Why is my mom being so unreasonable?!?

Question

Ok, this situation is really complicated so please bear with me.

So I'm 17 and I recently found a summer job because my mom kept on pressuring me to find one. Before I got this job, I either stayed at home all day or hung out with my friends. She told me to chat more with my coworkers because I'll feel happier at work and she also said that it's networking. So after 3 days of work, I became friends with all of my coworkers and I even became best buds with the two guys that are in their 20's (all of my coworkers are male except for the receptionist). So then yesterday, one of the 20 something year old guy offered to drive me home since it was only me and him left in the office. All of them knows that I don't drive and that I bus home. Then when I told my mom about it, she disapproved of me being this close to my coworkers and she told me to not assume that the guy that drove me home is my boyfriend. Since when did I refer to him as my boyfriend?

Answer 1

simply because she's your mom

Answer 2

well because she your mom and shes trying to protect you, she probably didnt expect you to make friends with 2 20 year old guys. just be careful dont let your guard down around them you never know if their really your friends or not.

Answer 3

maybe she just wants you to be happy but she dose not relize that you are old enough, and mature enough to choose your own friends and boyfriends

Answer 4

Knowing a little bit about your culture I would assume the following:

Your Mother is very cautious and conservative.

She would want to know a great deal about any young man that you expressed interest in.

Your mom may not have listened to every word you said, but I am sure when she heard Men, Boys, Guys, Car ride, little parental alarm bells went off. That may be all she heard. Really!

She is protective, sometimes overprotective.

My advice...

Sit down and put yourself in your Mom's place for a moment. Think about how much she loves you, and cares about you. Think about what she may really hear when you talk. Then talk to her about the situation in a calm manner. Talk about men and relationships, really talk, and really listen to what she says, and then try to reach some kind of trust level.

She obviously loves you, and that is a wonderful thing.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

She is treating you like a child, which you technically are (due to your age) and which you will always be (her offspring).  Parents often have problems recognizing that their children are maturing or have matured enough to have good judgment and make wise decisions.  Some parents also have control issues with their children.  This is, sadly, more often true when we are talking about Chinese parents, or parents who are first generation immigrants while the children are born or raised in the new country.  I don't know if that's your situation, but that is my situation and I still have significant boundaries issues with my parents -- and I am 41!

Notwithstanding all that, though, sometimes parents are right.  =)  They have much more life experience than you have, and may also see things that happen to you more clearly than you do because they are not personally involved in the situation.  

I am not saying this is the situation with you and your mom, but she may have valid concerns even though she is not expressing those concerns in a totally consistent or respectful way.  So, please don't just ignore what she says.  Instead, take her opinions with a grain of salt, and navigate life your own way.  You don't have to lie to your mom, but you may not want to mention the guys as often as you have.

Answer 6

just be polite to your mum and stop talking about the boys so much, then she might not worry about it.

Answer 7

You say these 2 guys are in their 20s.  How old?  20? 21? 29?  

Your mom is worried that these 2 young men are really too old to be hanging around with a 17-year-old girl.  She's concerned that they might find you very naive and easy to manipulate.  

Here's something you need to remember.  If you are in the United States, in many states you are old enough (at 17) to legally consent to have s*x with a man.  BUT, if that man is more than 3 years older than you, he can be charged with statuatory rape (in some states, not all).  The man would then be classified as a child s*x offender and would have to register as a s*x offender for the rest of his life.

I know, you're probably not even thinking about s*x with either of these guys.  Your mom is more concerned that they might be interested in s*x with you and that you might not be mature enough to know the difference between a selfish, manipulative man and a man who is truly interested.

When my daughter was 17, she worked in an office with a bunch of people in their 20s and 30s.  When they invited her to go out to dinner or do stuff on weekend, my husband and I either drove her to the place, or we met her there.  We made certain that it was a GROUP of people, not just her and 1 or 2 guys.  And we made certain that all the guys knew her parents kept a careful eye on her.  Consequently, they always treated her with the utmost respect.

Just be careful of hanging out with the guys, especially if it's just you plus the 2 of them.  That's a set-up for a bad situation.  But if it's a group activity, talk to the receptionist and see if she can give you a ride and let your mom know that other young ladies will be there.  That will help.

Be patient with your mom, even when you want to tear your hair out.  It does get better, I promise.

Answer 8

she's a little bit exaggerate but is because she is your mom...mom are like that....she just wanna protect you... be patient... good look..

Answer 9

its your moms nature she is what is called a helicopter mom to tell dose her mom always hang armound the house and goe verywhere with you it is very common in chinesse for the grandparent of a child to wacth over that is what your mom is doing to you im chinesse to but my moms not like that she just want you to be safe and not get hurt phisically and emotionally

Answer 10

Whoa! Wow!

Don't rub it in on your mom. Ya she ****** up.

Maybe you should find a better place to hang out with the 20yr.

Answer 11

Sounds like your mom hasn't realized that you can't be a social person and avoid the opposite gender at the same time.  I'd tell her that if she has a problem with you chatting to you coworkers, you can always quit your job and start hanging around the house again.  Pointing out her hypocrisy can be a good thing if done properly.

Answer 12

Sounds like your mom is having a hard time comming to grips with having a teenage daughter.  She is trying to protect you even though you seem to have a pretty good handle on life.  I think that it is time for you and your mom to have some long and serious talks about life, s*x and what she expects you to do with the rest of your life.  It is what you mother isn't saying that bothers me.  So start talking.