Why is it when an adopted person say they hate being adopted people ignore that they only want to listen to pe

Question

why do you have to like adoption if an adopted person says they hate adoption why cant people care about how they feel if an adopted person says they hate adoption why do people have to be so mean to that pesron that hates it what happened to freedom of feellings

Answer 1

Most people just simply don't understand.  That's why it's so important for you to find adoptees to talk to.  They are the only ones who can really understand how it feels.  I hope you will join with other adoptees at:

http://  www.adultadoptees.org

You have every right to hate adoption.  I have adoptee friends who love their adoptive families, but they still HATE adoption.

Answer 2

I think that  Twist of Fait hit the nail on the head....

I understand the desire to be validated for your feelings and after that it's hard to say too much more... I respect the fact that some people Hate Adoption that is their right to feel that way....

I also too resent the Assumption made by another post here that people who adopt are too wrapped up in blah blah balh their own selfish motivations...blah blah blah... to understand your point of view....

I believe it is just fine to Hate YOUR adoption but there are many people who do not hate their own adoption and people who make generalized statements that Adoption is Bad or that Adoptive Parents only adopt to fullfill their own selfish needs are perhaps the most damaging to those Adoptees who do feel blessed by adoption...

You can Hate your adoption all you wish--but, when you say this you hurt my daughter who is happy to have been adopted having spent 4 years on the streets in danger, being abused, not eating for days and actually KNOWS what it was like to be kept by a mother who was Unable to meet even the basic need of protecting her--let alone feeding or giving her a bath...

When You say You hate Adoption it Hurts My adopted daughter, because she actually wishes she had been adopted much sooner like her older brother was when he was born...or her younger brother who was born drug addicted and didn't spend 4 years calling a shopping cart Home....and the two other siblings who were placed directly from the hospital to a loving home.... My daughter Hates the fact that she was not adopted sooner...

She loves her mother and always will--she does not love the fact her mother was too selfish to put her needs above the love she felt and could not actually show....

Answer 3

I've noticed too that there is a lot of hostility towards anyone who dares to complain about being adopted, especially if they were adopted as infants.

Because people want BABIES!!!!

They are baby crazy.

Who cares if the babies grow up to dislike being adopted? They need to be parents.  To them that is what is important.  I think for some it consumes their egos.

I think a lot of people don't care about what adopting an infant can do to a child.  They know that they DESERVE to be parents and that is all that matters.

If people actually say they don't like being adopted, it kind of throws a wrench in their plans and they do not want to hear about it.

Answer 4

I think we have freedom of feelings, but not freedom of validation. I have felt the dismissal from society surrounding my disapproval for adoption as well. I think that its people who are on their own agenda of adoption those who are relying on adoption to fullfill their needs of a child become the biggest "dismissers."

Those who really want it to "work" for their family, can't handle hearing that it hasn't worked for some. Especially people who have been sold an alternative to pregnancy and are looking into adoption as the last chance of bringing a child into their home. Its a conflict of interests when someone has so much depending on adoption to fullfill their needs, for them to hear that adoption hurts, isn't going to register right.

Denying our painful reality is much easier. Dismissing it on "bad aparents" "angry adoptee syndrom" or anything other than "adoption" itself is much easier I guess. In the end, i see it as more of a loss for them.

i hope that made sense, I just cut my finger on a knife and its hard to type without your pointer finger.

Answer 5

adopted kids need love just like any other kid good luck

Answer 6

If a person hates being adopted all one can say is “I’m sorry you feel that way.”  There really is nothing else to say.  Of course if  the person is adopted and feels the same way then can related to that person.

Everyone is free to have feelings but don’t expect others to always understand those feelings. A person that is not adopted is not going to really understand someone saying they hate adoption because they are not adopted. Then again a person who is not angry about being adopted is not going to really understand those who do feel angry/ hate being adopted.   I respect everyone feelings but I can not related to the feelings of hating adoption or feeling a great loss like some adoptees feel because I don’t feel them.

I suggest you seek support from those adoptees who feel the way you do.

Answer 7

You know what I think it is?  I think it's the same reason people "in power" do all kinds of other things to limit others' power.  When I was a child, my parents didn't listen to a darn thing I said.  I told my mom I was molested - she said I was lying.  I told my dad that my mom beat me - he said I was lying.  As an adult, I complained about sexual harassment - bosses said I was lying.  It's too hard for some people to accept the fact that their actions don't create a wonderfully positive happy little world every single day.  People can't stop and look at how their actions affect others, because if they did, they might have to DO SOMETHING to change it.  You take ANY person who has had decisions made for them by someone else, and you'll find this same crappy dynamic.  If someone is making decisions for another person, they're going to have a really, really hard time admitting they MIGHT have done some harm in the process (even if the overall effect was positive).

Not in a great mood today, so this might not make a lot of sense.  I'm not adopted, but I've experienced a lot of this loss of power myself...still dealing with the repercussions, and I understand that, however you lose power, it SUCKS!!!  And it affects your entire life thereafter.