Why is my wife so accident prone?

Question

As most of you know, my wife had an unfortunate accident with a falling cupboard recently. However, this is not her first time to fall victim into the hands of fate. As only this morning the handbrake of my Rolls disengaged and pinned the woman to a tree for the third time this month. Naturally the olive branch of an apology was offered, and reluctantly, I accepted on this occasion.

My chums at the club have informed me, It stems from the new mirror I put up last month, apparently as she walked by it smashed to the floor (7 years bad luck). If this wasn't enough apart from walking into several doors this year, she has also been rushed to hospital with broken fingers on a few occasions, jamming them in the bedroom draw whilst attempting to rummage through bed sheets where my wallet is kept. I have considered having her sequestered to the east wing for a few weeks. Should she source some sort of counseling for this blatant display of juvenile attention seeking?

Answer 1

its possible that she's retarded. be careful because it seems it might be a contagious strain.  

Answer 2

sounds like me

my husband is determined to put me in a bubble

sounds like she just has bad luck-although I don't buy the mirror thing- and is clumsy

Answer 3

My dear Sir Blackadder, You certainly do seem to have your share of problems with your wife! There are a few things you could try. You might confine her to one room in the mansion - a well-padded room would be best. Or you could employ a servant as a bodyguard to protect the old girl from herself - though that might be expensive & a bit dangerous for the servant. You could also just accept these accidents as her fate & hire a fulltime nurse to be at the ready. But have you considered that it might just be time to trade the old girl in for a newer more reliable model? Might make life a little easier - and cheaper - in the long run! Good luck with this one!

Answer 4

Is your wife's name Nancy? It sounds like my friend Nancy. She does things like that all the time. She didn't want to pay for a gym membership so she bought herself a treadmill and put it right in her dining room next to the china closet.

Knowing Nancy the way I do, I told her it was a bad idea, but anyway, skipping the beginners method, she decided  to take a run on her treadmill one day. She got on it and the speed was much too fast for her to keep up, therefore, knocking her down face first onto the treadmill with her feet jammed up by the china closet.

I guess the vibration to the china closet was what smashed the glass shelves loose, breaking just about everything in there.

Poor thing was all cut up with boo boo knees and a swollen face and an empty china closet.

should have just joined the gym, would have been cheaper.

Answer 5

Dear Mr. Bottom VI, I am with you, I think she is just seeking attention. Do you suppose she has  learned of your many activities and she is so much in love with you , she is craving your attention. Why don't you give her "some" and see if her accidents will go away. Maybe she is lonely and she wants to be with her man. Please don't put her in the east wing, she will morn for your presents...

Answer 6

Are you serious?

Answer 7

umm.. sounds like she is drinking to much maybe you should lock up the booze.

Answer 8

LMAO, up her life insurance policy and encourage her to ride her bike in traffic. (if this is a real question)

Answer 9

some people are just clumsy like that.  i'm a forgetful person and it annoys the heck outta my husband.  i lose my keys every thirty minutes, every day i misplace the same brush i use every morning...some people are just like that.