Why is my 17 year old ,rebellious toward me and why does she bully me?

Question

she is in the gateway program and i signed for her to do this,her grades in highschool weren't so great.she has a boyfriend in the marines.he recently gave her a diamond.He leaves for Iraq in september.He wants to marry her before he leaves.I wont sign for her,and she goes to school but wont work,or do chores around the house.I told her i wasn't signing to get her tongue pierced.she said she hated my guts.I am

so frustrated...should i sign for her to marry,she isn't very responsible.she is leaving with a friend friday to see her fiance

who is on base.It's a 5 hour drive..please any advice would help..

Answer 1

Sounds like a typical teen.  However, if she's "bullying" you, then its because you've allowed her to at some point and time.  The fact that you told her "no" to getting married and are now reconsidering it is proof that you lack consistency in your rules and guidelines for her.  Put your foot down and stick to it.  In fact, she's too young to be traveling 5 hours by herself to see a boyfriend.  If she leaves without your permission, you can get the police involved.  She'd be considered a run away and they can pick her up.  

Also, I'm sure the commanding officer of the Marine would be happy to know that he is messing around with a 17 year old without her parents consent.  ;)

Let her know that when she's 18 and out of your house, she can do as she pleases.  Surely she can wait until November.  Until then, your house.... your rules.

Answer 2

I think we have it down that she is out of controll. you should see a pediatrician. I know this might sound like something a horrible mother would do but you should let her do whatever she wants. if it has been going on for a long period of time then it is really no use of trying to stop it now. (heres the bad part)  I would not alow her to come in my house i would kick her out.. yes yes i know that is a horrible thing to do but she did it to herself.if she wants to sit down  and talk about the problem let her say everything then you can talk.you could try atleast a little to get through to her.

Ps. good luck and its not just you there are many more stuggleing parents too. you're not alone!!

                                                   -Casey!!

Answer 3

NO you shouldn't sign for her to get married!!!!   SCARY!  

Make her wait till she is actually old enough, and probably by then, she'll be onto something new.  As far as her disrespecting you, just give her the silent treatment.  Why are you letting her go on a 5 hour drive?  Don't be an enabler!

Answer 4

I think in the meantime you should tell her that you are the parent and tell her that God wants her to obey you and it even says so in Ephesians 6:1 (Children obey your parents) and if you don't think she's ready then she's not. And mother always knows best. Don't let her boss you around. You brought her into this world and all you want for her is the best. And until she grows up she'll see that you are right. I bet you when her fiance leaves she will forget all about him after awhile. I used to be so mean to my mom but now I see is that all she wanted for me all along was the best. Good luck to you!!!

~mom to be

Answer 5

What ever you do, do not sign for her to get married. She may think she hates you now, but in the long run she will thank you. Please don't take this the wrong way but I think you have let things get too out of control with her.You are the parent thus you need to command respect pronto. This should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago but you can't go back and change things. All you can do is start from here on out. First of all this road trip of her's? I don't think so and what's this about not doing anything around the house?? you need to tell her not ask her. Let her know that she's not too big for you to whip her A#@!

Answer 6

bully you? slap the h**l out oh her. that's what my mom would do if i acted that way to her

Answer 7

Sorry to tell you this  Mom but you have an out of control, independant teenage daughter <she sounds like she's the twin of my 18 yr old!!!!>.  If she's like mine she was always bull headed and wanted to learn, decide, choose things on her own once she hit her mid teens and it has been a journey of repeated mistakes, bad choices, bad relationships and troubles ever since!  

I think regardless of what she wants/says or does YOU still need to be the parent and be honest, give her boundaries & consequences.  Some choices however, you might need to relinquish just for the sake of keeping a relationship with her. I've always tried to keep an open line of communication with her regardless of her stupid choices and inappropriate boyfriends, clothing or wants!  It's saved our relationship but she continues to just make bad decisions in her life.  But sadly that is part of life and some people have to learn things the hard way.  But I always figured until they are 18 they are still my responsibility and I have to give my opinion, my direction <whether they follow it or not>, my guidance, my love even when I disagree with her choices.  She always knew I still loved her!

I'm sorry - I know somewhat how you feel and I know it's hard and it's heartbreaking to see your child go thru this when you see another better way.  But it sounds like she is another one that might have to learn things the hard way.  As long as she isn't making unhealthy, unsafe choices - maybe you need to put her on a limited but slightly released leash!   She seems SOOO young to get engaged and that sounds like trouble just waiting to happen.  NO WAY would I give permission for that marriage.  She needs to have her young single life as long as possible.  This boy could be killed in Iraq and then she'd be in terrible shape, single mother, no money, no schooling, no training?  You can see this - she can't!  The tongue piercing might be a white flag.... she'll be doing it when she's 18 if not now - that's what mine did.  She paraded into her 18th birthday and pulled up her shirt to proudly reveal her pieced belly button. - well anyway... I could go on & on here myself cuz I emphathize with you so much!  Hang in there Mom - she's practically an adult.  Once mine was I told her her choices & consequences were her own now and I was able to let GO of a lot of my worry & burden... not all of it - but enough to not freak out!

Answer 8

Sorry...But the only reason kids act this way is because YOU have ALLOWED it...in some ways yes...she is a teen..but a teen without respect...a teen who is not used to you cracking down on her...I speak from experience...I am a Single...Widowed Mom of 2 teens and 1 pre-teen...a17 year old daughter,a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter...THEY know better than to Disrespect me...I have never allowed it therefore they don't try..if one of them pushes the edge of the envelope and gets out of line...they are IMMEDIATELY put in check...you cannot be Lax in discipline while they are little and expect them to SNAP too when they are Teens...Why did you sign for a gateway program instead insisting she do Nothing Extra-Curricular until she brought her grades up...being in this program and you allowing it, tells her you don't expect alot from her...she has alot of extra time on her hands to think of ways to be rebellious...I wouldn't allow her to go see the Boyfriend...how old is this guy anyway? You are WAY too Permissive that is why you are in the boat you are in...And you used the term Bully...THAT would be the DAY my kid would try to bully me...it would be their last day...or at least they would WISH it was...You have to earn a kids respect and you just have not done it...you may feel I am being harsh...I'm just telling you the truth...Good Luck...Learn From your Mistakes..if you have younger ones at home...you better become a stricter, less permissive parent with them or face the same thing in a few years

Answer 9

If you believe her do as your mind says. Mood swings teenagers. Shes still going through that phase where a part of her brain is developing , dont try to be soo nosy. Its hard to study and work at the same time. Studying is harder than getting a job. TRUST me on that one. Bad grades a Bf that has a chance of dying and a mother who is not signing a paper for tongue piercings .. can turn into allot of chaos packed in one.

Answer 10

She's probably rebellious because she doesn't like your decision. It's your decision what you do, and if you don't like the idea of her marrying yet, and you don't think she's responsible, that's your right. Stick to your guns. She'll respect you more if you stand firm than if you let her push you around.  Trust me.

Answer 11

Because you let her.

You need to show her whos boss.

Your house = your rules.

Shes too young to be married, if you sign the papers it'll bite you in the *** (or her, more likely) in 5 years when she realizes maybe she shouldnt have picked a life partner before shes old enough to drink.

If she doesnt listen you can kick her out in a year.

Answer 12

Tell her as long as she lives under your roof, she will obey you, and when she turns 18 if she wants to move out, let her.  She might make mistakes, but sometimes that's the best and humbling way to learn.  Just make sure you let her know how you feel so you don't feel like you didn't do your best to warn her.

Answer 13

she sounds like any other teenager, don't give in.

Answer 14

Stick to your guns she can wait until she is 18 to marry and get a tongue ring, if you have already said no stick to it, and why is she going with a friend 5 hrs away by herself i don't know if that is a good idea. She is going through teenage drama, put an end to the bully of you from her. Once she gets out on her own she can do what she wants. Untill then your house your rules. My fiances 13 yr old acts like she runs the house it is getting so bad i am about to call the whole thing quits.

Answer 15

well the chances are that shes gonna marry him anyways when she turns 18. And if shes rebellious anyaways and since shes turning 18 in november u might as well just sighn for her, and if something were to happen to him she would really resent you. Its her life and if she makes the choice to want to marry him u should let her and if all goes wrong then that will be her fault. and then atleast she wont hate u.