Why is my husband doing this???

Question

Ok I have been married for almost 8 years we have 2 kids a nice home and nice cars my husband is in the military has been for 9 years and makes great money out of 8 years I have only worked 1 year because we have 2 small children and it has never really worth me working plus with his job there are no set hours my husband has always been a little bit on the overbearing side but never enough to really bother me but he got put on a special duty for the next 3 years and he hates it and I understand that and i try to keep him motivated and give him sympathy and a listening ear but while he was away on training for 7 weeks for this new job 4 states awy by the 2nd week he started to change he didnt want to talk to me on the phone he always had somthing to do and he started hanging out with people he met which is no big deal i didnt care but he was drinking all the time and never had time for me at all while he was there he bought a new truck without consulting me and at that time I was working full time and takeing care of the house and the kids no complaints there he also spent 1,500 out of our savings account when his room and meals were provided and he also had a goverment credit card in which to purchase gas for his car and additional food etc. with no explanation of what he needed it for when I asked him and I know that it was not for food or gas cuz I got his credit card statements in the mail and sometimes i would call and I would hear girls in the background and i would ask what he was doing or where he was at and he would say he was in his room but then he would contradict himself the next day by telling me about something that happened but i never tripped on him or said anything that i knew he was lieing i just let it go and figured i was just being paranoid or reading too much into things but when he came back i noticed more he had some phone numbers for girls on his phone i asked about them he said he was in school with them and had to have them in case of a phone tree or something and i said well now you can erase them and he said he did he was also acting diffrent in the way of his personality he is usually very quiet and ver conservative he was now acting all cool and open his look changed and other things like his s*x drive he either coulndnt get it up or couldnt get off or just flat out didnt want it he said it was just that he was getting older he had just turned 26 the first time we had s*x when he got back he couldnt finish and to be quite frank he has never had any of those problems and he is usually fast about it after that long and will not leave me alone for at least a week well that was 5 months ago the s*x has not changed we only do it maybe 1 time a week im 24 thats not enough and his attitude towards me and the kids has changed completely he is nit picky at everything with me and the kids he just doesnt spend anytime with the kids anymore he is always at work 7 am -10pm there will be numbers on his cell i dont recognize but i cant say much about that he is in the army but he does not respect me at all he tells me im lazy useless hes not attracted to me anymore tells me to leave and im trash worthless pile of nothing and he does it in front of the kids he critisizes everything i do now the house is never clean enough and everything is always wrong he blew up on me for not putting some dvds back in the case i mean curseing me calling me names telling me he is not attracted to me and thats why we dont have s*x anymore because he dont want to have s*x with someone whos lazy and cant do any thing right also a few years ago he had an addiction to p**n he would refuse s*x with me and then go look at that and do the deed i caught him doing it again i have talked to him about it numerous times about everything and he says he would stop if i would just do what he says and do it the way he wants meaning the house and his nitpicking at everything and i have tryed to correct what he askes but its never the same thing he is complaining about its something diffrent everyday the rules are always changeing he cant expect me to do what he wants if it a never ending list of changeing rules he also got drunk one night and admitted he had an affair while away at school but the next day denied it he denies that he is having one now yet he certainly isnt sleeping with me and he is so controling lately to the point that he would not let me go to my nieces 1st birthday party 3 hours away i am at my wits end with all this i have also asked him to go to counseling and he says that counseling is stupid and doesnt help anything please some one tell me what is going on why did my wonderful husband turn into a jerk oh yea one other thing i forgot to mention he has not changed his attitude towards anyone else but me and the kids and he also tels me he can do whatever he wants cuz he is grown and he works and i dont but he told me not to go back to work and he brags to everyone that his wife doesnt have to work and when we are around our family its like he is back to his old self again he gets all loving with me and the kids and that lasts for about a day then he turns evil again some one help me understand please help and not rude answers please I dont want to leave my husband i love him i just want him back .

Answer 1

you crazy i am not reading all that, you need to give a brief version

Answer 2

ok....i don't know what answer your looking for, but if I were you I would definitely be a lil worried. to me it sounds like he is messing around on you. I would do a bit of investigating, or confront him. The way he is acting shows that he is guilty of something. If you want to save your marriage you need to have a serious conversation with him and try to seek marriage counseling...Good Luck!

Answer 3

this is way too long

can you give us a synopsis

Answer 4

hes cheating on you leave him plain and simple

Answer 5

What is wrong with everyone.  When you write something you should use punctuation and capital letters.  No one wants to read a run-on sentence that is 100 lines long.

Answer 6

wayy too long

cant read that much sry

Answer 7

wow is there a short version...

Answer 8

Good grief!  Too freaking long...and you evidently don't know how to use a period....Did you even take a breath while you typed this long azz story?

Answer 9

In the history of the English language that is quite possibly the longest, most boring run-on sentence ever written. Started getting dizzy part way through- couldn't finish.

Answer 10

most of the time when a man changes to the extremes you mentioned he is either got a girl friend or is on drugs. and obviously neither is good. my suggestion, pray. it works. i have been there and done that. and either way it doesn't mean that your marriage is over. things can always turn around. communication is the key. he has to know how you feel and you have to know how he feels. if he doesn't want to go to therapy, get the book 'the five love languages' read it together. or read it by yourself if he won't read it with you.  i t is very insightful. also try to do things together. go out to the movies and out to eat. try to get back to where yall used to be. and remember that love is not something that just happens. you have to work at it everyday.

but ultimately if you try different things and he is still the same, you

may want to leave. i usually never suggest divorce. and that is not what i am suggesting now, but it sounds like he is verbally abusing you. and that is not good for you or your children. so you may need to leave for a while and work it out that way.

good luck.

Answer 11

Too long to read.

Answer 12

He's cheated on you & is still doing so. Time for you to get a divorce & get child support, alimony, & clean his account out. You don't deserve to be with him, you can raise your children all by yourself.

Answer 13

from what you said you guys were married 8 years which means you were 16. you both had a lot of growing up to do and now it seems like he has had a change of heart. I hate to tell you but I think your husband isn't happy anymore and it doesn't have anything to do with you. I think his feelings have changed and he is realizing that he doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know you don't want to leave him.. but why would you put you and your kids through that kind of abuse?? You can't change someone unless they want to change and it seems like now your husband is going out and meeting new people and doing his own thing. It seems he is trying to push you away but you won't budge. I would have flipped over the phone numbers and the money.. that is a little outrageous. He is going out and doing what he wants while you stay at home and watch your kids grow up.. it isn't fair. Lose this guy.. there is someone out there that will give you the time of day!!!!

Answer 14

Dude this question is way too long!!!!!

In 5 years you will remember my answer and know that you should've followed my advice sooner:

Find someone better and move on.

Answer 15

This has got to be the longest run-on sentence in the history of yahoo answers.

Sorry, but I couldn't get further than the first 100 words due to your lack of punctuation. I couldn't even find a question in there ..