Why is there a stereotype that all women want children someday?

Question

Seriously, it's stupid. Many women can't stand kids. Like me. For many reasons, one being that they cost way too much, it's massively traumatic to give birth, and kids often smell bad. Does it go hand in hand with the stereotype that all women are emotional and stupid? What's up with this??

Answer 1

Well, i dont' believe all women want to be mothers. Some are maternal and some are not.

But out of your reasons why you don't want any that i agree with is the cost. Yes they are expensive.

But birth ISN"T massively traumatic. I have yet to meet a women who is scarred for life emotionally cause they gave birth. Giving birth is a beautiful and wonderful thing. But unless you go through it, you don't know.

Kids smell bad??? My child does NOT stink, i don't know what kids you are talking about. But that is just wrong.

Wanting a child is not stupid. Children isn't for everyone. It just is natural for some to think that females want children.  If you don't, then you don't, nothing wrong with that.

Answer 2

lmao some one is on a rant...

no not all women want kids..but many do..and what if your mother felt the same way... that all kids..smell bad.. well mb if the mothers cleaned there children they wouldnt smell.. just my 2cent and opinion

Answer 3

Not all people feel that all women want to be mothers.  Some people are thrilled with the idea of becoming a mother and others detest the idea.  To me, this sounded more like a rant than a question.  You can feel free to not want to have kids, but is is impolite to say negative things about them.  You just classified yourself in the women are emotional stereotype...did you not?

Answer 4

The steriotype that all women want children came from back before women had many rights. Back then the husband basically owned the woman so he could do whatever he wanted with her. She didn't complain because she had no right to back then so the steriotype began to start.

Answer 5

For me i never actually thought about whether or not i wanted kids and then it happened. times 3. i love my kids very much but if i could go back and do things differently i would have pursued other things in life. I guess some people aren't gonna like my answer but  hey I'm being honest. Say I am selfish or whatever but I would rather have done things different and probably not had kids.

Answer 6

I didn't want kids, either, but not because I don't like kids, or because they smell bad, or it's traumatic to give birth.

First, I was determined to get an education, a college degree. In my adult life it was legal to deny women admission to colleges & college programs, depending on how many spots were left after the men who wanted in were enrolled, and it took me 22 years to finish my degree. I was persistent and there were only 5 semesters in those 22 years when I wasn't enrolled in at least one class. I supported myself the whole time, working alternately as a summer office clerk, inspector in a factory at night, waiting tables, cleaning houses. By the time I finished my degree, I had $25,000 in school loan debt, and I was in my early 40s, oh and unmarried. I could have been married, a couple of times, but I didn't want to stop school to do that. I was the first person in my entire extended family to go beyond high school, and I did get my degree, with honors.

Also, I'm not great with stress. I know my limitations. I would not have handled the stress of raising kids, esp. at a young age, and esp. since I needed to work after having gone to college with money to pay back. It was the right choice for ME. I've learned to handle stress pretty well over the years, and I can give good advice on it now that I'm older, but my advice is to limit it, and you can't really do that raising kids. I don't enjoy it, it wears me down, makes me want to withdraw even more than normal. I still have enough stress in my late 50s w/o grown kids, and I don't know how women do all they do with kids--I work full time and then some, with overtime, I have a husband, a house, pets to take care of, elderly parents, siblings, their kids & grandkids, plus my husbands elderly parents, sibs, their kids & grandkids, and extended family & friends. It's a lot keeping up with all of that. Basically, I understand my own limits, and I kept within them by not having kids. A lot of women do it anyway, because of social pressure, and I guess they're the ones who quietly tell me "you did the right thing". They frequently sound less-than-thrilled with their choices, and I just reaply "oh, your kids are GREAT! It was the right thing for ME".

So I get my "kid" on with nieces & nephew and grand nieces & nephews, plus I have a couple of stray young women, who were left in the lurch by their own parents, whom I've know for more than decade of their young lives, who consider me "mom" and whom I consider "the daughters I never had". We play extremely important roles in each other's lives. I'm also able to jump in and be supportive when a divorced friend has surgery and needs someone to stay with her while she recovers at home, and things like that.

After all that's done, I get my quiet time. Kids would not have allowed me much quiet time, as I do firmly believe that once you have them, their needs are paramount.

I had a great role model for all of this, I suppose. My grandmother, who died about 4.5 years ago, was my father's stepmom. She married my grandfather when my dad was 19, so she was the only g'ma I ever knew. She worked her whole life as a secretary, retired at 65, and had a happy, active retirement till she died at 95. My g'pa died shortly after she retired, and at 71 she got engaged and remarried. I have her solitaire diamond engagement ring, which her "suitor" gave her on one knee, along with her simple wedding band, which I wear with my own. She was a constant and positive and loving figure in my life, and I asked her when I was in my 30s if I would regret not having kids, if I never had any (she never "had" any), and she said if it's not what you want, then it becomes less important as you get older, and she said that you don't need to "have" kids of your own to be part of a supportive family.

Word.

Do your own thang, boo--and remember that if you never change your mind about kids, you can still create "family" in any way that works for you.

Answer 7

Yeah its stupid.. I have NEVER wanted kids, even as a child I was bought baby dolls but they collected dust.. I never played with dolls as a kid, I never role played being a mother as a child either. I never found interest in babies, when I was 14 I hated kids that bad (I don't hate them now, I just dont want any kids), my mother used to point out newborn babies in the supermarket and I would turn my back to the baby and say to her "I don't care, I don't want kids" and sometimes the mother of the newborn heard me and smiled at me saying some c**p about how I'll change and I used to get so furious and tell them how wrong they are. Even now it makes me feel sick to the stomach and depressed to think about babies and kids, I don't know why because in general I had a great upbringing, great parents that provided for me, etc.

I wonder what I'm going to do when my friends start popping kids out cos my closest friends are mid 20s to 30s. I worry it will change everything because I don't wanna put up with the baby screaming and crying. I also think if I had a baby it would wreck my relationship with my BF, and my bf is great around babies, he used to raise his siblings and he is really good with babies and children, and even though it was his sibling he was caring for, making bottles at just the right temperature and feeding and nappy/diaper changing, and then entertaining the baby, I was feeling so left out, then I felt really sick, and I wanted to leave and go to my baby free home.. I just thought to myself "thats gonna be him hes going to play with the baby all day and wheres our time together gonna go? Look at him laughing and happy, makes me feel sick, I don't want kids because thats what hes gonna do, and I'm gonna be left alone to wash up and do house work while him and that baby play.. No thanks, thats another reason to dislike kids"... I don't have a heart of stone, I am actually a nice person, I just always felt sick when babies were mentioned. And I've told my bf already I'm not having kids ever so he knows.

Answer 8

In our collective past, Women often had no other choice than to have children (many times against their will and wishes).  It was unusual for someone to Not have children and people without children were asked why they didn't have them.  Infertility used to be something people refused to admit to because it was stigmatized in the society.  Before birth control, many Women had children out of an obligation because they became pregnant when there was no way to prevent it and abortions were illegal and very risky.  

The stereotype from this time period remains because for the most part, most people will have a child at some point in time even if they shouldn't.  Having children is the default, the norm.  Therefore those who choose not to often find themselves outside of the norm.  It's not a bad place to be other than dealing with people who don't understand your choice.  

Peace,

Jenn