the chance to ruin you again.

Forget them & keep on looking for guys who will treat you right. They're rare, but that doesn't mean they don't exist.

Answer 3

Sorry to say, but you probably bring it on yourself. If it has happened more than once, look in the mirror to find the problem.

Answer 4

actually that might be it you are to nice you give to much and dont take enough

Answer 5

... because you let them.

Where people sense weakness (low self esteem), they will exploit it...

Answer 6

Sounds like two intertwined issues in my opinion.

Self esteem issues and your choice in guys.

There are lots of books on self esteem and there's always counseling.

You may want to deviate from the type of guys you have been dating ? are you inadvertently dating your dad ?

Answer 7

They view you as needy and a doormat.

Read "Why Men Love b*****s." I don't recall the author. Or "Cad: Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor." Rick Marin

Answer 8

Personally, i think you need to take a look at how you pick your men.  You dont go with a man because of his looks or money, but how do you pick them out ?  

There IS something wrong if every man verbally abuses you and hurts you.  You name many great qualities you have, but do you stand up for yourself or are you a doormat ?  

Remember, people will only treat us the way we let them !  

In the future, get to know the guy better before you become his girlfriend and only become his girlfriend when he treats you good. it takes a few months, at least to see what kind of person someone is....

good luck

Answer 9

Before you can find true happiness in someone else you must find it in yourself. Sounds like you need to work through some issues, admitting them is the first step, BRAVO!!!

A strong self esteem will probably lead you away from abusive men and help you see them for who they really are, up front.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

You're attracted to the wrong types of guys. Perhaps you should widen your view of potential mates.

Girls and women who had terrible relationships with their fathers often seek a control-freak relationship absentmindedly.

Answer 11

Men can only treat you bad if you let them.

When they realise that the grass is rarely greener on the other side why do you take them back? It is far better to be on your own than to be with a man that does not respect you.

You sould like you have a lovely personality ..... you just need to realise that you deserve better and you can do this by learning to love and respect yourself. I recommend the book 'Overcoming Childhood Trauma". It is a good book for helping adults who were neglected/abused in childhood to come to terms with the abuse and 'move on'.

http://www.horizonscounselling.com/self_...

http://www.selfconfidence.co.uk/free-sel...

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Do-I-Love-...

http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html

Answer 12

I'm a firm believer in there being no victims in bad relationships.

You say yourself that you did not have a good relationship with your father. You're probably choosing men you do not get along with in an unconscious attempt to remedy your childhood issues with your dad.

Not sure how to fix it, I guess just be conscious of it.

Also, "too nice" is a very  passive-aggressive thing too say and usually not very nice at all. When people say they're too nice, they're usually not too nice and use the 'too nice' role to give up any responsibility for what happens in the relationship. It's manipulative. It's "topping from the bottom."

Good luck.

Answer 13

Either you attract jerks or you are attracted to jerks.

It's good that you realize you have a problem.  It's never too late to start making the right choices in life.

Take advantage of your college's counseling programs.  

Never tolerate abuse from anyone.  It'll be hard at first -- overcoming your instincts to seek love and affection from those unwilling to provide you with it -- but you'll thank yourself in the long run.

Answer 14

i'm 20 and in college so i probably know where you're coming from... you're probably going for the hot young college boys since that's what all college girls go for. and most of those guys are egotistical jackasses. you know why? because of all the attention they get from pretty girls and even the attractive educated older women.

cute guys are FAR more egotistical than most cute girls. sure some pretty girls are egotistical, but the treatment they get is really nothing special, since it's really not rare at all for a guy to come across a hot girl. but the treatment hot guys get from women is unlike anything other guys will experience. since it is less typical for a woman to be impressed by a guy's looks, women are far more impressed when they come across a hot guy.

so yeah, there probably isn't anything wrong with you. i've talked to lots of very pretty girls who think there is something wrong with them because of abuse they suffered. and the way guys(particularly the hot young ones) treat them doesn't make things any better. also i know where you're coming from about not thinking you're attractive... however, i can't say that girls consider me attractive. of course my self-esteem problems are probably from being severely picked on during middle school and high school.

Answer 15

Because you let them.

Answer 16

truth: because you let them.

Answer 17

We seek out men that are similar to our fathers.You answered your own question when you said that your father put you down, so now you end up with men that are just like your father.  These men smell girls with low self-esteem like sharks smell blood.  Build your self-esteem first,  work through your past verbal abuse, and then get the right man.  If your self-esteem continues to be low and you crave male companionship, you're going to keep attracting the wrong men.

LMAO at some these answers! "Because you let them"....give me a break. Now, you guys know why people stay in abusive relationships. They blame themselves as it is, and you're just adding more fuel to their fire. Do you expect her to have high self-esteem and know what kind of men to choose when her own father treated like garbage? No. She needs help and support to get her out of it.  She doesn't need someone to tell her "B/c you let them or you're just pretending to be too nice."