Why is my son acting out all of a sudden??

Question

My son is 3 and a half, and he all of a sudden started freaking out when he doesnt get his way, it's only happened maybe 3 times now, but when we left a place that he wanted to be at he started screaming and kicking, even pinching me(It's so embarressing) He NEVER acted like this before..He's a very sweet, calm, happy kid normally but these past few times, he's just spazzed...why is he starting to do this?? Is he just testing his limits with me, seeing what he can get away with?? but this is awful and embaressing!! how can I get him to not do it again?? It's only been 3 times, but it needs to stop!! Thank you!

Answer 1

Yes he is testing you. Best thing to do is warn him that you have just 10 minutes before you go, then 5 then one so that it's not just a case of " we're going now". That way he will know what is coming. If find that helps. But it's just his age. In a few weeks he'll stop doing that and move onto something else that's as equally embarrassing.

Answer 2

It's more important how you react. Stay very calm. At the store, leave everything except your purse and stick him on the nearest bench for time out, even right there on the floor, as long as he can't reach anything. It ought to happen so fast his head spins.

As for the physical stuff, I tried a lot of things and it is so upsetting. Nothing helped until one day we just started kind of fooling around and I said, "Baby angry! Go hit the angry pillow!" Well, she did it, and she has pinched it too! It has almost completely stopped! But I like that we identify her feelings and teach her it's not OK to do this to people (or the dog.) Hope this helps.

Answer 3

probally starting puberty :D

Answer 4

Sounds like hes just getting testy. My older grandson did that for a brief time. What ever you do, dont give in to what ever it is he wants. If you are someplace he dosnt want to leave, just pick him up and walk out. If it is something he wants, dont give it to him. If you give in to his acting out, he will quickly learn that this is a good method to get his own way. Once he calms down, try to explain that he should not act that way. It is very hard to reason with a toddler. It goes, terrible twos, trying threes, frustrating fours, etc.

Answer 5

There are lots of things you can do, but one thing to work on may be 'emotional literacy'.  Research shows that people are not able to regulate or control their emotions until they can label them.  So, you might start labeling the feeling of disappointment for him..."Wow...I know you're SO disappointed...I know how that feels"...then give him some ideas of what he can do when he feels that way (take some breaths, think like a 'turtle' - that is go in his 'shell' and calm down, etc).  Try to 'join' with him in the feeling...let him know you've felt that before and that it's too bad he's feeling so disappointed.

Also, be sure to prep him...let him know how long you will be some place, and when that time approaches, give him warnings...maybe a five minute warning and a two minute warning...let him know it's coming so it doesn't surprise him.  Teach him how to handle it when he is NOT having a melt down.  Let him know that you understand that he might not want to leave, but that's okay...remind him of what he can do when he's disappointed and tell him that he will get to back there (if that's the case).

When he's in this melt down, remember, this is not a teachable moment.  The goal should be to calm him down.  His brain is not able to learn when he is tantruming, so really don't try to teach or anything at that time...just get him calm.  The teachable moments happen before he gets upset or after the fact.

I don't think he's 'testing' you...I think he's finding his identity and trying to figure out how to regulate and control his feelings.  

One more thought...when you want him to do things, always tell him what you want to happen instead of what you don't want to happen.  For example 'no hitting' could be 'hands down' or 'be safe' for example.  Young children do not often understand the 'don't' part...so always tell what you want.  And when you praise him, be very specific.  Avoid 'good job' but instead say things like 'Wow...you didn't want to leave ____ but when I told you it was time to go, you came right with me!  That's great!' or 'You are really working hard on that'....those are just examples, but as a rule, be specific in praise.

Hope this helps.

Answer 6

its just a phase, and hes testing your boundaries, as embarrasing as it is, its normal. I worked at a grocery store for 3 years and when a child is acting up I automaticly tell the parent that I would finish ringing their order up and save it for them, so they can take their child to the car and make them calm down, it was a every day occurance. As long as you can keep your head cool while hes freaking out, your child will soon understand that its not going to get him anywhere.

Answer 7

He could of saw a child get his own way and thinks he can too. Just keep putting your foot down. Do not let him get away with anything.

Answer 8

Ahhhh, yes, the "testing phase".... well- patience is a must! And try to be consistent to a fault.  Routine, routine, routine... he may be feeling uneasy and needs to know what to expect.

Answer 9

Oh my....well hon, my son is your son's age and it is a stage that they are going through.  Just let him know that "we don't act this way", and give him a consenquence by telling him if he doesn't stop, then he will have to go to time out. And follow through. And if he starts crying in time out, tell him he cannot get out until he stops crying. This has worked for us so far. Even though my son will still test his limits, we still follow through with the consequences and he pretty much straightens up the rest of the day. Only give 'one' warning with telling him what will happen if he keeps it up, and if he continues, or does it again, then follow thru with the punishment. This is a molding stage of behavior and it doesn't end until he's around 18.  Their fits just go from temper tantrums, to older kid fits with pouting and hybernating in their room when they don't get their way. I just experienced this with my niece who is fixing to turn 21, but acts like a 16 year old.

This too shall pass...it's ok. It will be fine. Just remember consistancy, and follow thru.  It won't happen over night, and it will take a long while for them to know what is acceptable behavior, and what is not.

Answer 10

people always say that two is a terrible age, but my money is on three for being the most terrible!  here is my advise:

1. evaluate his current situation--are there things around him that are changing, stressful, scary, sad, confusing?  he could be expressing those feelings thru these tantrums.  after the tantrum is long since over, ask him questions about how he is feeling/what he is thinking about---maybe you will get to the heart of a problem you didn't know about.

2. every good tantrum needs a good audience--remove him from the watchful eyes of others, or if at home and he is in a safe place, leave the room and ignore the behavior.

3. validate his feelings by saying "wow, i can see you are upset/sad/angry/etc" but don't engage in conversation.  

4. don't be afraid to just pick him up and leave w/out a word, he will learn that tantruming will get him nowhere fast.

good luck!