Why is it that when you want to talk to a parent they avoid you, but...?

Question

Parents are always complaining about how their children don't pay attention to them or respect them as an authority or guidance figure, but why don't they realize that when we need them the most they tend to avoid us. Maybe this is just my parents...but when I need to talk to them about something I see as important, it's like they lack the attention to help me out, and when they think something is import they want me to be next to them to talk. How am I to focus on them and their needs when they do not focus on the childs needs. Sometimes I wish they'd just pay attention to me instead of thinking buying me things fixes problems...do they not get the picture that I just want some parental attention in the form of communication...I know I sound selfish...but I am a child. How can I get them to pay attention to how I feel...and get them to respond to my needs instead of vice versa...isn't that the job of the parent?

Answer 1

You don't sound like a spoiled brat at all.

I was just having this conversation with my child last night.  She prefaced her statements with, "It's probably dumb because I"m only twelve."  I tried to help her understand that there are things in a kid's life that are very important to them, even if the adults think the adult concerns are "more important."  Everyone needs to be listened to and taken seriously.

There is a saying, "Little children, little problems, big children, big problems." It looks to me as though your parents might be frightened at their inability to "fix" your problems.  When people are very young, all it takes is the parent saying, "It will be ok." to help a child feel better.  When a child is older, parents find that they don't have all the answers anymore.

I hear you saying tha you'd like your parents to HEAR you, rather than FIX the problem.  I would suggest that you reassure them of this.  Tell them you just need them to listen and to discuss things with them, rather than to have them fix any problems you have.  

All the best.