Why is it that men, once they are comfortable with a woman, always like to do exactly what annoys us?

Question

For example, my husband knows that one of the things that totally makes my day is receiving text messages from him. I'm not saying he has to text me one hundred times a day, but during his break. I am on vacation right now, but before we got married I was going to school AND work, and I always made time to text him! He did too, though not as much. He knows how much I love texting him, but now he does it less and less, so as to annoy me! It's pathetic but we've had arguments over this. I wonder what keeps him so busy during his break, whereas I would always MAKE time for him even at my busiest! When I confront him he gets sad, hugs me, tells me he'll text me more often because my feelings are important to him-- and he keeps his promise at first, but then he goes back to his same old habit of not texting! I know texting is not a big deal in the great scope of things, which is why I am trying not to get annoyed and simply just not text him anymore. I just don't understand why he promises one thing and tells me he cares about my feelings, only to end up contradicting himself! I just won't text him anymore. Even when he's feeling romantic and texts me, I won't text him. That way he'll know what it's like to text the wall!

Answer 1

Red flag: overgeneralization so that situation of one spouse is applied to ALL men

another red flag: that you think that if something your husband is doing annoys you, then he's DELIBERATELY doing it to annoy you, while you ignore your own actions that are annoying HIM.

Do you see the problem here? YOU like getting text messages, so you make time to text message him. HE does not have the same likes as you, so, while he does it to make you happy, he doesn't have the overwhelming need to do it that you do. In other words, he's NOT doing this to annoy you. He's just being himself. Why don't you accept him as he is, rather than trying to have him constantly be thinking about what pleases you and what he can do for you, even when you're not there? When you love someone, of course you DO think about what pleases your loved one and what you can do for your loved one. But when that loved one makes it OBLIGATORY, and nags and gets upset and expects it to be done every day, all the time, then it gets rude and invasive. He's NOT not texting you to annoy you--he's not texting you because so much texting annoys HIM. So turn your question around: Why do you keep insisting that he text you when you know that it annoys him? A compromise between your desire for lots of texts and his lack of interest in quite so many text messages is required. He's already trying to compromise by texting you more than he otherwise would. Now you need to compromise by accepting the efforts he does make and not continuing to demand more. Furthermore, you'll catch more flies with honey--instead of giving him negative feedback ("my feelings are hurt when  you don't text me enough"), give him positive feedback (when he texts you, thank him, or text him something that he'll really enjoy, like a lewd suggestion or a promise for something s**y when you see him--or half a lewd suggestion, so he has to text you back before he hears the rest of it).  

Answer 2

maybe he if hes working, he just wants to enjoy his break time. Its a time for himself during a hectic day. Give him a break

Answer 3

Because you let them?  Get over yourself - he's probably busy, and if you think that he's going to spend half his life texting you - you've got a problem.  He doesn't - you do.

Answer 4

Have no clue but doesn't it seem like a test like they just push your buttons to see what you're going to do? It is like when we bother them about something that we want for them to do they don't do it. Yea I would lay off the texting for a while bc then that is when he will want to text you bc he will find it curious that you stopped.

It is like their brains only work when you ignore them at itmes lol.

Answer 5

i think your husband is madly in love with you!

"women look into love as a process, men look at it as an objective"

it is a typical gender differences in how we express love

lemme explain:

as a man, this is the way we think:

this girl is great, i love her, lemme prove how much i love her. i show a lot of care and keep expressing my love. we get married. now, she knows that i love her a lot.

i get her a good gift, meaningful gift, go out.

great : )

i have a pefect life. i am sure that my wife is happy and i am happy.

time to do business. as a man, we wear another hat: the business hat, or the sport hat, or the friend hat .....

and here the mis-communication starts

it is not that we changed, or we love less or we dont care about your feelings. no, in reality, it is the opposite. we feel that we are so happy that we had a great achievement in getting a great wife.

time to do other things in life. so we get busy. we come again, from time to time, with a gift or a date or a great idea to express love.

but, not daily

girls in contrary, love to express love all the time. it is the center of her life. and expect that scenario to continue,

and when he is a bit busy (though his love didn't drop a tiny thing) she start to panic and express it.

then, he gets puzzled, and might react little bit, just to keep her happy, and he does not take it seriously.

it happens again, and she gets frustrated

this time, he just feel it is too much. he ignores her and go out with friends or keep working more.

she start to panic even more (i knew it, i knew it)

and when she suddenly go to extreme conclusion, the husband think his wife is gone totally mad

in reality, both are perfect couple, it is just the nature of genders

lemme ask you this: can you expect a little boy to play barbie with his sister? or playing like taking care of a child? of course not. you never see girls race each others or fight each others to see who's stronger .. it is true, males and females got different brains (as in brain s*x book).

when we get older, these differences change into different styles. women go to public WCs together. u cannot even imagine two men doing that.

expressing love, is not any different. many of us (both males and females) don't understand that.

the solution, in reality, just to be conscious about it, and understand these differences, makes the guy understand his wife much much more, and at the same time makes the wife understand the man even more.

reading self-help books about gender differences is great. i recommend: "What women want men to know" for barbara de angelies

when we are conscious about these differences, both couple will find ways to make these things as an opportunity to have more bonds together rather than a potential for a bad conflict and over the years, even to break up

Answer 6

That's funny because women do the same thing with men - once they are comfortable with us, they become lazy slobs.