Why is it that some parents accuse grandparents of not loving their children ?

Question

I've seen it quite often on Q & A's and my own son has said it but from my point of view we aren't allowed to bond with the babies.

The parents are so keen to impress on us its their child, we mustn't 'interfere', don't offer advice, the toys/clothes we buy them are all wrong and we don't understand how kids should be brought up but then when we back off we are accused of not loving them or wanting to spend time with them.

There's no bond, the little ones don't really know us and we are afraid of offending their parents

Hoping some young parents can put their opinion forward

Answer 1

It is a difficult balance, isn't it. We haven't got it right with our parents and children; or, at least, didn't. We were very sensitive to interference. To be fair, we were probably as much at fault as them. A lot was due to our immaturity and their lack of diplomacy! Lol!

I suppose the key is communicating and being able to not take offence at having offers of help declined or at the help/advice offered.

Perhaps, as well as issuing instruction manuals at birth for new parents, they might consider issuing one to new parents and grandparents? Lol!

I guess what I am really trying to say is be patient, try not to let it get to you, and be confident in the knowledge that things will work themselves out.

Hope that helps

Answer 2

My parents are heavily involved with their two grandchildren. Be involved but don't start telling them how to bring them up. That would not impress me either.  

Answer 3

My daughter thinks of my mother as her second mother,she was there at the birth and at every significant incident in her life, I wouldn't want it any other way and neither would they.

Even for her 15th birthday she took her 15 year old friends, out with us & her grandparents all together.

It's a shame when parents keep the previous generation at arms length, they have so much to give, both in terms of experience and loving.

Don't get me wrong, she can be overbearing at times, but it's only for a couple of hours then she's off home again and so are we so we can do our own thing then.