Why is it that some people object to being called Sir or Ma'am?

Question

I was not raised in a military household and as a sign of respect, I always say things like "Yes, Sir..." or "No, Ma'am..." and people, especially those over 50 or 60, seem to object to being acknowledged as 'Sir' or 'Ma'am'.

I have been told by some men not to call them 'Sir'' because they work for a living' and a number of women have told me that ''Ma'am' is how you address a female in the military and they aren't in the military and never have been.'

Can anyone tell me why it is NOT proper to address someone as 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' (I am just meaning it as a simple acknowledging address and don't want to offend anyone) and what the meanings of 'Sir' having to do with 'because I work for a living.' means?

I'm confused.

Thanks for your answers.

Answer 1

In the military, "Sir" or "Ma'am" is how superior officers are addressed.  Enlisted personnel often think of desk jobs as not being real work because it is not physically difficult work.  Hence the enlisted folks say they work for a living but the officers don't.  "Ma'am" may be seen as negative because it denotes age (most women want to stay young and beautiful so aging and being referred to in a manner associated with age is unappealing).  "Ma'am" may also be associated with the idea of race and folks from older generations may take offense to the racial connotations of the word "Ma'am".

Answer 2

It's not improper to call someone Sir or Ma'am unless you are their superior in a work capacity.

Most people object to it for two reasons.

1. They grew up military and feel that only military officers deserve to be called Sir or Ma'am.

2. They're getting older and don't like to be reminded of it when someone younger shows the proper respect.

It's not wrong to show proper respect. Continue to do so and when someone objects, just try to remember to use their name instead the next time you talk.

Answer 3

We here in Texas still regard this as a sign of respect towards one another but I have lived up north and they do not like it and sometimes think you are trying to be smart-alecky when you say sir or ma'am.  Now that so many people have moved around and seems like everyone is from somewhere else, I think we are a little overly sensitive to things.  If I were you, I would continue to say Ma'am and Sir because there are still so many people that do appreciate the respect and if someone says not to call them that then just say Yes Sir, it won't happen again.

Answer 4

For me personally when someone calls me Ma'am I feel old! I'm in my mid twenties and would hop I still look like a Miss more than a Ma'am... :)

I don't see the problem with calling someone Sir, it conveyes good manners and respect for the other person. In fact, I know more people who would think it was rude if you didn't call them Sir. Ma'am is short for Madamme and my guess is it comes from French and mean my lady, which in turn just sounds like how they spoke in the 'olden times'. People who tell you the 'work for a living' comment, how the heck do you know what they do for a living? And even if you did, then what? You'd say 'Hey carpenter' or 'Excuse me, accountant' when talking to them? ehhh, not likely.

Sir and Ma'am are just fine and anyone who tells you otherwise is a silly liberal-no-manners-raised-by-wolves-dumb...

Just make sure you call the younger looking ones Miss!!! :)

Answer 5

Women who are self-conscious about their age object to being called "ma'am" because it draws attention to the fact that they are, in fact, older than you are.

Men who work blue-collar jobs object to being called "sir" because this is what the management has insisted on being called, and they don't want be in the same group as the management.

HOWEVER: just because some people are self-conscious or bitter does not mean that you should not be as polite and respectful as possible. "Ma'am" is the appropriate way to address a female of marriageable age. Addressing a woman over twenty as "miss" is essentially talking down to her.

Hold yourself to that high standard and don't let anyone talk you down from it. You are valuable and a rare breed!

Answer 6

99 percent of the time, I've found that it makes people feel older than they are.  If I find that out, then I address them as they like to be spoken to.

In some cultures, the terms are reserved for upper-class people.  Back in Tennessee, where I originally come from, all adults are addressed by these terms, as they would be in England, Ireland and Scotland.  The issues you're having are purely Northeastern US culture.  I've been in CT for about 8 years, and they still don't get how to be polite in the right way.

Answer 7

This outdated custom has ageist connotations and makes a person feel old.  I  don't see how it's polite in that case.  Secondly, it also is stuffy and formal and it tells people you are too lazy to get to know them by name.  When you call me ma'am, automatically you've distanced yourself from me by not asking my name or how i'd like to be addressed.  If you know these honorifics bother people why do you continue to call them sir or ma'am?

Answer 8

It just comes across as a bit smarmy, and it tends to make you feel old. It's a very american thing though (us brits are always puzzled by american TV shows where kids call their dads 'sir'. Do they really do this? Because that's very weird). You'd only get called Sir or madam on very rare occasions in the UK.

Answer 9

I often get offended when I am called Ma'am. I am of the understanding that you should only address your elders as ma'am, and those younger or comparable as "Miss". So if an eight year old calls me ma'am that would be okay, but not some guy that is my age, for example.

Answer 10

Some people think it makes them feel old if they are called "Sir" or "Ma'am."  It's so funny to read about these 30-something year olds who still want to be called "Miss."  I'm 20-something, and I don't really care.  In the southern states though, you better be calling your elders "Sir" or "Ma'am" as a sign of respect.

Answer 11

I dont know. That is really strange to me. My Grandfather always told me to say Sir or Ma'am

Answer 12

I think thats very respectful to refer to someone as Sir or Ma'am - people who object are obviously just stuck up on themselves...