Why is it that most men get upset if you tell them that you don't miss them or need them for certain things?

Question

Ok guys, i am back..i have another question...my last boyfriend would always get mad at me if he asks me if i missed him and I would say no. We would start an argument and it would be ugly.

Also, there was a time that my car broke down and it needed a new battery. he wanted to fix it for me, but I told him no, i wanted a professional to do it, he got mad at me also.

No, i know most of you guys think I am arrgoant or self centered..i am not...I am the nicest, smartest, giving person ever. In fact, i help run a club that helps young teens you are g*y or abused...many say i am good looking, very curvaceous..even though I have s**y curves, i hide them..i wear baggy clothes....anyways...

I just wonder why do some guys out there get mad or offended when I tell them I dont miss them or i dont need them for certain things....I am not gonna lie to you all because you tell me you miss me....if i dont miss you, then I dont miss you..

Answer 1

Men like to know that they are needed, even a little, by their women. When we let them know they aren't needed or even missed.....can't you see how someone would find that upsetting?  

Answer 2

Because if you really love someone you do miss them and need things from them.  sounds like you're with the wrong man, and may quite possibly be incapable of romantic love....not a bad thing, just gonna be hard to find someone who feels the same way you do.

Answer 3

Because some men can be just as sensitive and emotional as some women, and like to know that the person they are dating is thinking about them, and like the person they are dating to know that they will be there for them, if it is ever necessary.  

Answer 4

The fact that he wanted to help you speaks volumes. Though I am fairly adept at mechanics, and do my own car maintenance, it's still thoughtful when someone wants to help. As far as saying you don't miss him, well, I would be offended, too. This isn't a gender issue; this is not having heart. I am as independent as the next women, but I don't see any reason to be a hard-***. imho.

Answer 5

He probably likes you or he in fact misses you and he wants you to feel the same for him.  I don't think it's a gender issue becuase there are lots of girls who do the same thing.  It is more a dependent issue.  People should find other things that make them happy rather than soley rely on their partner.  

Answer 6

Why the h**l are you asking about why men get upset when you don't miss them, and then you start rambling on about your "curvaceous" curves.  Haha.  

It's not so much to ask.  If you do love someone, you should miss them.  Find someone else.  This guy is too good for you.

Answer 7

If you didn't miss him while he was gone, it's a good thing he is your ex.

Also, by telling him that he couldn't replace your battery, you'd rather a professional do it.. you weren't saying that you were independent and could do it yourself (which by-the-way, isn't hard at all) you basically said that you DID need SOMEONE to do it, just not him.

What do your curves have to do with anything?

Answer 8

He's mad because you don't trust him. So this is YOUR FAULT.  This is one of the main problems with women these days.

Answer 9

He missed you and he wanted you to say the same, is it really so hard? It's not showing a sign of weakness, if that's why you don't want to say it. Sorry, but you are arrogant and self-centered.

Answer 10

cuz men r so insicure an needy... it kills them that they need us for evrything an we dont need them for anything...  u did the right thing telling that jerk off...  so wat if he got mad for it... ur lots better off without him...

Answer 11

"...I am the nicest, smartest, giving person ever."   I can't imagine why someone would think you're arrogant.....

Anyways, perhaps he's angry because you don't give a rat's @ss about anyone but yourself.  You have pretty much made it clear to him that he is inconsequential to your life.  Why would you need him anyways? You're perfect right?

Answer 12

Guys like to feel like they are useful to their women. This is a very common trait.

For however-many-thousands-of-years, man has been protecting his woman and providing for her. That's just the way it is.

So when you tell your boyfriend that you don't need him, or don't miss him, he doesn't feel quite like a man, since it goes against his inner instincts. Don't take it personally, that's just the way it is.

He needs to learn how to control this emotion, and let it go.

Answer 13

If I offer to change my girls battery, tire, oil, whatever, she d**n well better agree to it and be happy about it. Aside of the fact that most of us know how to do it, it's an economically sound decision.

As for the "do you miss me thing", would it kill you to play along with the guy? Sounds like you're not that interested. Cut him lose and let him find someone who will appreciate him for who he is.

And if you have to tell people that you're nice, smart, etc...chances are you're full of it.  

Answer 14

Men need to be needed.  Its the ego that plays a huge role in their make-up.

Answer 15

If you are not all that intimately expressive or affectionate (verbal or physical), I think it would be wise to inform someone of that while dating him, before entering into a relationship, to avoid certain situations in which he might feel unwanted by you, or not reciprocated.

We all have our own individual personalities, nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

I think it's just a matter of being conscious of who we get involved with (this is why dating is about getting to know people), favourably someone more compatible with the way we are, so as to avoid some situations.

But also, when committed to partners, we are willing to be flexible at times... so, if one is aware that he/she would appreciate some attention or affection (as your boyfriend had), then showing it sometimes would be minimal, if it makes the person happy.

Combining both points - I think that there are less issues when we get involved with people whom our personalities are more compatible with, whom we can be ourselves around and not feel pressured by, yet willing to be flexible at times.

Answer 16

You're back? I didn't know you were here to begin with! so I never missed you either. Smile. You're probably a very nice young lady but why are you looking for the opinion of men since they're the ones you say are emotionally insecure? Your best bet is to attend or watch the Democratic convention in Denver where Hillary plans a MAJOR CATHARSIS moment for women. You won't know men any better but you'll feel good afterward.

Answer 17

The same reason you do girl.....

Answer 18

If you don't need them for certain things, that's not such a problem. But it seems that you didn't give two craps about your last boyfriend at all. Even if you didn't miss him, it's something you just don't say.

Answer 19

Okay, having answered your previous question, I have to say you are coming across as arrogant.  You, by your own admission, add nothing to the relationships you are in.  you give no affection, spare no pride and marginalise the men in your life.  If you do not miss your boyfriend, then there is an issue, and it does lie with you.  

Do you want him to miss you when you are away?

If the answer is no, then you don't really have a relationship, by your own definition.  If the answer is yes, then that is hypocrisy.

As I have said to you before, you cannot expect a guy to want to get close to you if you offer noting in return.  Sorry, as we British might say "You're not all that", and I question your niceness, smartness and giving nature.

Nice people demonstrate balanced give and take in a relationship and invest in other people and allow others to mean something to them.

Smartness.  I have an IQ of 150+ and lots of qualifications.  Those do not make me attractive to women in and of themselves.

Your 'giving nature' seems to be reserved for those people who are not the man in your life.  Sorry, simply being around and allowing a man to say you are his girlfriend is not 'giving'.  That is you taking him for granted, and not as a boyfriend, but as some sort of pet.

You have s**y curves?  So did my ex-wife, but her personality became quite a bit like you, and trust me, that seriously was a turn-off.  She also developed serious mental problems and was violent....all the curves in the world did not make her s**y!

Additionally, why mention your curves at all, let alone the fact that you hide them?  Could it be that you are seeking affirmation?

If you are truly having issues with wondering why guys want something from you in terms of affection, I suggest you get serious relationship counselling.  At the moment you, and you alone are the love of your life.

EDIT:  

Waipiota is right on the money too:  You invest nothing into a relationship, and wonder why others seem to have this need  for affirmation.  If you yourself truly lack any need for positive affirmation from your boyfriend, you are better off not having one.  Wanting a pro to change a car battery?  That is a bit nuts when changing a battery is one of the easiest tasks in car maintenance.  If you cannot trust him with a simple task, I hope you at least don't expect him to trust you!

Gold Digger:  You hate men, we get it!  Most men are probably not so keen on you, so that way we are all happy!

Answer 20

Sounds like this guy is trying his best to be your HERO and you don't need one because all you need is what you already have. YOU

Tread carefully. When this guy decides he is tired of YOU he will drop you like a bad habit.

Answer 21

This is a lame attempt at justifying your cold hearted personality. You may very well get entertained at making a man feel he is un-needed in every way. I agree with the answerer above, if you truly love someone, you'll miss them when they are gone. It doesn't make you weak if you miss them. Do you somehow feel empowered if you make a man feel un-needed? I think you have self-righteous issues. And if a man is there to replace the battery for you, why would you pay someone to do it? He probably got mad because he realized the ignorance in it, that you're only trying to prove a point. You haven't stated any logical reasoning of why you'd say those things. It's great to be independent but don't make a guy feel useless. No person, male or female should be told by someone that they are not needed. If you don't miss him, why are you with him?

Answer 22

A mans bruised ego is very understandable in your situation. I read this twice and both times could not believe you did not let him change your battery... where is the trust if you cannot let him twist two bolts and take a battery out of your vehicle? It really is no wonder he got upset as a fourteen year old could do it in half an hour without help if you point at the battery and hand him a screwdriver or cresent wrench. I am shocked at that one as a professional costs money and you could have used it to spend with him eating icecream at a parlor instead or buying his favorite CD for "rescueing" you. Maybe you tell your truth to him and he can not grasp that it is what you feel at the time or the whole time he was not around. How serious are you about keeping this relationship with him? Look at your true motives in telling him you don't miss him and see if it is to try to make him jealous or make him mad as it should be proven to you already that is what happens. what can a little white lie hurt if it makes him feel good and does not hurt anyone in the process? How would it hurt you as I am sure that you do tell lies occasionally as nobody is perfect. I do my best daily not to lie but a white one like that would not break my moral values when I care about someone. It makes them feel good inside to feel cared about and thus makes me feel good getting showered with their affection. Imagion changing places with you in his shoes being told you are not missed after telling someone how much you miss them. You would feel like having an invisable slap in the face and get defensive for your feelings. Breakup would be the end result without appreciation being given. There are only a few men that share their feelings honestly and openly and men have a more difficult time dealing with society as they are trained by us women and have to live in a man's atmosphere. they get their ego's caressed and rebuilt by females after their days end. If you can not support your man's ego with a little white lie, let him go free to find the right one who can build him up instead of make him feel less than a real man. It still is a man's world and he needs a good woman to support him. If that is not you then do him and you both a favor by breaking up. I hope this note you honestly think about without forming an opinion just yet as there are many topics to consider and openmindedlylook at the truth about. Hopefully you will understand him better and not compromise your values by telling you miss him and trusting him a little bit. aloha taz

Answer 23

he sounds needy

Answer 24

I don't see anything wrong with your behaviour - but some of the answers on here really shocked me - do men really want to be lied to for their ego?  I would rather be honest.  And what's the big deal anyway?  If I offer to do something for someone and they say no, that's their loss / choice.  I wouldn't dream of arguing and questioning their behaviour just because I disagreed with it.

I also don't see anything wrong with not missing your partner - I think it is dependent and needy when someone expects you to spend your life pining for them.  I would rather have a partner who could entertain themself when I wasn't around.

As for changing your car battery - any idiot can wield a pair of scissors, but it doesn't mean I'm letting them cut my hair either.  If you wanted a professional to do it, good for you.  It sounds to me like your ex was needy and controlling and couldn't accept you for who you were.  Who needs someone like that in their life?  And seriously, ignore most of these answers.  Sounds to me like some people in here think women should go back to swooning and fainting just so their husbands can feel like a man.  Boring!  Be who you are, and find someone who appreciates that  :-)

Answer 25

I was right...you DO have a S****y personality.

I would get upset if my boyfriend didn't miss me. I miss him horribly...because I LOVE him and yes, I do need him. It doesn't make me weak...it makes me human.