Why is she so inconsiderate???

Question

I don't even know where to begin on this one, I'm so pissed off. So I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I tell my "best" friend about it--or at least I start to before she cuts me off to ask someone about hair-do's and launches off into another story about herself and her bad haircut. I had to force my way into the conversation to finish telling her about it. We start walking home and she talks about some problems in her own relationship. Fine.

But then she starts up with the nick-names she has for her boyfriend and "oh the good times we have together" and whatever else--I mean WTF why in God's name would I want to hear about her calling this guy (who has the same name as my new ex) "big s**y"? I mean it's just common sense here! Then she invites me into her house where we talk for a bit and then she gets on the phone for half the time (with her bf/a mutual friend)! I just left.

What should I do? I don't want to cut her off (friends for a decade), but I obviously can't confide in her. And since this I just completely lost interest and I don't even want to be around her anymore.

Answer 1

Sadly-

Your friend is NOT a very good listener,

(or friend)

and is being completely selfish

by putting herself first-

esp when you really needed

someone  to confide in.

Unfortunately, selfishness

and self-centeredness seems to be

a growing trend among many people

over the past several years.

My observations have shown me

that people cutting off other

people in mid-sentence  without

allowing them to finish, so that

they can start talking about themselves-

seems to have become quite commonplace

as well.

Your sense of frustration and annoyance

are completely understandable,

as is your desire not to want to associate

with this 'friend' any further.

The lesson to be learned here,

is to remember how you were treated,

so that you don't end up doing to

someone else what your friend did to you.

Answer 2

a lot of times we think we know someone but don't really.  we find out just what kind of friend they are when we need them for something  in your case just a listening ear would be fine  she seems very self centered  she can still be a friend but now you know where shes coming from and you cant count on her when your down  

Answer 3

totally agree with bookshop_lady.

+ some more comments:

if the talking with her is really not working, U should think a little bit why are U best friends for a decade. maybe right now, she doesn't understand how U feel, having her lovelife ok, and she'll realise that probably later.

or maybe she saw that your boyfriend is not the right guy for U and she is happy for you.

or she was changing the subject to protect U and make U forget?

think about all the cicumstances and u'll see why...

if none of these R your case, than maybe U should have a deep talk with her and reconsider the "best"...

anyway about the new ex, there is nothing to talk about him, it won't help U, set yourself free!  

Answer 4

Maybe you've been b*tching and complaining about this boyfriend for so long, she's tired of hearing it.  I have a friend who complained about her boyfriend non-stop for the last 3 months they dated, and then she proceeded to complain about him every time she and I talked for the next 2 years.  Didn't matter how many times I changed the subject or hung up the phone - it never sunk in that her friends already knew she was miserable, he was a rotten boyfriend, and she wasn't getting over it.  We didn't need to hear it every time she opened her mouth.

But that's obviously not what you want to hear.

Of course you can confide in her.  But next time, ask her first.  Say something like, "Listen, you know that I just broke up with Xxxxx.  Could we talk about that for a while?  I need to vent and I want to hear your insights, too."  Then she has the option of saying that no, she doesn't want to talk about this guy any longer or that sure, she hadn't realized you were still hurting and needed her shoulder.

By asking first, you've given her the opportunity to opt out of the conversation.  You've also given her a chance to save face if she's intentionally been ducking talking to you about the break-up.

If you ask and she says yes, and then she dominates the conversation with chat about her bf or keeps changing the subject, then drop it.  You're not going to be able to discuss this breakup with her, and it's time to stop trying.  She may have her own reasons why talking about a breakup is difficult for her.  There's no rule that says every friend has to be available to discuss every topic, even the ones that cause them pain or discomfort.

Give her the benefit of the doubt and try one more time.  Don't cut off the friendship, but do understand you may want to redefine what you're willing to put into the friendship as compared to what you're getting out of the friendship.

Answer 5

get a new friend

Answer 6

Your friend is quite inconsiderate and very self centered.  You should have stopped her long before her "parade and tirade" about herself continued.  You said she is a friend of "decades" but if she continues to treat you like she did she would start heading to the bottom of my friend list.  BUT...before you shelf her you need to have a heart to heart with her and explain to her how selfish she was and EXACTLY how much she hurt you when she wouldn't listen to you and she kept cutting you off.  If you don't address this issue now it will continue and it probably will even get worse.  You just became her human doormat and it has to stop or she is going to walk all over you all the time.  Pull up your bootstraps and sit her down and tell her the truth.  If she truly is your friend she will listen and apologize, if she doesn't then I think you know that she truly isn't your friend.  Good luck!!  Always remember that Karma is a very powerful force and what goes around always comes around.  I'm sorry about your breakup, I wish you the best.  

Peace & Love  :)