Why is it that the step-mother is always the bad guy?

Question

No matter what she does to help and try to fix problems that were there before she even came into the picture? Why is she the one to blame when her husband's children have behavior issues and he and his ex-wife won't do anything to fix it? How is it her fault for choosing to marry a man with kids when all her intentions are good? Why does everyone just assume that the step-mother is trying to replace the children's mother?

Answer 1

its not always like that. it just bcoz sometimes when u got married with ppl with children the pressure is a lot bigger coz u have u try to get a long with more than just 1 person.

if the step mother an the step children are a good persons the new fams will try to fit each other with more respect and trust.

u can never replaced someone mother how matter u try, but actually the step mother have 2 do what a mother should do as a house wife.

Answer 2

Because before step mom came into the picture there was still the fantasy that Mom and Dad would get back together.  She is an easy target for the kids and the ex-wife if the ex-wife and husband are on bad terms.Step Mom needs to verbally tell husband and kids that she is not their Mother, but that they still need to respect her as a person.  Step Mom needs to decide what she will put up--since people treat us how we allow them to.

I assume, step families are a difficult way to live and that a lot of step-parents get more than they bargained for.  Sometimes no matter how nice or good you are to some people, they do not have the ability to reciprocate or even appreciate it, because they are so full of hurt and they just don't know how to love.  Again, chose what you will put up with.  Don't get pulled into things and try to fix everyone's problems.  When the step kids are being rotten tell them that they can be mean, unhappy or whatever negative trait they are displaying, but that that is their problem.  You intend to be happy and nice and are going to have a wonderful day regardless of how they feel or act.   Let them know that they are not going to be able to control how you feel or react.   They are just trying to control you and turn you into the evil step-monster.  How ridiculous is that---those kids trying to control you and make you miserable?

Answer 3

I have been a step mom for 8 years.  And I think that it is just part of the territory.  If we try to discipline, then it's because we are evil and hate them.  If we do not discipline them, then we don't care about them and wish they didn't exist.  It is not an easy task, but let's face it.  It really isn't about us.  It's about the children who really are lost and confused about a situation that they can't control.  I know that my step daughter plays to her mom and her grandmother to get her way.  I just simply explain that the reason I have different rules, and am more strict is that I really do want the best for her.  I couldn't tell her that I loved her, while letting her destroy her life by lying and manipulating people to get her way.  I know that it sucks that we put in a ton of work through out the year, and don't get the goofy macaroni necklace they made for mothers day.  I know that she may not understand what I have done, or others may not see what I have done, but some day I hope that my love for her will help her choose the right partner in life who will love her and possibly her children the way that her dad and I love her.  

Answer 4

i think that you are either a great step-parent or not. kids pick up on your intentions really quickly, and if you are being phony, you shouldn't marry their father. it is so obvious when the wife won't accept the children with the package.  

Answer 5

Step mothers can't "fix" their husband's family problems.  The repair is the responsibility of the husband -- to get help for his kids...

Step mothers aren't to blame when the children have behavior issues.  Divorce is very traumatizing for most children, and they feel abandoned by their parents... when their parents meet new partners, they feel abandoned all over again, because the new partner has somehow taken their father's time and attention.   If the children's parents don't take steps to get help for THEMSELVES and the children, well, i guess they just don't give a c**p...

It's nice the step mother has good intentions, but her husband's family issues were in place long before the step mother came along.  Maybe it's time for women to take a good, hard look at the man and his family before she decides to marry the idiot.

I don't assume a step mother is trying to take the place of the children's mother... i think step mothers need to take care of their own, personal stuff, and let the father tend to the children's needs -- nurturing and day-to-day care.  They are HIS kids after all.. not the step mother's.

take care.

Answer 6

well in my situation.....when I was a child my father would always come and visit me, call me ect...when he starting dating his wife and he married her i didnt hear a single word from him in years! I saw his family just not him....she cant stand the fact that i exist! I had no idea I had a brother until my grandmother told me...I didnt know I had a sister till my cousin told me! all the times I seen my father after he got married he gives me broken promises that he will call me, visit me etc...his wife is the man in the relationship! I stopped talking to my father cause i got so sick and tired of him picking his wife over me! and my siblings they have no idea who I am the one time I met my two little sisters they thought i was a friend of the family! its just crazy! the funny thing is I look just like my father the 3 kids he has with his wife look just like her......ok i know not every step mother is evil but in my situation its crazy

Answer 7

because that is a defense mechanism when the kids come out of their mouths with that...and the mother, depending on how mature she is, has a lot to do with it also.  talk with your husband about how u feel and still continue to do what you do as far as being an authority figure.  Just because you are not their mom doesn't mean that they can disrespect you or not listen to you, especially in your home.