Why is my mom giving me a hard time?

Question

I'm a 26 year old single female with one child who moved in with my mom after my ex and I broke up and my dad died unexpectedly to help out my mom. It was supposed to be temporary. (This was three years ago.) A few months ago, my mom and her boyfriend decided they wanted to move in together and that I should find my own place now. I agreed, it was time. My mom told me to start looking for a new place. I found one and gave her two months notice that I was moving out. Now, a few weeks before the move, she and her boyfriend broke up and she wants me to stay because she can't afford to live by herself. She is really guilt-tripping me and telling other family members that I'm abandoning her. I'm really stressing about this. I've already paid the first month's rent and security deposit on the new place. What should I do?

Answer 1

Move out as planned. It was her suggestion in the first place and it is time you got on with your own life and her with hers. She may need to find more affordable housing. Don't let her manipulate you in this manner. Your family and friends will understand, paricularly if she has behaved this way in the past.

Answer 2

She should move to a smaller place she can afford. You have nothing to feel bad about, she encouraged the move when it was convenient for her, now that it's not what she wants to do, she's panicked.  

Answer 3

Tell her that you are not going to abandon her that you are still going to be there for her but, you need to go ahead with your plans and make a life for you and your child. It will be hard for her but she will survive. Chances are very good that she will get back together with her boyfriend and then it will be you sitting there looking silly.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say this..but what your mother did was a very selfish act...she was only thinking of herself when she asked to get your own place. You should move to this new place but before you do , tell your mother she is way out of line talking about you behind your back ,point out to her what she did was wrong. It seems it was ok when the bf was involved but now everything is about her. If you don't take a stand now , you will spend the rest of your life doing everything she wants you to do.

Answer 5

If she can't afford to live alone she should rent out one of her rooms to a friend or another family member.

You shouldn't move back in with her! What if the boyfriend or another boyfriend come along and she wants you out again??

It's not a suitable situation for you and your child and it's great that you've found your own place.  You can't be held responsible for your Mom's actions, you have to build a normal and secure life for YOUR child!

Answer 6

Go to the new place.

It is bad of your mother to guilt you like this.

A mother should know her daughter should be moving out. You can't afford as a single mum with a child to be paying a months rent and deposit for nothing.

I know it sounds hard and harsh but you need to tell your Mum the truth that you have to do it.

You may also have to confront her about "abandoning" her and talking behind your back.

It may be hard but real mothers don't act that way.

It's time for you to be an adult and stand up for yourself.  

Answer 7

Do what you want to do.  You have lived there for three years, I think if you want you own place you deserve to have it.

Your mom is wrong to tell people that you are abandoning her when she told you to find another place to live.  Since she is not being honest,  and if you want your own place, I would go ahead and move.   If she and her bf got back together again, she would ask you to move again.  You have already paid rent on your new apartment I would go live in it.  

good luck!