Why is my father doing this?

Question

Okay..Like I am really distraught right now about this. My dad whom I have never met (That I can remember) before 2 months ago. He moved to my city with a family who is his own. Well we do not get along well and now all of a sudden I have to spend my weekends over there. I mean this family is like one of those perfact nightmares. Well I brought my boyfriend over and they were totally rude to him, and have been to me. My step mom tries to get me to change my style, and they think I dress "too wild" as she put it. I mean I am not stick thin and their daughter rebekah makes all these rude remarks and stuff. I am not fat either, all my friends say it is because she is jelous because I guess I am unique and don't have to make efforts at anything! I mean I am 16 almost 17 and haven't seen him a day in my life. And me and my mom have been through so much stuff, and she has been battling cancer for almost a year now, and now they say there is nothing they can do for her.

Answer 1

I may be speaking out of turn, but check into it anyway. One of two things. Your mom has custody of you and she can put it in her will that she request you to live with your Aunt. Secondly, if I'm not mistaken when you turn 13, you have the right to go to court and chose who you want to live with. Please check this information out with your state. As far as your dad and his rude family, if your mom wants you to go to visit...just pacify her for her sake. After your 18, bye bye daddy if you don't straighten up. You've made it this far without him....you can continue on without him. I have no pity for disappearing fathers and then they show up out of the blue and want to play daddy

Answer 2

ok one i am from  a broken family too. my father never go married but u have to keep in mind as much of a shock this is for u it is for them. it is a big change u all have to make room for even if u dont want too. and yes u are a little wild looking but i was the same way too. give their daughter time and she too will go thought it we all do at one time or another. and i am sorry about your mom. if i was u i would start my not believeing the doctors. doctors can only do so much then comes god. also i would pray about your father for god to give u ideas to help u both deal with all of this. i think he is just trying to make up for the time he missed. but sees that he cant. and for u living with your aunt. u are over 16 in which most states if i am right u can pick which ones but your mom would have to give u up to your aunt or have it in her will. i know this is a very crazy time. just remember god never puts us though stuff we cant handle. he doesnt want to destore u. he wants to help u. just remember that when the times get ruff. it has helped me right now my husband is overseas fighting. has been for 10 months he has to leave weeks after i gave birth to our son. that was very hard for him to leave us knowing when he got back his son wouldnt know him. i know it is hard but u will make it. try listen to wayfm online or klove. they have helped me over the years and i am sure they would help u too. i hope u can find something good out of this just remember u arent the only one hurting every one is. hang in there.

Answer 3

At almost 17, you are old enough to become emancipated  (if your mom is willing to sign the papers) which would give your father absolutely no rights in your life because you would be considered an adult.  The only hard part about this is that you would also not have any support as far as having a home, food, money, etc. provided for you.  I'm sorry to hear about your mom--sounds like you guys are close.  Talk to her about your concerns...like that your dad may get custody of you if something happens to her, and then ask her about becoming emancipated so that you can't be legally forced to live with or even visit him.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Nice picture of you guys!  Anyway, I think you are of the age that you can decide who you want to live with.  Do some research on the laws in your state.  If you end up going to court over this, respectfully tell the judge that you would prefer to live with your aunt, who has been around for your entire childhood and actually knows you and what's best for you.  Considering your father's history with you, the judge should  take that into consideration.  

I'm so sorry to hear your family is battling this.  Cancer is a horrible disease.  Bless you and your family.

Answer 5

I'm a mom of 3, my eldest is 12, so my point of view is more parental but it probably would do you good to see a different perspective.

First of all don't just dismiss your dad, but you owe it to yourself to sit down and talk to him and your mom (I would do it seperately).  Voice your concerns, your almost 17 and it seems that you want to be treated like an adult so act like it.  If you want him to see your point of view you have to have an open mind to his suggestions but also point out your concerns in a constructive way.  If you don't think you can remain calm about it then write it down and read it to him.

Remember that you are extremely lucky to be able to have a relationship with both your parents.  Some fathers (who I'd say aren't human) wouldn't come back to take care of a child that hates him.  That step mom is probably afraid of how things will turn out but obviously she is willing to open her heart and home to you.

When you have that meeting with your dad use less eyeliner, you are a beauty and you don't need that much makeup.  Make-up is meant to enhance your beauty not take it over.

THis is all sudden to you and ofcourse you don't want it and the reason you don't want it is because you want to be in your own life with your mom.  No one can blame you for not wanting to change your life.  Remember that your mom will always be with you she will be in your heart.

My heart goes out to your whole family.

LOL

Answer 6

Let me start by saying I am sorry to hear about your mother. I also lost my mother to cancer at a young age. . . . You are younger then I was, tho, so I really do feel for you! ! !

fact is that your father chose to be estranged from you for nearly 17 years.  In my opinion with each tick of the clock in that time he gave up any all all parenting rights.

Now, I would fight any and all custody right through the courts, on your behalf. Your mother may not have the fight in her. It may also prove how grown up and mature you are. . . . . Contact your local county court, and inquire on the "family Court, they may be able to direct you to a court appointed attorney of at the very least a lawyer that will take on your case pro-bono. . . . (free).

With you aunt there at your side, a woman that has been in your life by love and choice from day one. Who do you think a compassionate judge pick.

Tell your dad that you have to focus on your mom right now. Time is limited, so you want to be with her as much as possible.

Take care of yourself too.

Answer 7

I think you are legally old enough now to say where you want to live.  Check out what your state law is.  You shouldn't have to go over there if you don't want to.  Where the h**l has he been for the past 17 years?  

I'm sorry about your mom.  You don't need the added stress of dealing with your absent father right now.  Stop going over there.  I very much doubt the state can force you.  And if they can, you can petition the state to be emancipated.  (that would also mean that he would no longer have to pay child support, but I say, who cares?  Let him keep his d**n money!)

My dad wasn't much of a dad either, so when I was old enough I cut him out of my life.  And I've been better for it!

PS.  i think you and your boyfriend are really cute!  You're not fat at all!!  I used to dress like that when I was your age too.  Enjoy it while you can!

Answer 8

I am really sorry about your situation. I hope that your Mom will pull through but it sounds like they are trying to get you set up for the time when she may not be around. It may put your Mom at ease to know that you have a place to go. Maybe for your Mom's  sake you should try to get along with your father and his family. I am sorry. It sounds difficult and he says things that are not nice.  

If you can talk to your Mom about the living situation and see if she can suggest sharing time with your Aunt then maybe that can make you feel better.

In the meantime, I notice what looks like a hickey on your boyfriend's neck in the picture. Okay, they are pretty harmless but it is not really the kind of thing a man likes to see on his daughter's boyfriends neck. Maybe you guys can keep a lower profile. In about a year you can live wherever you want since you will be 18. Try to focus on your Mom right now and what might help her in this very difficult time. I can not imagine how worried she must be about your well being knowing there is chance that she will not be around.

Again, I am really sorry about your situation. Good luck.

Answer 9

Your father might not have been there for you but your mom has and while you may not see it as the best decision, your mother has her reasons for calling your father.  Your mother who has always been there for you is keeping your best interest at heart.  I do not believe that she would purposely send you someone whom you do not know so that they can humiliate you.  

As you are close to your aunt, keep close contact with her.  Just because you live with your father doesn't mean you can't call and see your aunt whenever you wish.  Instead of bringing over your boyfriend maybe you should bring over your aunt and let your father see first hand the relationship and bond that you share.  Make it a family affair or something to bring out some pictures and let your father in on what he's missed out on.  Bring him up to date.  

Your aunt is the closest kin to your mom and as a 16 year old you will need a lot of guidance and questions that you want answered by a women.  Let your father know that and I'm sure he'll respect that bond.

Answer 10

sorry to hear about your mom:)

I would speak to her and your aunt about your living arrangements ASAP!

Cute picture!!