Why is it when it comes to discussing of money, some people won't talk about it?

Question

Today I decided to talk to my girlfriend about a prenup to protect my Construction Company if we get engaged and she freaked & stormed off. She called me later and said, "Its easy for you to want a prenup since you have money and that I don't trust her."

She said if I loved her, I wouldn't need a prenup and marriages are 50/50. I told her that 50/50 doesn't include all the people who work for me and something I built on my own. When my friends were partying having fun, I was working and busting my butt saving money to get where I am. My parents were middle class, I had to do everything on my own because they didn't have very much money with 5 kids to take care of.

I tried to explain that my construction company is separate from our relationship, this is about protecting the 75+ full time people who work for me (over a 100+ if I include part time) and more importantly, the business and all its assets are willed to my son.

By the way, my son at 15 is now working for me on his own accord within the law. He wants to be part of it and *he will* get the business.

Its also protects my retirement, should something ever happen to me and we're divorced, my son isn't left taking care of me should I ever become unable to take care of myself. Given the laws in my state and because I never incorporated, my lawyer told me this was the only practical solution.

This prenup doesn't include personal property or anything of that nature, only my construction company and my retirement.

I also own hotel as a side business, which would not be included in the prenup. She wants to help run that, so I left it out since she would have interest in that.

My lawyer told me that because I'm leaving the hotel out and because she would help run it, she would be entitled to a share of the profits if we ever divorced, I'm fine with that. So I am thinking of her future.

No one can predict the future, no matter optimistic you are. Bad things can and do happen to even the most well intended person. I'm just trying to do what is best for all involved, like my son and those who work for me and depend on me to feed their families.

Aren't I being fair? How can I help her understand? Because I'm getting frustrated of her running off every time I bring up money in the context mentioned above.

Answer 1

Hmmm...As a woman I'm trying to understand her position. Some women can see a prenuptial agreement as you having a doubt in your relationship, or perhaps as you looking out for yourself and not her--and you know women put lots of emphasis on security for their future family and such.

Now, the way you explained yourself sounds like you have it together and are not being self-fish at all b/c you're literally paving a future for her too.  Sounds like family is important to you, as well as people who depend on you. It definitely sounds that you're a man of integrity and that's a huge plus.  I personally wouldn't have a problem signing any prenup before marrying you, specially if I were sure of our relationship.

It definitely sounds like your g/f has some type of insecurities--or other type of plans for herself.  Ask her about her thoughts and why she feels the way she does.  

Oh, and just in case, keep a good eye on her before you marry her.

Best of luck.