Why is the night so rude?....a poem, care to comment?

Question

Another from the Jellz vault of verse.

Why is the night so rude?

By Jellz Fisher circa 1995 (editted 16 July 2008)

Why is the night so rude?

Take a look for yourself.

It’s staring down right now.

Observing us from its high

and mighty platform,

forcing the moon to act as

look out for the stars.

While they twinkle

like schoolgirls,

gossiping to each other.

Innocently clouds pass over,

as a decoy to shield

embarrassment or amusement

There they go again!

Like insomniacs waiting

for the late, late show to come on.

Or cloaked voyeurs,

sitting in a darkened room.

Watching a black-market movie.

They wear the darkness like a uniform of

tinted glasses and a trench coat

A few even loiter till dawn,

then disappear into the light,

all the while mocking the day.

How rude!

Someone should really speak to God about that.

Answer 1

Hi Jellz. Have you looked at poetsofmars.com? You deserve a shot at being in the next collection.

Answer 2

I definitely like it, but I don't care to comment.

Answer 3

I don't know that the night is rude, But I do like your poem,

Kudos.

Answer 4

very good

Answer 5

"Hi",

I loved it, very creative. I'm a lover of night life. constant star gazer, awaiting a space flight to Saturn.

Short and creative.

WELL DONE!

Cheers : )

Answer 6

I like the poem . . .not my concept of "rude" tho ..  .

Answer 7

I love this!  I'm not sure that you need the last two lines.

When I read it out loud it seemed complete without them.

My opinion only, feel free to put in the circular file!

Answer 8

Edit this until no powerless words remain. Keep the last two lines. Check your capitalization. Excellent poem.

Answer 9

What an interesting and readable poem! Loved it, but disagree about the suggested changes. Leave off the last line, but keep the penultimate "How rude!" as it not only rounds off the whole poem, but emphasises "while mocking the day"  Just a thought.Thank you.