Why is it that those who look to adopt are not so open to adopting teens?

Question

the reason why I ask is because it could actually improve a life...

I'll tell you a lil story telling why I say that...

I have, for the majority of my life, lived in a very bad home with a mom who was on drugs and didn't much want me... she neglected me badly...

when I was 11 or 12 I told myself once I found someone I can trust, I was gonna tell them all about my home life, with hopes of getting out of it because I had no want to be in that environment....

I started high school when I was 13 and looked up to my math teacher, she quickly became my role model and the one I told about my mom and her problems...

the teacher contacted higher authorities and was taken away from my mom.... and then she adopted me....

I lived with this teacher ever since... she treated me like I was her very own child, and I was her only, too! I never wanted to go back to the other life and feel like I was born to the wrong family... I very quickly came to know my math teacher as "Mom", that's how Isaw her... as the only motherly figure I ever will have....

I am now 18 and recently graduated, on the top of my class... the teacher took me as her own because, I may have not been the best student before she adopted me, but unlike my birthmom.... she saw my full potential and made me live to it... before she adopted me, I got mostly Ds and Fs after I got all As.... before I didn't have college plans and now I'm actually starting on working for a degree in math to be a teacher like her....

she's made a huge difference in me since the moment she adopted me... and I've just always wondered why no one ever adopts teens...

Answer 1

Thank you for your awesome story! We have adopted 3 teens and I hope they feel the same as you do!  People want to adopt babies cuz they want the whole bonding experience, not realizing that we bond as a family no matter the age- you are just ours...I wish more people would adopt teens! Its sad they just sit in the system..

Answer 2

Many teens up for adoption come with a lot of baggage and normally well in my province tend to have many emotional/physical problems. They tend not to bond as easily as younger children and infants.  

Answer 3

I don't know because you can actually talk to them with reasonable sense of communication although not always invited.

Answer 4

Ok let me just say that you are supposed to be asking a question, not giving us your life story. No offense, but people don't want to read about your life.

Now, to answer your question; I think the main reason is because they want a kid who they can watch grow up. Teens have already lived many years and the adoptive parents miss out on being there for the child's firsts. Another reason is that a younger child is more open to calling the adoptive parents mom or dad and it is easier to raise a child who starts out young. Plus, teens are already difficult to deal with and how would you like to deal with one who yells that your not their mom/dad constantly. Its just a lot harder when adopting a teen.

Answer 5

I think it is because some young people who adopt aren't ready to take on teens yets. Other people probaly think they cannot create a relationship with a teen who has already grown up.

Answer 6

Maybe it's because adults think of teens as problematic due to puberty or that many teens won't accept them as their parents now that they're so old.  Or maybe its because younger ones are cute.  I don't really know.

Answer 7

In our case, we didn't adopt teens because we are so close to their age.  At the time we started to foster/adopt, I was 23 and my partner 21.  We actually adopted when I was 27 and my partner 25, but that's still kinda young to adopt a teen.

However, if the sibling group we adopted had teen siblings up for adoption, we would of course tried to work it out to adopt them as well.  

I know some people that aged out of the foster care system and they had the chance to be adopted and refused.  They regret that now, but hindsight in 20/20, as they say.  

Answer 8

Why?  The same reason most parents do not want to start off parenting a teen.  Most parents want to experience parenting from the beginning or close to it, because they do not want to miss any stage of their child's life.  And many are young parents stating off their family life and it would not even be appropriate for them to adopt a teen.  They do not yet have the experience that parenting an infant in stages and learning the next stage by having gotten pretty good at the last stage of development brings.  Of course, there ARE parents who wish to adopt older children and teens, and/or are QUALIFIED  to adopt/parent a teen right off, and they should consider it.  Most parents however, are not prepared to parent teens in the beginning.  Parenting teens is not  for the faint of heart : ) or the inexperienced parent.  And teens in foster care have a lot of special needs from being in the system, and from past abuse, which require experience, great care and patience, and solid but gentle skills.    

Answer 9

That's wonderful that you found someone who loves you and believes in you!  I would say that most people who are looking to adopt are probably doing so because they are having problems having a baby, so naturally, they are sort of in the mind set of finding a baby.  Also, I think maybe some people would be afraid that an older child might have behavioral problems too ingrained to easily deal with?  But you really made me think, and there are lots of older kids out there, who still need to be cared for.  I have fertility issues, and if I cannot have a child of my own, I will definitely consider an older child.

Answer 10

Many teenagers in the foster care system come with some significant emotional trauma and not every adoptive family is prepared to address those needs.  

Teenagers in the foster care system also require some pretty experienced parents.  Some people have strong feelings about adopting outside the birth order.  Others have fears of safety for children already in the home.  

Obviously not every teenager fits this scenario.  I could see myself fostering/adopting a teenager after my younger children are older.

Answer 11

We have been looking into adoption. My husband is in the army and we were considering a teen. With him in the army and the child adopted they could go to college free. Though with most teens they turn to crime just like their neglectful parents. With teens is a lot more problems. But if there was a teen out there that just needed a better home and hasn't turned to the dark side yet we would love to adopt them.  

Answer 12

I have a small Child. I couldnt take a teen because some of them went through all kinds of F-up stuff.... I couldnt take a chance (for my own son's safety)

Maybe if i didnt have a small child, then i would be more open minded  

Answer 13

I wouldn't know. I plan to adopt older children one day. I guess babys are just so cute and its closer to a "normal" parenting experience.  

Answer 14

maybe because teens go through puberty and adolscene and think there some kind of trouble and they havnt being living with you your whole life so they wont grow up being like you and babies are cute