Why is my man so different from all the rest???

Question

My guy is so selfish. I do everything for him. I have his child. I've taken him back a million times. I take care of everything. He does nothing. Not even capable of making phone calls. Every time he thing he's about to lose me he is the sweetest person. Then when he thinks he has me again he is irritated, aggressive, annoyed at everything I say and do, he yells at me, curses at me, hangs up on me. PlayStation, PlayStation, PlayStation. Even though we are an ocean apart right now. Wonder how "nice" it'll be when we live together. He is so sweet when someone else wants me. How can I get him to stay that way, though??? I guess all men have to be trained somehow.

My daughter is 5 and is even starting to say she hates Daddy because he is always being mean to Mommy and making her cry. EVEN THOUGH HE IS ACROSS AN OCEAN he manages to get me so down.

And please don't tell me to leave him cuz I never will. Please tell me how to cope or how to help him be a friendlier person.

He works. Actually does 70-80 hours a week. And is about to join the Reserves for extra money to get us to the States. He is immature. Even though he shouldn't be, he is 25 now. I've known him for 6 years now. Even taken him back even after having been apart for 4 years. He ditched me with the kid for someone else. At least he always pays child support. He is pretty "decent" with responsibilities. I think he's got some type of depression that's causing him to be irritated and down all the time. He is extremely moody, too. Like an emotional rollercoaster.

Answer 1

You have given just about every reason imaginable to leave this guy but since you are determined to stay in an unhealthy relationship then I won't suggest that you leave him.

Find out what co-dependency means.  You are co-dependent and will do anything to remain in what is a very dysfunctional situation even at the expense of your daughter's well being.  You have some serious problems here.  I would suggest that you get some kind of help because you are not in tune with reality here.  Something is driving you to remain in a situation that most women would have left long ago.  And they would have left because they would have put the well being of  their children first.  But for some reason you refuse to see that.

Your daughter should be living in an environment where she sees a loving relationship between her parents and feels loved.  Instead she says she hates her daddy.  Little 5 year olds just don't say things like that.

I hope you eventually stop making excuses for your partner and smell the coffee.  You are not helping your little girl.  In fact you are doing irreparable damage to her by allowing her to grow up in this kind of an environment.

Answer 2

Because you are a pushover.  Leave the bum and find a man who will treat you with honor, dignity and respect.  If not, shut up and take what he gives you.

Answer 3

Tell him how do u feel when he starts acting mean.

Talk about what's wrong

Answer 4

You know in your heart that this man is not for you, otherwise you wouldn't get so in depth with his bad qualities.  Even your 5 year old doesn't like him!  You just won't leave him because you feel emotionally attached to him; you've been with him for so long.  You can't wait for him to mature.  Just think that you could be spending time right now with a guy who actually cares for you!  I think that if you move in with your guy, he may turn physically abusive, and I don't think you want yourself or your daughter to witness or be victims of it.  You should be looking for more than a guy who is "decent" with responsibilities and is only sweet when he thinks he may lose you.  Leave him now, and ignore his pleas to take him back.  Be strong.

Answer 5

Darlin I understand your feelings, and I sympathize with you, and all I could suggest is that you must get him to see how you truly feel, and that will take some drastic measures, first refuse to talk with him if he is going to be abusive, tell him he can talk to you anytime but you will not tolerate any cursing , or derogatory remarks you are the mother of his child and you should command respect for that. When you are together he can play on his playstation all day or have s*x with you at night, it would be fair to allow him some time for his game but set a limit. insist that he spend time with his child also. I hope you can find something helpful here, It is difficult only hearing part of the issues but I do hope that I have helped you see that you do have some options other than divorce. Good Luck

Answer 6

Well, youre right he might have a problem, but 1st he has to own up to it. he made the decision to marry you or whatever and have a kid with you. hes a man and needs to act like one and it is obvious that you are always willing to work things out but he needs to also. maybe suggest couples counseling. if he acts stupid about it and absolutely wont do it then things will never get better and you need to find someone that WIll make you happy. you cant always be giving. its 50/50 not 75/25 or if hes even giving you that much. i know long hours can be hard but he really has to be willing to make an effort to make things better for him and you guys. if hes not happy he wont be able to make you or your daughter happy. and also another big thing is your daughter should absolutely not be subjected to any kind of abuse even if its only verbal to you. kids soak up everything. its your job to keep her protected from any kind of danger that might be lurking out there including her father if that is the case. everyone knows the 1st step is to realize you have a problem, next is to take action to solve it. if he really is just bothered by you and not happy with you then you also need to realize that you need to move on and you guys might not be meant for each other. he might be waiting for something better and stays with you as a security blanket. either way you 2 need to talk about it all and get it all out in the open and he needs to come clean with you about whatever might be going on. good luck with everything, let me know if you have anymore question. good luck. love is hard but we all make it through it.