Why is it that guys feel safer when they are more stoic and tough?

Question

Every time I am vulnerable with my girlfriend, I feel insecure. I know that this is counter productive, but I do it almost every time. It seems that when I am just talking about everyday stuff, I feel safer. Last night I shared some of my feelings etc, and instantly I feared the demise of our relationship. This is not related to her behavior, it’s my stuff. Or relationship is stronger than ever, but I fear rejection anyway. I am in my 30’s and should be way past this. I don’t want to live out self fulfilling prophesies.

Why is it that guys feel safer when they are more stoic and tough?

Answer 1

I think that society does not make it okay traditionally for men to show emotions or be vulnerable.

However, from your last question you asked, I think that this has to do with your personality. I think that you tend to be insecure and when you tell her those things, and a part of you gets worried that she won't like you or love you if she completely knows you.

Answer 2

Because love comes with vulnerability, which many see as tearing down the protective walls instead of building them. Men are wired to be the "protectors" and they see vulnerability as a way of hindering the strength that enables them to perform that duty. Men are also raised to believe that any emotion they feel, or tears they shed are wrong. That is completely incorrect. You are correct, that way is counter-productive, and could even lead to losing your girlfriend if you don't tie off those feelings. Next time you are being vulnerable with her, tell he how it makes you feel, and let her reassure you. Make sure you word it properly or her feelings may get hurt, so something more like "It scares me to be this open" would be better than "Telling you this makes me feel so insecure." It's all in the wording when it comes to females. Believe me, I am one =]

Answer 3

Because sharing your feelings is generally the softer side of yourself, so you would feel more vulnerable, although I must say "atta boy" it's about time I see a real man able to share both sides of himself.  Never stop doing it!

Answer 4

We are taught throughout our childhoods that "real" mean don't have/share emotions.  In the US, it is pretty much socially unacceptable for a male to express any emotion aside from anger and indifference.