Why is it that women are in denial about their hostility towards nice guys?

Question

Also, when you point out this reality to women, they launch into a tirade about how "you aren't as nice as you think", when in fact you are genuinely nice.

Why don't women just come right out and admit that they get off on bad boy abuse, instead of dodging the issue?

Answer 1

Some people are just ignorant and don't realize that their nicieties are actually quite insulting. For example the traditional man who will do his wife the favour of allowing her to stay home barefoot and pregnant while he supports the family and controls the income.

Answer 2

I can't speak for everyone but I learned real quick what self professed "nice guys" are the day a so called nice guy hit me in the face with a set of keys.

Answer 3

Seavince deserves best answer here.  It's not that women like bad boys, they like confidence.  Bad boys seem to have more confidence (although they likely have less confidence in themselves and are compensating by acting out) than nice guys, so women tend to be more attracted towards them.  Improve your outward confidence and don't let women walk all over you and you'll see a vast improvement in their attitudes towards you.

Answer 4

I agree with "smudgethezombie", "nice" often means "boring".

A lot of guys pursue only one thing in life -- namely, a girl -- and they forget to have a life.  A lot of guys that I know have no hobbies, and nothing to do outside of school or work, and they cannot understand why girls don't want to hang out with the boring loser. If you want to have a girl, then quit trying so hard to impress the girl (comes across as desperate), and try to make a fun and enjoyable life for yourself that naturally attracts others.

And keep in mind that girls are attracted to social people also.  Usually when a shy guy goes to a bar, or a party, or a church picnic, looking to pick up a girl, then he usually talks to no one, follows her around for a while (either literally, or with his eyes) until he gets up the courage to ask her out, gets turned down, and then gets upset and leaves.  If you don't socialize with anyone but the girls, it makes you look like you are just there to hit on the girls, and she will assume that you are a sleaze.  You need to socialize and mingle first, if for no other reason than to assure her that you are not just after one thing. Also, you need to realize that every girl need reassurance that you are not an axe murder or something. If she sees you mingling easily with other people, then she will assume that you have friends, which will mean that you are probably trustworthy & you know how to maintain relationships. Standing in the corner and talking to no one makes you seem like the creepy guy that no one likes, and she will assume that there is a good reason why not.

If you are tired of coming across as "boring", then develop interests, hobbies, and a life outside of school or work, and learn how to be a good conversationalist (check out some dating advice websites for advice on this one). And if you want to stop looking "creepy" then learn to be a little more sociable in public events, like parties, than you are now.

BTW, usually "nice" means "doormat", as someone else has already said. If you are trying to buy people's attention by doing whatever they ask, then you come across as needy or desperate. Be more independent, learn how to tell people "no", and quit worrying about what other people think of you. Confidence is s**y.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but try being just a little bit of a jerk by teasing her a little bit. Make some jokes at her expense. Makes you look confident, like you don't really care if she likes you are not (and can make you look like you have a sense of humor -- which is also s**y). And flirt with other girls besides her. Women like what other women seem to want.

Answer 5

I personally avoid bad boys as I see no point in them.  I married a nice guy and I am very happy. I was wandering though what do you consider nice guy behavior?

Answer 6

I think that women probably find it  too difficult to get past your inflated opinion of yourself to know whether you're really a nice guy.

Answer 7

I see it as a numbers game....

stereo typical "bad boy"  will hit on every single woman in the room in one night....gets turned down no big deal, even seen them turn to the girl standing next to the one who just rejected him

a stereotypical "nice guy" will develop a crush on one women, over a period of time before ever approaching her....he gets turned down, it hurts him..and the process of finding another woman starts again.

Who do you think speaks to more women?  If a bad guy talks to say 100 women, to the good guys one.....what are the chances that the bad guy is going to get more women????

As to being denial...i personally dated some bad guys...dated one all out bi polar abusive ***.  But I married a very sweet good guy...that I'm very happy with.

Answer 8

Because in a lot of cases, "nice guys" *aren't* as nice as they think. If you have to go around calling attention to how nice you are, chances are that you aren't the prince you think you are. For example, making whiny generalizations about what all women want in a partner isn't nice.

There are nice guys and then there are Nice Guys. Lower case nice guys treat women as equal human beings without expecting to be praised and rewarded for it. That's just being a good *person*, gender issues aside. That's genuinely nice. I'd go out with a guy like that in a flat second.

Nice Guys only copy the behaviors they think are nice without buying into the thinking behind it. In fact, they have a lot more in common with the jerks they tend to fuss about than with actual nice guys. They'll insist on holding doors and buying dinner and whatall, but the whole time they're going (in so many words)  "Lookit me! Lookit me! I'm *nice*! Go to bed with me now! I deserve it, right? Because I'm *nice*! You should appreciate it, because I *could* be not so nice." They don't seem to see women as ordinary people that they relate to as equals and partners in a relationship, but a prize or something owed to them. They deserve a girlfriend--any woman, it doesn't matter who, as long as she'll put out for them and be there so they can say they have a girlfriend--because they're Nice. And the Nice Guys I've known pout when they can't have it. A woman won't sleep with them, so she's a ****. She only likes jerks, the tramp. Calling people names for not doing what you want isn't so nice. There's a big problem with someone doesn't get that. Also they don't really respect women. It doesn't matter what a woman wants or thinks is nice. They're Nice because they think they're being Nice and that's all there is to it.

If someone is pointing out to you that there's a difference between how you're behaving and how you think you're behaving, listen to them. I'm not saying that it won't be hard, but if you're honestly interested in really being nice, it would be helpful to hear how you could be better at it.

Answer 9

Niceness is subjective to each person. I personally believe that I am nice and I'm sure there are a couple of people on this board who will say the same of me but I'm also sure there are people on this board who will say I'm a b*tch. Does that make one persons view inherently right or better than the other? No, it doesn't.  The truth is, sometimes we're not as nice as we think we are. From personal experience I feel fully confident in saying that 1/4-1/2 of the "nice guys" I dated weren't so nice. Sure they thought buying my jewelry and took me to fancy restaurants and they thought that constituted to being nice so at the end of the night I should "be nice" and  submit myself to every sexual fantasy and desire they had. Sorry it doesn't work that way with me. I don't expect a guy to do fancy things for me and guys who do those "nice thing" because they want a little @ss proves that they are anything BUT nice.

Before going on a rant about women being hostile towards nice guys trying reevaluating your game plan. Maybe there's a flaw there or maybe you are just going after the shallow self-absorbed girls. I know a lot of girls who go after the bad boys because they think they can change them and honestly I feel sorry for them because they are so deluded but I think I speak for the majority of women when I say most of us want a  truly nice guy.

Answer 10

If you want to know if women like jerks, why don't you tell us how many relationships you've had? If you've had a very large number, your point that jerks get all the women will be proven true.

Problem with a lot of "nice guys":

Ranting about how "B***hes are alwayz whinin' 'bout jurks but im so nice GRRRR I HATE U STOOPID HOES" really doesn't make you seem like a nice guy.

Answer 11

Because we know it's bad to feel the way we feel about nice guys. Truth is I like bad guys but at the same time i like nice guys too. I've somewhat grew to be in between. I used to like only bad guys but yhey cause too many problems.

Answer 12

Let me break it down for you:

.... Women don't believe a man (or a person) can be truly NICE without some kind of motive. Thus, they all assume "nice guys" are really just jerks who are using their niceness as a form of manipulation (because women like to manipulate so much, they assume men are the same).

Its really sad. In the end, women believe the JERKS are the only "honest" men or "genuine" men out there. They think "At least with a jerk, I know what I'm getting, then later I can make him nicer". FALSE.

But that's how women think. Very twisted I know....

Answer 13

I, too, am really tired of "nice guy" questions.  Here's some reading material that might help:

http://www.heartless-b*****s.com/rants/n...

Answer 14

because rationally liking a nice guy makes sense...too bad women aren't rational (most of the time neither are men), they like "bad" guys because they tend to show off their confidence...in fact, its really that women like confident guys, no matter how nice or mean they are....nice guys are put on the back burner because they allow themselves to be walked all over...and if a woman tests you and sees that she can walk all over you, then she assumes others can too and that is not attractive...its nature, they want the alpha male...you can be the confident alpha male and still be polite though

Answer 15

You again?

Since when do you know the minds of all women!

I married a "nice guy", after turning down many offers from "bad boys".

Stop trying to make women conform to your fantasies, and simply find one that fits you.

P.S. Complaining - NOT s**y.

Answer 16

Haha, well, you're right. I was going to tell you that you probably aren't as nice as you think, or alternately you're nice in the wrong way. EVERY SINGLE GUY I know who complains that women don't want to date him because he's "too nice" is seriously in denial about his flaws. But you don't want to hear that, do you?

Actually, forget "was going to tell you". You seem pretty misogynistic to me, which is naturally going to turn a lot of women off. You're here pointing fingers, complaining about how mean women are to "nice guys" like you, and how much we suck. You really think that's going to make people want to date you? I've known other guys with similar issues. They're bitter people, and very unpleasant to be around, but they still think of themselves as "the nice guy". This isn't meant as an attack, I am genuinely hoping to help you understand what's going on.

The second thing I see on a regular basis are guys who are very nice and sweet, but boring as sin. That isn't so appealing, either. Women usually DO want a guy who will treat them well, but at the same time we want someone who's a little edgy and exciting. Accountant types are practical dating choices, but they're not s**y. Although an accountant who was also stylishly dressed and willing to be spontaneous and take risks would probably be crawling in women. You need to come across like you know how to show a girl a good time.

This, of course, is where the problem comes in. Younger, less experienced girls have their priorities all wrong. They go for the exciting guys, and hope that they'll also be nice and treat them well. But that usually is not how it goes. Just as guys who can't get a date often become bitter woman-haters, guys who can have any girl they want tend to not appreciate what they have, and take women for granted and treat them poorly. Eventually most of us get ourselves straightened out and start going after the boring guys we used to ignore. But if you don't want to wait for that, then like I said before, the best thing for you to do is not to become a jerk, but to complain less and start acting like a guy who is fun to be around. Believe me, it will make a huge difference.

Answer 17

86 thumbs up for david K!!!!

Answer 18

In the first place, stop having a temper tantrum. You got viable answers to your question. You asked women's opinion. You got opinions. If you don't like them, that's tough.

In the second place, not all women are the same, so asking about "women's hostility towards nice guys" is stereotyping tripe and meaningless.

Answer 19

Often men tend to overdo the "nice" part, in an attempt to impress the girl.

If you are too "nice", then she either assumes that you are being fake & manipulative (which you probably are), or else she thinks that you are too emotionally weak to stand up for her & protect her.

Guys usually turn into a push-over, or a doormat, in front of a cute girl, so she assumes that you must be a weak pushover in front of everyone else if you are a pushover for her.

Besides, women seem to be hard wired to be attracted to dominate, assertive men (usually @-holes), just like we are hard wired to like b***s.  You cannot really blame them for it.

If you are having trouble attracting women, try toning down the "nice" guy act, and try acting just a little more selfish (it is easy, just be natural), and see what happens.  If you want more details, try going to doubleyourdating dot com and sign up for David D's free dating advice e-newsletter.

And, BTW, you can also answer my Q:

Answer 20

Many women cannot admit to certain true feelings, because that would be admitting that their plight is a product of their own undoing.  Women normally profess to be without a male mate due to some anti-social behavior on our part, and they can justify their resulting bad behavior accordingly. They would never admit to the thrill, excitement, and melodrama of being mistreated, used, taken - or rather forced to have s*x with someone they fantasize about, and sometimes exploited.  Aso, some women feel that they do not deserve to be treated well.

Now I am not placing myself in either category.  That I leave up to the ladies who entered and left my life.  But many "good guys" are, in fact, boring, and women should not have to endure that, no matter how politically correct that may be.  So if I fall into that category, so be it.

In the end, there is justice. I  just wait until Mr. Bad Boy starts treating them exactly like they treat others: like Bad Boys.  That gets old real quick, especially when he is constantly out of work, hiugh or drunk, away from home, not supportive, spending time alone with some ****, argumentative, and God-forbid volatile.

A loosened jawbone and a cracked skull can do wonders to abolish any romantic notions about hoodlums.

Answer 21

If you want us to blindly agree with everything you say, talk to the mirror. The rest of thinking human beings tend to have their own opinions on every subject at hand. And you should respect their constitutional right to have and talk about their opinions. Now, when you start generalizing roughly an entire half of population on Earth, you might run into quite a few angry comments here and there. Because females are human, which means very different individuals. I personally, as a woman - representative of the group you have earmarked for gender hostility, have been married to a pretty nice guy for 18 happy years. Intelligent women avoid male b******s and degenerates of all kinds, especially the ones with anger issues at all costs. We do not date them, have friendships with them or sleep with them. We avoid them as some kind of incurable decease. Now, I hope that answered your burning question, the very same question you have been asking time and again. FYI, if that is the kind of a reaction you get from females of your age group every time, maybe that is exactly what you deserve? People are not that stupid, you know. They eventually see you exactly for what you are.

Answer 22

My sincere and genuine experience with nice guys is that they are plainly weak and have a huge passive aggressive streak and are only nice as they believe they will be rewarded for it. They show their true natures...eventually, underneath the diaphonous veil of 'niceness' lyes a thinly covered yet seething hostility and a sense of spoilt entitlement.