Why is it that we can't help who we love??????Even when we know certain truths we still love anyway and feel

Question

the pain???????????????????WHY??????????????...

Answer 1

The heart desires.

The mind acquires.

Most of us use our emotions to DECIDE what we want.

& our logic to GET what we want.  

So if you LOGICALLY  discover something really bad about a person you desire EMOTIONALLY it won't affect your desire unless you turn the Logical discovery into an Emotional response.

The reason young people think you can't control love is because they haven't connected the Logical flaws to the Emotional pain.  

Go through the wringer a  few times & you will magically discover that Love IS a choice.

And is sounds like you are well on your way.

Good luck kid.

Answer 2

Distance is not necessarily the answer because I personally have not seen someone that I really, really loved for about 2 years now (about the time that scientists say that the biological chemical imbalances generated by the scent of the attracting subject start to dissipate from your system) but I still have feelings for him.  It was a complicated issue for me.  I was married and I believed strongly in honor.  He was married and he believed strongly in honor.  His wife cheated on him and broke his heart (which also broke mine.)  He decided to try and stick with it for the sake of his honor and because he still loved her.  I decided to leave my husband after several attempts to try and refocus my passion away from the crush and back into my marriage but failed miserably.  Then I was practically accused of physically cheating on my husband, which to his and the crush's theory was causing me to act irrationally (based upon the crush's observations of his wife's behavior after she cheated on him.)  After that, I was accused of stealing my crush's wife's wedding ring to create complications in his marriage for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that it was missing and I had feelings for him.

When I left my ex, I figured that honor was greater "honored" when it radiated from the core of myself outward.  If I no longer could love my ex no matter how hard I tried then I had broken my vow and there was no reason I could think of in staying in the marriage in order to maintain a false face of keeping the vow and the perception of honor among my friends when my heart and mind had clearly broken it.  Of course, to make the divorce process easier, my ex simply tried to keep me with him by passive-aggressively attacking my insecurities and weaknesses over showing me that he actually loved me....

Still, 2 years later I miss the crush not the ex.  Why?  He is the only person I have ever met who has ever achieved the near-impossible -- making me laugh or smile in total sincerity, and I treasured that more greatly than anything I had ever known in all my life....  *sniffles*  Now, I just feel like I can't go on.  Have you ever seen "Good Luck Chuck," where the two penguin mates are separated and the male gets so depressed that he stops eating, drinking, or even grooming himself?  It feels like that and I can't change it, even though I openly know that the guy is a total a*****e and would likely treat me badly if it EVER happened...

Of course, since the heart cannot be predicted, I don't think that I will consider marriage ever again in the future.  In my opinion, if someone loves you, there need not be a vow to keep you together.  Your love will do that alone by itself and the continuation of your dedication to each other despite obstacles and adversity is enough to prove that love a thousand times over...  After all, if I love someone and he decides that he loves someone else greater than he does me, aren't I more inclined to let him go because I love him and want his happiness due to the fact my personal happiness should never come at his misery?  If my happiness comes at his misery then can it ever be true love?

Answer 3

I think there are different reasons for different situations.  In this situation (correct me if I'm wrong) it hurts because there are undesirable 'truths' that mean this love isn't being returned.  I know from experience this situation hurts but I have begun to think of it as infatuation, not love.

Some people say that distance is the only cure - and it can be, but others say distance makes the heart grow fonder, which can also be true.  So consequently, I think that distance is the cure, but the person trying to do the distancing (you I think?) should distance themselves not only by not being around for a while, but also by distracting all their emotions and attention from the infatuation.  

The 'victim' of the infatuation needs to break out of the mindset that this is all they deserve (I'm not referring to the individual person here but the fact that the victim is having to settle for less than being loved) and reach a mindset where they actually feel self-worth and can be happy with themselves.  Its also important to nurture friendships for support: its a good antedote to loneliness, and everyone has a gift they can use to help others therefore convinently making themselves feel valuable.  Once that happens, its surprising how quickly the 'victim' can find a fulfilling relationship, without all the paranoia and pain of an imbalanced relationship.

I hope that helps

x

Answer 4

uhh

Answer 5

you might be talking about loving a person's potential...the pain we feel is due to a need to feel accepted, and a void that is due to a disconnection with our higher self. Get your connection with your own soul straigthened out, and you will find you seek something entirely different...like someone who values, respects and wants to shower you with love. It will happen because you already value, respect, and shower yourself with love...it makes you naturally radiate it to the world and this draws in those people who are good for you.

the pain is by continuing to be in a cycle of resistance...you are resisting growth.

Answer 6

its the primeval urge to mate its just lust

Answer 7

hmm....Rena....you DO ask some difficult questions, girl....

I wonder if anyone really knows the answer to this one!  Being human we seem to repeat mistakes even when we know it is probably wrong to do so, in the hopes that "this time" things will be different. (know what I mean?)  Sometime love involves pain, but many times we do stay in a relationship much too long & endure needless pain.  Thus the question of "why???"

Who really knows....there are different answers for different people.

Answer 8

Well, love itself happens slowly over time, and is effected by the truths you know. However, the strong attraction is simply a biological response to chemical factors between the two of you. Read up on the biology of love/mating. It will help you to distinguish between the two.

Answer 9

because when you love someone, you give them a part of your heart and soul, and thats something you can't get back regardless if it works out or not, so therefor you'll always be connected to that person despite what they've done to you. The only thing you can rely on to get over that person is time.

Answer 10

so they can learn fromtheir mistakes>

Answer 11

For the same reason we can't help just who gives us birth - and causing them pain in return.

Answer 12

Help depends on the recipient as much as on the giver.If they were unwilling to receive help, then there is nothing U can do.

We still love any way because those certain truths we wish they would change.. This is evident in a parent-child relationship (where their sun is an addict 4EX:), and man-woman rel-ship (when she knows that he is playing w/ his tail 4 EX:). Another reason, which the main fact here, is That love deals w/ the heart. It is a heart decision, not an intellectual (or mental) decision.

Answer 13

because the desire is stronger than the apparent fact which deludes the mind into thinking its... possible! the delusion apparently arises out of ego.

Answer 14

I've found that you can help who you love....you just have to distance yourself from the person causing you pain.  Being around that person stirs around your emotions even more.  You can't think clearly until you remove yourself from the situation.