Why is my 11 year old daughter so disrespectful to me?

Question

I am very loving but DO discipline accordingly. I am sure there are many contributing factors such as her being at the age of puberty and also I am in the process of a divorce. She is very respectful to other adults but not to me? I don't understand. I provide her with a loving and warm environment and she sees the sacrifices I make for her and her 2 siblings. I just don't understand why she treats me this way. I have been resorting to the remedy of "tough love" lately and she is getting worse by the day. What can I do to extinguish this behavior? Thanks in advance.

Answer 1

she is going through a time, maybe try to diciplen her more or less, when some children are to diciplened they get mean, try to talk to her and tell her how you feel

Answer 2

I don't know exactly how you can extinguish it, I know you need to be persistent and keep on her about it. Its completely normal for an 11 year old to be going through this patch, I personally remember being a little bi*ch to my mom and step dad around that age too. it will get better. Just take it day by day and remember she WILL grow out of it! You sound like you are doing an amazing job, keep up the good work. Its going to get worse before it gets better!

Answer 3

Okay, you say she is going through puberty and you're in the middle of divorce.  She is ANGRY, and you are the only one around so she's going to take it out on you.  It's not about her wanting to disrespect you.   Her world is being turned upside down at a very difficult time in her life and you are the only parent around so she is going to take out all of her pain and frustrations on you.  Since you obvioulsy have no communication with your daughter I suggest counciling for the both of you.  So that you will be able to understand your daughter's pain and so she can learn to express it in a different way.  Don't forget she is STILL a child and is going to react to things the way a CHILD does.

Answer 4

threaten her with cell stuff. and like b like if u keep acting up I'm going to walk to your locker everyday when school starts and embarrass her. that always gets us.

Answer 5

well i'm fourteen. i think she might be picked on at school, bullied, or upset about the divorce. My friend Cristy Ana's parents got a divorce and Cristy was always in a bad mood. One day her mom sat her down and talked to her. It ended up being she was bullied at school, the divorce, and she didn't get enough attention. I may be just a teen, but this is teen issues.

Answer 6

She's growing up. I am 13 and going to be 14 in a couple of weeks. I do the same exact thing to my mom. I don't know why I just do it, and I can't really help it. I have been this way for at least a couple of years now, and I am sure I will grow out of it some time. Trust me, she is thankful for all you do for her. She just doesn't really show it right now. It is just part of growing up because right now she is probably in puberty and has raging hormones, kind of like a pregnant woman.

Answer 7

Just let her now that you mean business. If she has a computer/cell phone/ipod it gets taken away for 1 hours the first time 1 days the second and so on. Get her some responsibilities . Something to keep her busy. But also show her that you love her and that she cant act like that to get attention because she feels mad/sad about her parents/whatever.

Answer 8

when i was 11 i started acting like that with my mom i think it's just b/c thats when i thought "oh right im almost a teen..i can do what i want...i don't have to listen to my mom...lalalala" stuff like that...you know? well i think it's just b/c she thinks she's grown up so she doesn't have to listen or respect you.talk to her like a sit down talk (not you going off at her or anything) b/c my mom would yell at me and that just made me more rebelious i'd sneak out and stoped talking to her for days and that turned into about 1 year without talking to her until she sat me down and talked about what i was doing and how it made her feel (disrespected)..im 16 now and i give my mom the respect that she needs and diserve just from that one talk

Answer 9

You need to sit her down and tell her exactly what kind of respectful behavior you expect of her and why you expect that kind of behavior. You need to inform her that from here on out, there will be consequences when she chooses to be disrespectful or break a "rule." Layout the consequences, make sure you both know them well. Then stick to them. She'll learn soon enough.

Answer 10

tell her your sick of her behavior and u love her. but she better shape up her atitude or else.

Answer 11

She is going through a lot.

Puberty is rough, with raging hormones and divorce is really hard on kids.

She is at an age where she is trying to figure things out and parents become the whipping post for frustrations.

Answer 12

Don't be so tuff on yourself and definitely don't blame the divorce b/c I am married to my 11yr olds father and we have the "normal" family life and my little girl is doing the same thing! Its the age and just their not so polite way of finding out who they are and "testing the waters" if you wanna call it that. They just want to see just how far they can push those buttons and see what they can and can not get away with. She is my oldest so I'm not so sure how its all gonna pan out yet lol but my advice is to keep being stern with her and let her know who the parent is in the situation. Disrespectful to you will turn into disrespect to others too if we choose to ignore it all. Good luck to you and yours

Answer 13

It's a horrific combo of p*****n, and the divorce - most especially the latter, I would think. Her world is being torn apart and devastated, and you have to be committed to help her through this. She has to know that she's not the reason for the divorce, that YOU were the one who made the mistake in choosing her dad and marrying him.

She's trying to show you how much she wants guidance and structure, that's what acting out is, so you need to give it to her, tempered with love, obviously.

You need to nip this now, because it's not going to get better on her own. Don't you put her in a guilt trip over 'your' sacrifices, that would just be SO mean of you. You are the parent, that is YOUR responsibility.

Good luck!

Answer 14

You can't change her behaviour only she can do that but you need to try and understand it. Tell her often that it is her behaviour you dislike and not her and make sure you don't forget to praise the good stuff. I think the fact that she is not disrespectful to other people means that you are doing a good job as a mother and that she feels safe and secure enough that you love her to be able to vent her frustrations on you. Make sure you give her opportunity to tell you if she is angry with you about divorce and if split amicable perhaps ask x for help reconfirming what you say.Realise I sound like a big softie but she's only 11 - make some time for her (alone) and try to have fun with her again!

Answer 15

The next time she acts up, ground her. Take away her stuff, and send her to her room for ten minutes.

Answer 16

uh mabie ppl are making fun of her at school and is taking her anger out on you. mabie u should talk to her to see why she is being so disresectful