Why is only 1 Parent allowed to make every decision???

Question

To help understand why our society is so out of control, I'd like to gather some opinions about the following subject:

If it takes 2 to make a baby, why is only 1 of them allowed to make every decision after the initial conception? After a woman (or 14-year-old girl, for that matter) discovers that she's pregnant, only SHE decides whether there's a birth, adoption, or abortion. SHE decides when and IF to put the father's name on the birth certificate. SHE has the unilateral right to name the child, whether HE agrees or not. SHE decides whether or not to even tell the father of the pregnancy. SHE decides when and IF the father ever gets to see the baby. SHE decides everything, the father has no say at all.... so says the Court system.

Next, if there's no marriage involved (common lately, don't you agree?), SHE inevitably is awarded custody, regardless of how many other kids she has with however many other guys. HE is ORDERED to pay child support (and jailed if he doesn't comply), regardless if HE is or isn't allowed to see HIS child (yes, it's HIS, too). SHE has the right to not tell the father about the child for years, then come after him for retroactive child support - denying HIM the right to help raise the child that HE'S forced to pay for. Should the father DARE insist on visitation, SHE has the right to go to Court, claim some form of "abuse" (her word is generally gospel), file a restraining order and keep HIM from his child (meanwhile, HE is still ordered to PAY PAY PAY).

Now before you all try and rip me a new one, yes... I'm fully aware that it's HER body and SHE'S the one who has to either give birth or go through an abortion, but as I claimed in the beginning of this rant, it take TWO people to create the baby. Yes, HE could have used a condom, but SHE has no less than a dozen forms of birth control available to HER, and they BOTH always have the option of abstinence. There are no "accidental pregnancies". If SHE gets pregnant, it's because SHE WANTED TO. h**l, I've seen actual cases where SHE retrieved the used condom to, well, use to her advantage.

Women reading this rant, I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this subject. As it stands right now, the "system" is horribly unbalanced, and I know that not all women resort to some of these tactics, but many, MANY do, and if anyone thinks that the single-parent household isn't the largest contributing factor as to why our society is so F'ed up, I think you're fooling yourselves.

I know that most people refer to the values and morality of prior generations as "Cleaverism", but I can't be the only one to notice that back in the day when the man generated the income, the woman raised the children and took care of the household and they were actually MARRIED.... there weren't gangs, drugs and welfare running our neighborhoods.

Myself - I had a son when I was 21. I was in a relationship (not married), but thought that we'd end up married at some point. She had other plans. I didn't learn that I had a son until he was almost 5 years old. She had left me, got knocked up again, and ultimately had 2 more kids with 2 other guys. I was hit with a support order which I paid, but immediately filed for custody, since she was on welfare, section 8, etc. After almost a year, I was awarded FULL custody and....child support. She never paid a nickel. Ever. I did not go after her for the support. Why? Because she never bothered to come see her son... she was too busy trying to work the system with her other 2 kids.

I could rant on and on, but I'm mostly curious to see what other people think about all of this. I welcome all opinions, good or bad. I guess I just don't understand what happened to people's consciences.

Answer 1

More power to you!  I couldn't agree more!  It makes my heart glad to hear you cared and obtained custody of your son.  I was raised in "Cleaverism" and my siblings and I couldn't have had it any better.  We must, at some point, as a nation, get back to some moral living in order to bring peace for generations to come.

Answer 2

Okay, you lost me at "There are no "accidental pregnancies". If SHE gets pregnant, it's because SHE WANTED TO." That's total BS. Sure, there are crazy women out there that will do anything but there are also numerous unplanned pregnancies that did not occur because "she wanted to". That's just absurd.

Answer 3

i also agree with you. all i know is that my husband and i are trying to raise our children right, but we fear for their future.

women now a disgust me. my own mother disrespects me because i THREW away my future to become a stay at home mom go figure.

good to hear that there are some decent men left out there, your son is very lucky!

Answer 4

Other women may hate me for this but I absolutely agree with you, because I have seen a lot of cases where women get themselves knocked up because they get one chance to sleep with the guy they want and they purposely stop their birth control or don't use a condom, then when they get pregnancy, they keep the baby thinking he will change his mind and if he doesn't then they want child support. I  know a girl who got her self knocked up by some one else man, because she caught him away from his family dealing with a death, and then decided to keep it cause she thought he would leave his wife and kid, never gave him the option to have the kid named after him, she just wanted him to leave his family and be with her, know that she realizes he wont leave his family now two years later she wants to establish paternity and get child support, and she lives in another state, she wont let him see the child unless he comes to her house in another state because she doesn't like the fact he chose to stay with his wife, so she refuses to let the child be apart of his family. i don't think its fair that women take advantage of certain situations. If the man is just a bad father its different but some women do take advantage and its not fair to the men that have to pay these greedy women. If a man tells a woman in her first trimester ( while she still has time to get an abortion) he doesn't want the baby and noting to do with the situation, and she still decides to keep it, she should not be able to get child support for a child she knew he didnt want, she should have to take care of it by herself since SHE decided to keep it. Jst lke men have a choice women have a choice to either keep them closed or get on birth control, women we have to be responsible for bringing unwanted kids in the world too, its not just the men. And putting them in jail just becasue they are not paying wont help either becasue your not getting help either way, you are just being vindictive. Women have to take more responsibility.

And yes there are some accidental pregnancies, its not always both people that wanted them, there are women who get raped every day, and those are not wanted or planned pregnancies, there are also men who take advantage of a female who is emotionally open and a one night stand can lead to a mistake, just like there are women who take advantage of a one time opportunity and end up pregannt, now if the two people are slepping around and neither of them are using protection then no they cant say its an accident. It all comes down to we as human beings have to make better decisions and be more responsible.

Answer 5

It is my personal opinion that the fetus (and subsequently the child) is a separate individual from the moment of conception, and his or her care should be the primary responsibility of both parents. Meaning that any decision made should be done in the best interest of the fetus/child.  Most would agree that A) being born rather than aborted and B) having two active parents, would be in the best interest of the child in the long run.  My opinion is not very popular in this "me me me" society, unfortunately.

Answer 6

Men will never have a choice when it comes to abortion. If a woman was required by law to keep an unborn child in her against her, and she was resentful about it, she would either get an abortion done in a hotel room or she will avoid prenatal care, drink alcohol constantly, do drugs, etc, and plop out a sickly drug-addicted baby and go "here" to the father. The law will never require a woman keep a baby in her body though. Forcing someone to do that would be the equivalent of slavery and there would be huge protests and so much drama.

Child support is for the child. I don't care if a woman plays you and does stuff intentionally to make your life h**l. YOUR child did not do these things to you. Your child still deserves a decent quality of life.

Edit: And no, not all pregnancies are because "she" wanted to. Women are raped every day in this country. Women are forced to have s*x with an abusive partner every day out of fear for their life. I doubt those women choose to get pregnant. A woman shouldn't have to be on birth control "just in case I get raped".

Answer 7

I believe that everything done, and every decision made, should be for the best interest of the child. I don't agree with abortion at all, but think it's even worse when a mother decides to abort a child without telling a father. That's his child too. What if he wants to raise the baby? That innocent child should at least be given the opportunity for one of his/her parents to love them and raise them.

Yes, the court system does seem one sided. There are a lot of groups out there now though that are fighting for more rights for the father.

I am a single mom, my son's dad has chosen to not be in his life. Yes, I did file for child support, but prior to doing so, I had informed his dad and had asked him if he would be okay with me filing for it. Because, let's face it, if a man wants to pay, he'll pay it, and if not, he wont. So I figured I would discuss it with him first because there was no sense in me filing for it, him choosing not to pay it, and then ending up in jail over it. He hasn't paid anything on the child support, and I haven't pushed the issue. I have talked to him about dropping the child support, and he has asked me not to, saying that he wants to get caught up on it. His choice, not mine.

I've tried to always keep him updated on my son, and send him pictures, and things like that. But he doesn't show too much interest, and doesn't live in the same state anymore, so I'm not too worried about it.

I wish we were in a situation where my son had the opportunity to at least know his dad, but it's becoming more apparent that's not what his dad wants.

I feel situations like this only hurt the children. I think a lot of people push the child support issue just to be vindictive. Yes, I understand that it takes more than one person to create a child, and therefore should be more than the responsibility of just one person, but at the same token.. if you're not getting child support now, you're definitely not gonna get it if the other parent is sitting in jail. So I don't even understand the reasoning behind that little scenario.

But ultimately, both parents should be responsible for the life of a child. They should both be responsible financially and emotionally. And if one of those parents are not willing to do that, then the other will just have to pick up the slack, move on with their life, put their child as their FIRST priority, and not be so mean or vindictive to their ex.

Answer 8

too much to read. brief it up and try again.

Answer 9

First, as a female and new mommy, I completely agree with you that society always favors the mother over the father no matter the circumstances. It is completely unfair and it doesn't seem like its changing. I grew up with back and forth custody battles with my mom wanting more support and my father wanting custody. My father ultimately got custody of me and my other siblings but for some reason still had to pay my mother child support (and they were married). I love both my parents but my mom was all about the child support and sadly a lot of woman think that way. The father should have just as much right to the child as the mother. Yes, its her body, but without him their would be no child.

Second, I completely that there are NO accidental pregnancies with just one slight change in what you said. If pregnancy occurs, BOTH wanted this. Like you said, it takes two to make a baby and BOTH sides know the chances of getting pregnant without using contraceptive.

Third, I agree that unwed parents are popping up everywhere and it has drastically influenced our current society, however, I don't agree that it is the sole reason we have all these issues. There are so many other factors that don't even go near family life. I agree family influence is the biggest, but independence leads away from that, causing all new chaos.

And finally, that is ridiculous what your son's mother put you through but in the end you have him with you. You seem like a very intelligent man and the perfect influence for you son. You shouldn't dwell on the circumstances of how you got him and focus more on the fact that you do have him. Please don't be that parent that constantly reminds your child how the other parent has messed up or what a bad person he/she is. Your son will only resent you for that and its not healthy. I had to hear that from both sides my entire life and still do, all it does is irritate me and make me not want to be around either of them.

'm twenty, married, a new mommy of three of the beautiful babies, and not a day goes by that I don't thank my hubby for being the best support I could ever have in life. The triplets are OURS not MINE or HIS, whether we are together at the end of the day or not and as long as we are BOTH in the picture our children will always know that.

Answer 10

I am a woman and I completely agree with you. I get revolted when I see what some women do. It's more of a game than anything else. I miss the old morals where having kids meant that you settled down with someone you love and you raise a family together. My husband and I strive to do this everyday. And it's hard because there are so many people passing judgements on you. Like if I CHOOSE to be a stay at home mom, I am holding myself back from something bigger. But really, I have chose to take care of the biggest thing of all. I know, especially out where I am, the welfare is crazy. There are abusers everywhere. And not to say that people who GENUINELY need it are bad, I have no problem with that. But laziness is not a reason to go on welfare. I am so there with you!! I am disgusted at how people have passed pregnancy and babies off as such a disposable thing now. It's absolutley disgusting. It seems abortions are used as birth control now, and 15 year olds are getting pregnant more and more. If things could go back to the way they were, we wouldn't be having any of these issues. We live in such a lazy society and world that no one wants to put the effort in to raise a child right anymore. And to all of those couples out there who have fought and are doing it right, high five to you!! Children deserve better. Anyways, thats all I got now. Peace.