Why is there such a misunderstanding and hostility toward emotions here? ?

Question

I would consider myself a very emotional person, but that does not mean I do not have control of my emotions, and that I cry at a drop of a hat. It seems that so many people here find the adjective "emotional" to be a pejorative. Many people also seem to think that "emotional" is synonymous with unhappiness and crying.

Being emotional simply means you are astute of your emotions, and you are willing to engage them. For example I learned today that a local no kill animal shelter is in danger of closing it's doors if it does not raise $35K. I feel very passionate about this issue, so during my lunch break at work I composed a letter to all of our local news stations to give the matter more press in order to raise donations from the public. I would consider this a prime example of being influenced by your emotions. It is often the unemotional people who are unaware of their own emotions, and therefore have a difficult time controlling them.

So my question is basically this: why is there such a misunderstanding about what being emotional means, and why is there such a hostility toward it?

Answer 1

Very good question and you phrased your reasoning very well.  

I have emotions but I know how to control them.    

Answer 2

I agree that there is a general connotation with emotion as weakness, not just in this forum but in society more generally.

Emotion, as a bodily function, has an entire portion of the brain dedicated to it (the limbic system, or emotional brain). This is specific to mammals, and there is a lot of research that supports the idea that emotions have an evolutionary role, ranging from the fright-or-flight response to more complex emotions such as anger, fear and love, which all serve survival or reproductive functions.

Emotion is also very closely tied to intuition, or emotional intelligence, which is often discounted by the current dominant culture of positivism based on evidence as empirical knowledge. Most people in our culture think of this as the epitome of knowledge but this is a largely cultural belief, as many current and previous cultures have/had other ways of attaining knowledge and enlightenment in which emotion plays a central role.

Now, while the definition of emotional is somewhat subjective, it is generally held that emotional is what pertains to emotion, or the interaction between feeling, thought and behavior. It is at the core of how we behave as human beings.

Emotion is often thought of as the opposite of rationality, mainly thanks to the popularization of Freudian psychology, and is often associated with the feminine, while being emotional is considered being weak and a slave to one's emotions.

Jungian currents of psychology, as well as many evolutionary theories and also a great number of cultures think very highly of emotion as central to development of the self.

In Buddhism, for example, one should strive not to control their emotions, but to accept them and detach oneself from their power over us.

Now this does not mean that one should not be emotional. Emotion is an integral part of rationality, and as an interaction between feeling, thought and behaviour, one should strive not to forget their emotions but to strike a balance between feeling, thought and behaviour.

Like you, I am a very emotional person. This does not mean that I cry whenever someone hurts my feelings or that I am known for fits of anger. What it means is that I allow myself to feel my emotions, I let them inhabit my body and I reflect upon what I am feeling, where these feelings come from and how they are affecting me, as well as what I can do to either express them or resolve them. I allow both emotion and thought to govern my behaviour.

Though I consider myself emotional, I don't consider that I am a slave to my emotions or that I serve my emotions. I feel that my emotions are an important part of my being, just as my mind, my body and my spirit, and I allow each of these elements their space.

In my view, they key is not to control your emotions, but to seek balance within and outside yourself.

Answer 3

I answered a question like this earlier and relized my answer came out harsh. I have no problem with emotions, only those who use them as a excuse to control others. Those people who think because they are in a bad mood everyone else should be.

I'll admit I'm repressed, growing up in a midwest factory town on the wrong side of the tracks we were taught to bury any unmanly feelings way way down inside and let them ferminate intill in a fit of Yukon Jack induced rage you get into a bar fight.

Answer 4

Better question would be of why do you believe that you perception of the word supercedes everyone elses?

Words have an array of meanings. It doesn't mean  that yours is wrong or anothers is wrong.

It is mostly about context considering language, in itself, is a social construction.

Emotions are generally consider the ineffable or ostensive definitions, which means that there are no accurate denotations or definitions of the specific words. It's about perceptions... e.g. What is it to be red? How would you define red? It's inherent value is a certain wavelength, but how we perceive red or the mind-dependent variable of red can not be defined. It must be shown. Same with emotions.

(Some philosophers believe that there are no emotions, but simple reactions... that we are void of sentience or a soul. Ever reaction we have is a social construction much like a computer... that we are born with a clean slate--the concept of Social Construction)

Edit: Not hypocritical because I haven't seen anyone impose their concept on you. You just made that up. You're the specific one who is telling everyone else they're wrong about what the word means. Don't use Red Herrings on me.

Secondly, the words emotion and emotional are different words....

Thirdly, there are no scientific definitions. Scientific concepts are based on empiricism or what we can can subjectively agree to on a large scale with a certain amount of confidence(intersubjective verifiability).

Emotions are purely theoretical which makes it entirely philosophical.

For someone to agree with what you're saying, is not necessarily wrong, but they are agreeing with you only subjectively is my point.

Answer 5

I think food 4 thought's post sums up the biology and psychology of aspects of emotions very well.  I myself am emotional and enjoy the finer arts of civilization which play on our emotions.  Much of the hostility towards the emotional mindset stems from society's belief that scientific logic and rationality are the foundation of all sound decisions.  While I agree that science has its benefits, I also agree that engaging one's emotions is an essential skill.  Much of the stress and mental health issues we face today could be avoided if people were raised with a greater awareness of their own feelings and a willingness to heed them when making life choices.

Answer 6

There's no "misunderstanding" here. Just because YOU disagree with how others feel about emotions, that doesn't make you correct. You just made up your own definition of "emotional". What makes yours more valid than mine? Nothing.

Emotions are like almost everything else in life. Useful in moderation, disastrous and harmful in excess.

Answer 7

A: I feel that people associate showing emotion with being feminine, and in this society (or h**l, nearly every society), feminine=weak and wrong.

B: I don't like the dictionary definition of "emotional" because it's not accurate at all.  For example, people have said that I'm not "emotional" because I don't cry often.  Okay, but I laugh, get sad, get mad, get embarrassed, etc. and aren't those emotions as well?  Why is it that crying is the only sign that you have emotions?  It's unfair.

Answer 8

Yes, you're right. Having emotion and not being able to control emotion are two completely different things. As are showing emotion and not being able to control emotion.

Answer 9

We are not bashing emotions. Some of the female members here seem not to understand the difference between emotions which we all have and being emotional.

I was told as a child to suck it up and be a man when I was hurt that is true. And I am thankful that I was told that because now when the going gets tough I don't fell the need to break down and cry or throw a fit before I do what I have to do to fix the situation.

The hostility comes from the feminist hypocracy in telling men to be emotional while saying it is wrong to tell someone not to be.

Men teach our sons this because it is necassary for at least some people to not be incapacitated by their emtions.

An example would be when my daughter died. I was expected by WOMEN to be strong for my wife because of how bad her grief was.

All the while my own grief was ignored and shunted aside by WOMEN

So before you go blaming men when WOMEN are even more guilty of stifling men's emotions.

Answer 10

I agree with both Kendrick and Wendy G.

Being emotional is usually associated with being irrational, whimsical, childishness, selfishness, volatile and easily swayed. In a sense it means "lacking control" both of yourself and your environment.

No one is capable of being completely rational, we are all controlled and directed by our emotions hidden or apparent.

The hostility towards it is because its seen as the polar opposite of being rational, reasonable and OBJECTIVE.

So in a sense emotion is seen as the antithesis of reason\rationality hence lacking in logic.

Answer 11

Emotions are only a deficit depending on where you display them. When amongst friends and family, you are safe. If you ever display your emotions at work, you are putting yourself at risk for being seen as an "out of control emotional person." In the the business world, emotions interfere with a person's judgment. Otherwise, it is perfectly normal & healthy to show your emotions.  

Answer 12

I think people on here just don't want to deal with someone that might cause DISTRESS to them or they just want an excuse to call someone "weak" because they want to feel strong and stable.

I agree with you that being in touch with your emotions is a great thing! Don't change yourself, because people like you have the ability to empathize with others and you may even help someone cold open up about their emotions.

You seem confident in being emotional, so keep doing what you're doing. Just reading your post tells me you have a good heart..Don't listen to what others say on here.

Answer 13

What counts as emotion?  Is killing someone 'emotional'?  Is punching a wall?  When a man puts his shirt over his head and runs round like an airoplane because his team scored, is that an 'emotion'?  I think men show emotion all the time.  I'm not sure what the big deal is with control, etc.  I think some people equate emotion with crying, and forget amusement, frustration and wanting to kill someone who cuts you up in the fast lane are also emotions too, whether you choose to show them or not  :-)

Answer 14

Some think that any show of emotion means that you have lost control. "Control," to them, is equated with having NO emotion.

I think you can show your emotion and still be in complete control.

Answer 15

It seems that the confusion is more about the handling of emotions. We all  have them, but handle them differently. I think control of our emotions is valid, for instance at work. If someone ticks you off, you can't go on a screaming fit, without looking like a loon. Even in our personal life, do we come across as rational or melodramatic?

I agree about being astute about our emotions, and whether or not we engage them. There's an old saying about choosing your battles.Btw, good example about the no kill shelter.You feel for the poor animals that can't find a loving home. Obviously your emotions motivated you to get creative and raise donations. This act of kindness was motivated by the positive emotion of emphathy.