Why is it wrong to blame the woman for a cheating husband ?

Question

I saw an article on a feminist website (feministing) where the feminists were outraged that a radio host called Dr. Laura blamed women for not satisfying their men enough to keep them from cheating (not just sexually but psychologically by not making him feel like a **hero**)

The explanation seems quite logical to me and I don't understand why feminists get so outraged about this ?

Answer 1

It is wrong for anyone to cheat.

Heres the thing.  

If you are not satisfied break it off with the person instead of cheating.

Leaving the person is better then stringing them along.

Answer 2

Never.  The cheating husband is a grown-up and as such responsible for his behavior.  To argue than men are completely stupid morons who are incapable of controlling their own behavior is insulting to men.

"Dr. Laura" is performing for an audience.  That's not why men cheat.  Don't take pop-culture psychologists too seriously.  Its entertainment.

*She is a media personality worth millions.  She sells books, she's on the "speaker-for-hire" circuit.

http://www.answers.com/topic/laura-schle...

And she's an "outed" hypocrite.

Answer 3

He/they made the CHOICE to cheat. If he/they can not ask for what they want in a marriage/relationship, they do not want to be in one. Same goes for women who cheat also. By blaming the victim you are justifying the action (cheating). That's like saying a rapist should not be blamed for raping. It is the victims fault for not being or being_______ (fill in the blank).

Communication, communication communication, it all boils down to that one word (guys quit cringing). You need to ask for what you want/need to get what you want/need. Don't blame your S.O. (significant other) or go looking for a flavor of the week when you can't ask you S.O. for what you need or want in your relationship.

Answer 4

My married BFF Lulu the **** went through a period when she scrounged the internet for men to have (unprotected) s*x with.  She was convinced each one of them loved her even though none of them ever contacted her again.  She laughed at the idea of fidelity and said if a woman couldn't hold onto her husband, that wasn't her problem.  She denied the possibility that those men themselves (and her, for that matter) could possibly be irresponsible, lying pigs.

Dr. Laura is a hypocrite and a useless piece of toejam, although once in awhile she has a nugget of an idea worth listening to.  This wasn't it.  Laura Schlessinger and Lulu the **** were cut from the same piece of cloth and I wouldn't use that cloth to clean the catbox.

Lulu has since gone back to being a respectable wife and mother, but we don't talk about that perod in her life.  She still thinks she was right.  Schlessinger will never change.

Answer 5

Over all, that woman is a nutcase. People go through hard times and if you had to worry about your husband cheating every time you weren't feeling great about things or up to it, then that would be a lousy marriage anyway.

Cheating can't be excused by that. You either work it out or leave.

Answer 6

It is wrong because if he wants  to cheat he should be man enough to say so. Dr laura is a loser. She thinks all men should do once they have kids is support their wife the way she wants. So if he has a job he loves and makes enough to support them but the wife wants more then he should take a job he hates as long as she is happy. She needs a doctor herself.

Answer 7

I think Dr. Laura is right in SOME instances, but in others the men are simply A holes and no matter how great of a wife they had they would have hurt her.

Dr. Laura would have much better luck with her own relationships if she practiced what she preached.

Answer 8

Before women had options other than only marriage or prostitution, they were caught in this power struggle of "put out or get out" from their husbands.  There weren't any laws preventing them from just raping their wives, either.  And, many men just dumped their wives when they got older and replaced them with younger "sexier" wives.  Oh, well.

The truth is, as I learned in counseling as a counselor and as a nurse, that it all boils down to:  One man's frigid woman is another man's nymphomaniac.  Back then, men OWNED their wives.  Women didn't have a leg to stand on.  No rights whatsoever and no means for most women for self-sufficiency.  The self-centered "Bedroom Blackmail" of  "put out or get out" and "stroke my ego", make me feel like a hero c**p was so entrenched in the marriage institution that many men didn't even bother to try to please their women.  My own mother didn't even have an o****m until she was in her forties.  Men were sitting around in bars then debating the feminazi myth that woman could even have an o****m.  And, even if they experienced something like an o****m, there was noooo way it came close to the male o****m.

Women in the late 50's and 60's coped by taking dumptruck - loads of valium in the Valley of the Dolls days.  Then, divorce got easier, women were allowed to get educated and had equal opportunity to become self-sufficient and now the Bedroom Blackmail is becoming meaningless.  Back in the Good Old Days, wives were blamed for a cheating husband because that comes from the Master / Slave Moralities of blaming the slave for not pleasing his or her master and THEN accept mistreatment (spousal unfaithfulness) for not having shown "proper respect" for the master and his needs.

What I recommend to women today, well, first of all, is NOT get married until you are completely self-sufficient.  And WALK away from the relationship the moment you get blamed for one d**n thing in the bedroom or the moment he's not trying HIS best to please YOU.  Market conditions have changed.

Answer 9

I don't think it's a feminist problem. If some people can't see that it takes two to tango, then fine for them, but some of us aren't idiots and hold a mans own actions accountable to them and do not blame others for their behavior.

Answer 10

Are men such animalistic creatures that they cannot control their own behavior against external forces?

Answer 11

Well there are 2 ways to look at it .  The feminists are looking at if from the first way.

The first way is that some guys are just b******s and no matter what the wife does the man is gonna cheat simply because he can.  I have seen and heard of guys who no matter what the wife does they see and think with the lower head.

Now the 2nd way which is what Dr Laura is talking about is those men who cheat because something is missing in there relationship with there wife. Either they ask , are denied or over time the wife stops doing certain things. Sometimes its just that they man is embarassed to ask his wife or feels that she ought to know.

While many get get enraged at the thought of the woman sharing in the blame, its a fact of life that in a small percentage of cheating husbands the wife was the cause. Now while they are the cause of the cheating husband in no way makes it right.  I think people think that because the wife is part of the blame that people think it makes it right to cheat and it doesnt.

  I personally think that in a small percentage of cheating spouses that the wife shares some of the blame. But in the vast majority its all the husband fault.

Answer 12

I agree..POLITICLY it is incorrect to blame anything on women..which i dont agree with..I think they have nothing to be outraged over..the women shouldent have to beg and plead and satisfy a man..its not like that..If they really love each other the man wouldent depend on the women tending to his every need or else he'll go and find another girl that will do every little thing he wants..I think it wrong to cheat and its not right to think women have to do every little thing in a relationship..the man can entertain himself once in a while ...Sorry for ranting..=]

Answer 13

Personally, I doubt the veracity of the question.

I'm thinking it is placed and couched to simply 'see what floats to the surface' here.

'Blame' is the problem, the very 'need to place blame' on any one, singular person or gender, speaks of the failure to see the wider perspective of the breakdown in human relationships.

The answer you quote would be logical if it were the ONLY answer. But as it cannot be the only answer, it matters not as it serves as thee most simplistic of answers (~to keep the likes of you with your attitude happy) that satisfies yourself.

Sash.

Answer 14

It's wrong because it's like it makes the guy no longer responsible for his actions.  

What Dr. Laura is trying to say is that a woman in a relationship has to realize that a man has certain needs, and generally speaking they're pretty simple and obvious.  In my experience, guys are often kind of predictable and easy to please, even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way, they are rather easy to make happy.  

Now because they feel like they are easy to please and fulfilling their needs is just fulfilling their needs men can go out of the relationship to fill them, then come back, and continue happily as if there was never anything wrong.  In fact they can feel better that way because then they are not burdening their partner with the needs that their partner really didn't want to meet.  

Understandable logic, but there are a lot of reasons to disagree with such thinking, as follows.  

I really think you have to separate physical with emotional cheating though.  Because it is really hard to identify what emotional cheating is.  

The thing is though, he is still responsible for his actions if they constituted a choice.  He chose to cheat and is responsible for that action and separating him from that responsibility should not be done.  And a woman starts getting it into her head that somehow 'she' is responsible for the cheating suddenly this can create the excuse that he should just be allowed to do it whenever he wants because it's just her fault anyway.  

Why I say you have to separate the two is because men often don't know what emotional cheating even is, they won't realize what they are doing is "wrong".  And beyond that may do it without even realizing that's what they are doing.  And even still beyond that may do it completely accidentally, which means they didn't even have a choice in the matter they may have well have just been "emotionally raped".

Answer 15

Its politically incorrect to blame women for ANYTHING

Answer 16

We are responsible for our own actions, regardless of geneder or provocation.

My ex-wife cheated, and tried the "you are to blame for me doing this" line on me!  Well I never cheated and could never understand her chilren's playgroud argument "he/she made me do it!".  I was never abusive (though she ended up being convicted on DV charges herself) though I did grow distant from her as she became abusive.  She was extremely sexually unfulfilling, but it never led me anywhere near cheating, anymore than my own beliefs did.

This Dr Laura may be right in the most rare of circumstances, but I rather doubt it.

It991: your view is a fairly typical PC one, often used by feminists, wherein it is always the man at fault, regardless of who cheats.  In western societies, women cheat as much as men, often enev more so.  I rather think that fault lies with the one who performs an act.  Stop allowing the  "someone else is to blame for my situation/what I did" being a valid excuse. Never is!

Answer 17

People should be blamed for their own actions.  While lack of s*x and poor treatment can cause a failure in any relationship; the person who cheats is still to blame for every action they take.  I don't think deceiving your partner is ever justified - regardless of what the other person has done or failed to do.