Why is there so much red tape about adoption?

Question

I am adopting through the foster care system because I see the need. Or at least I would like to but I feel I may not be able to because of my employer. I am scheduled for a home study within the next two weeks but I wanted to get all my ducks in a row before starting. So I contacted HR and asked them about taking time off because I would be adopting and infant (and even if I was adopting an older child I would still want that time off to bond with the child). Anyway I was told that under FMLA laws I could get up to 12 weeks of unpaid time off. If I wanted to be paid I would have to use all of my sick and vacation time. The company will only pay you if you actually gave birth to the child. Then I go to ask my supervisor if I would be permitted to have 1 month off, I only asked for 4 weeks not the full 12, and if I would still have a position afterwards. My supervisor basically said no that they can not permit someone to take off an entire month. Right now I am very upset.

Answer 1

I agree with Gaia completely. It is not about recovery time. It is about bonding time. A child coming to a family via adoption needs to attach and feel safe and secure with their new family in their new home. I think this is particularly important for a child that has come through the foster care system.

It is when I read what American adoptive parents go through, that I am VERY grateful to be Canadian. We get parental leave (10 months), paid, with full job security. We enjoy the same benefits as parents who give birth, with the only exception being the extra 2 months that they get that is designated as recovery time, though we do have the option of taking the extra 2 months, unpaid, but with job security.

My perosnal opinion, ALL children deserve that crucial time to bond with their new parents whether they be by birth or adoption.

Answer 2

I would file a formal discrimination complaint against your job with the carreer board in your area and make sure your employer knows it.. I would also find out if you are an "At-Will" emplyee. If you are, they can fire you without reason. If not, they are going to have som issues. If you still can't find a way, you can take "Family Leave" if you can get a Dr. to say that you will need to be home to take care of this family member for this amount of time. By law, for a majority of companies at least, medical or family leave must come with job protection.

I commend you for adopting through the foster care system. Please read up about the different problems adoptees face growing up and maybe talk to some of the ones here. Get as much background information as you can, especially the medical and genetic history of the child. I don't know the circumstances surrounding the adoption, but please let the first parents be a part of this child's life if they are willing, able, and not a risk of harm to the chilld. I hope everything works out well for you.

ETA: To the people who say prenancy leave is for medical reasons, idk what state you live in, but in CA there is something called mother-baby bonding leave which is used as an extention of pregnancy leave to all bonding between the new baby and the mother. Do they not have that in other states?

Answer 3

Newsflash:

Adopting is NOT a disability.  Pregnancy is a biological, PHYSICAL, hormonal event.  The end product (an infant)depends on his/her mother for FOOD, hrs. a day with little sleep.

While I commend you for adopting from foster care--you really cannot expect to have the laws meant to protect people who go through childbirth (and sometimes surgery)  protect you.

Answer 4

If you read closely what FMLA is for, you will understand why you are being denied.    Companies do not pay mothers using FMLA nor maternity leave.  Its not for bonding its for recovery after childbirth. I think women that give birth need more time than 4-6 weeks for natural delivery and 8 weeks for c-sections. Can you imagine the damage giving birth does to a woman's body and chemistry.

Most "states" require that maternity programs are set up in industries that could put a pregnancy at risk. That's the only time mothers get paid but they are still working.

Welcome to the world of motherhood now you know the obstacles they face everyday by people that don't care or have compassion. Its sucks doesn't it.

Answer 5

"The company will only pay you if you actually gave birth to the child."

ok.so...

how much bleeding, abdominal surgery pain and pelvic floor recovery time do you need as a result of your adoption process???

hence, why you don't qualify for any maternity-related leave. FMLA...maybe. but it will most likely be under a different clause than childbirth.

but...i do commend you for adopting through foster care.

Answer 6

I'm sorry your job isn't being supportive. I JUST finalized the adoption of my nephew and let me tell you, there is a LOT of red tape. I wish I could tell you differently. You are right about the laws, the only problem is, if they don't hold your position, your looking at court and lawyers, you may end up with more time than the 12 weeks you are supposed to get. Home studies are pretty easy, but the whole process is long. Don't get your hopes up that it's going to be quick after the home study. I already had custody of the child and it was over a year AFTER the home study before the adoption was finalized. Just FYI, they go into every room of your house at the home study (I wasn't warned and had clean clothes on my bed, my son's room was a wasteland, I was so embarrassed, although not judged by it, after all, I work full time and have three kids, who was time for the perfect house??). And about your company only paying you if you gave birth to the child, that sounds like a bunch of c**p, isn't that discrimination? I have given birth, it only takes about two weeks to recover from a vaginal birth, the extra time off is to recover from the sleepless nights, and to bond. Your going to need to bond, as well as recover from the sleepless nights you are about to have! Besides, in my state, you can't leave a baby at daycare under the age of 4 weeks, although most places won't take them under 6 weeks old. Do some research in your state, talk to your adoption lawyer, if you don't have one yet, your going to need one anyone, find one who specializes in state adoptions (best advice I can give anyone, it sped up my adoption by MONTHS!) and ask about the FMLA laws as well as your company's refusal to pay you for the time off because you didn't give birth....

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 7

I understand your question and though I am not going through the adoption process I can understand that you would want to take time to bond with your new child. I am not sure why your supervisor would say that you can not take time off. If I were you I would just keep holding on to all of my vacation and sick time. I mean if you get sick still show up, keep all your time so that when your new bundle of joy comes home just take a sick vacation. Or if you know in advance when they are coming put in your request for time off early and take like two weeks off at a time, if you have that much time. Good luck and don't let these rude people on here discourage you. You simply just want to know why you received such a rude and unexpected response from your sup. and maybe your sup is just that type of person.

Answer 8

For starters.... red tape is about abortion NOT adoption.

Answer 9

I understand that you're upset. You'll just have to take advantage of the FMLA and use up the vacation and sick time to make it work. That's all you have, but at least you have that.

Medical leaves are for those who have a medical condition-like giving birth.

The red-tape is a good thing...to ensure that the entire process is legal and ethical. I'd be scared if there was no red-tape.

Answer 10

Well, I'm going to take the unpopular route and say that adoptive parents are (legally) entitled to the same FMLA as parents who have given birth - unless that varies by state.  [ETA:  If your boss said you can't take a month off after adopting, then he DID deny you FMLA, unless I misread, or if he misunderstood what you were asking for.  And most jobs do allow for "leaves of absence" where you can come back, even if it's not for family or medical reasons.]  It is NOT legally required for them to pay you, nor is it legally required for them to pay a woman who has given birth.  Either way, you do have to use your sick and vacation time.  My husband is actually planning to take the vast majority of his sick and vacation time for the first three months after we adopt (he has been at his job for nearly 8 years and has reached his cap of both sick and vacation time, so it will all be paid...it wouldn't be if I were to take the time off).  When he goes back to work, I will be decreasing my hours from about 25 to about 10 per week, because we won't use babysitters (I was physically and sexually abused by child care providers, and I'm not going to put my child through that...but I digress).  In Oregon, adopting couples are allowed the same rights to FMLA as those who's families are created the natural way.

I don't dispute the fact that women who give birth NEED this time off work, though.  But, to my mind, a family created via adoption should have the same amount of time, NOT due to physical recovery, but for the emotional recovery of the child.  After a child has lost everything s/he knows and loves, s/he needs that time to feel secure in his/her surroundings with these strange people in a strange house, and s/he needs to know that these new people are here to stay.  It doesn't help if they adopt and the next day drop them off at day care.  Babies have an amazing ability to know exactly who their parents are.  Not so when the child is adopted and being shuffled around from day one to caregivers.  (Of course, I don't think adopted kids should have regular babysitters in the first place - I believe one parent should stay home, not for THEIR bonding, but for the child's security.)  

So yes, FMLA is absolutely used for different purposes for birth and adoption, but employers are legally required to give the same time for families in both situations...at least in Oregon.  Check your state's laws on this before talking to your boss again, but they shouldn't be able to fire you for taking time off for adoption.