Why is it there are no moms who are raising their children who say they wish ....?

Question

they had given away their children to adoption instead of raising them,

yet there are so many natural moms who did lose their children to adoption who wish they had kept their children instead?

Answer 1

I think that we all look back as women and wonder how our lives might be different if we had made different choices.  There are women who wonder if maybe things might have been different had they not kept their children.  This doesn't mean they don't love their children.  It means that sometimes love is not enough, and that life circumstances interfere and make parenting really, really difficult.  Some women see their children suffering as a result of their own mistakes and do wonder if maybe they would have been better off with another family.   Some kids are told frequently by their parents everyday that "they wish they weren't born."  Feeling that you do not want, or cannot care for your kids is a horryfying experience.  I've worked with support groups where people express these thoughts and feel deeply ashamed.  I can't imagine they would come on this site to express such personal feelings.

Answer 2

I don't think anyone would openly admit that they wished they didn't have their children.  Although, you'd be surprised.  I think that you have to be very careful when placing a child for adoption and KNOW YOUR RIGHTS in order for a happy successful adoption to occur.  People who regret their decision to place probably weren't too comfortable with it to begin with.

Answer 3

I've personally known 2 women who openly admit they wish they'd not had their children.  It's very sad, their children were made (by them) to leave home at 13 and 15 years old.

One child had a street life that ended at 16 in drugs, prostitution and death, the other child has thankfully managed to access resources and put her life back together by herself.

I feel that the more responsible parents could be led into giving up their children, even when they don't need to, as they are genuinely trying to think of their child's welfare and sadly undermine their own parenting abilities.

The two cases I mentioned haven't given a day's thought to their children's welfare.

I feel it's the same story as with much of the social services systems out there, the help is often going to the wrong places, and is badly lacking where it's needed more.

Answer 4

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,3316...

Here is a story from just this morning. This woman is actually going on strike form being a parent. Or what about the story in the news just yesterday where the mother and the father starved their 5 month old to death. They just stuck him in his car seat and put him in his crib for 8 days and never touched him. Do you think these people just loved being parents?

Do you actually think anyone would come on YA and say they wish they would have put their kids up for adoption? Or, they hate being parents and are on the verge of killing their child? Absolutely not, but amazingly, we see news stories everyday of parents abusing or neglecting their kids. We see everyday more and more kids either being taken or surrendered to CPS. Yeah, but I'm sure their going to take the time to come on YA and talk about how they are horrible parents.

Answer 5

I guess losing a child - either to adoption - or to death - is not something a parent really ever WANTS to go through.

Most are wired to want to care for their children.

Sadly there are those that don't wish to - but for the most part - most want to.

Some feel that they won't be up to the job.

Some have been so badly abused themselves - they just have no idea how to do it well themselves.

Interesting question.

I think it's also interesting that there are more and more women now speaking out about almost losing their children to adoption - but changing minds at the last minute - and rejoicing in that decision.

Answer 6

Because their is a deep connection between mother and child. Most mothers would never want to lose their child. No matter the circumstance.

Isn't it interesting that "most" mothers would die for their baby in a heartbeat ! The love a mother has for her child is there from the very start.

Answer 7

The question is foolish because no one WANTS to give up their children for adoption.  Consider this question...

"Why do no carpenters who have hammered in a nail wish they had hit their thumbs with the hammer?  Yet, there are so many carpenters who did hit their thumb with the hammer who wish they hit the nail instead?"

This question is ridiculous because no one wants to smash their thumbs, so there is no 'decision' as you imply in your question.  (I am not equating hitting your thumb to the decision of giving up a child to adoption, I am just making a point).

Answer 8

Because adoption sucks, because relinquishing sucks. The only people who don't see that are the ones involved in the adoption process but sooner or later even most of them wise up.

Answer 9

raising kids is very hard but the most rewarding. thing in the world. so even when you have thoughs hard moments where you think you'll never make it, your kid *or kids* kiss you or hug you and its all worth it.

adoption your life isn't much different, your just by yourself you still have your ups and downs, although I here thoughs downs are easier... you don't have that love

Has pathic has it sounds.. my son is the best thing that ever happened to me. I grow up alot, and learned how to, Be strong. He keeps me going.

Answer 10

I do not know it is the age old question the ones that want to have children struggle to conceive and the ones that are not the best mother's at times have children without much thought.

Answer 11

Regret & guilt are a *****!

Answer 12

they would be drawn and quartered by anyone within earshot of that statement!!!