Why is this okay in the world of adoption?

Question

Why is it considered okay for a pregnant woman to come to Y!A to ask if anyone wants to adopt her unborn child, but it is not considered okay for a PAP to look for a child on Y!A?

Neither are legal or fall within Y!A Community Guidelines, but one always seems to receive much more criticism than the other. Why?

Answer 1

I think one is a scared woman who may not know better, and one is a deserpate PAP who does not know better.  It is scarier for someone soliciting a child because who knows who that person is and their intent with the child.

Both shoudl be bumped off; however, someone should maybe open up to the pregnant woman and steer her in a direction where she can openly discuss her options and her legal options at that.

Answer 2

Neither are technically legally okay within the TOS, but I believe you when you say one is criticized much more than the other..

but I still think alot of people have misunderstandings about adoption, so I dare say we should go a bit easy on either of these.. they probably don't understand how "aweful" or "bad" thieir post will sound to other people who really "know" adoption..

Can't they just be told nicely that this isn't the place or the way to go about finding a home for their child, or a child to adopt?? Can't we just nicely tell them that, then steer them in the right direction?? ("Find a reputable agency..." etc, etc)

True, we could also explain why it's dangerous to do what they're doing (risk of being conned)

This all applies to either situation (PAP or PFM)

Really, would being nice about it, rather than jumping all over them, really hurt anything?? Really, there's so much nastiness on this forum allready....

I'm not trying to imply that you are nasty to anyone,  BPD Wife.. I'm just saying, as a forum...

Answer 3

Personally, I think both situations are equally inappropriate.  When adoption takes place, it should be through the proper venue.....a licensed adoption agency that will provide homestudy, counseling, etc.

Answer 4

imo, the girl doesn't usually "get it" that they shouldn't be doing that.

i imagine they come here out of desperation.

i don't agree with either a pregnant woman doing this, or a pap looking for a baby.

Answer 5

I don’t think either is ok PAP should not be searching for a pregnant woman on forum boards. A pregnant woman should not be searching for PAP on forum boards. It’s just not a good idea for the safety of both PAP and expecting mothers.  This is an easy way for someone to be ripped off in some way.(And it happens) Red tape may be a hassle but its there for a reason.

Answer 6

it's not ok... and when i see it i report.  

mostly i believe these are young women who don't know how to access services to assist them, or people who are up to no good.

quite honestly (and a question i'm going to post) why would ANYONE want to adopt a child that someone advertised? i've often learned that if something looks too good to be true, it usually is.  

and people wonder why they get scammed.

good question.

Answer 7

It is NOT OKAY!!! I reported her!

I will add though that I think that a scared young pregnant woman is in a different situation than a responsible, secure couple who is looking to adopt a baby.

Answer 8

I don't like both. I caution both parties that this is not the place to do that kinda of thing, because it can open people up to fraud, or much worse. So, i guess i am crtical of both.

Answer 9

While many folks may not like it - advertising that you want to adopt over the internet is not illegal.   Y'A might have guidelines against it but it is absolutely not illegal.  There are hundreds of sites that PAP's pay for each month in order to list their profile in the hopes that a PBM will find them.

In most states advertising in newspapers is also legal - its how our son's birthparents found it.  I know folks think its strange - but its not illegal.

Answer 10

I agree!  And I write both, reminding them of the inappropriateness and danger.  Thanks  for pointing this out!

Answer 11

It isn't OK at all!  I report in both cases.

Answer 12

I can't imagine either person coming to the Internet to discuss something as serious as the future of a child.  Do they not realize that anyone can pretend to be anybody on the Internet?  I tell my teenage daughter all the time--just because he e-mailed you a photo of a hot 15-year-old doesn't mean he's not old, fat, and bald.

Answer 13

I don't know. Maybe becuase she wants to give birht to the child but doesn't want it. That would make sense to me. But I don't like people giving their children away anyway.

Answer 14

It isn't.  The problem is that certain people here in Yahoo are on a mission to attack ALL a-parents for their misery.  I see the comments made to and about you and the others, and it's extremely unfair.  If I attacked all B-parents because of my hatred towards my own, I would be ripped apart.  There is definitely a double standard in this category.  

Just keep reporting!

Answer 15

I don't think it is okay.

One is offering to surrender their child online

the other is offering to buy it.

Not to mention the parade of people who follow them around and encourage it. Agencies, society in general, NCFA, and even the average joes.

Its all over the place, on both sides. I totally took more offense to the AP and not the mother for some reason...i don't know why, but I did.

I can't get into the state of mind where I would ever do something like either of those posts so its hard for me to identify why I am bothered more by one and not the other. After this much thought into it, I think from now on both will "irk" me on the same level.

ETA: The glare on your avatar is priceless

Answer 16

As far as I know, it's not OK to do either.  It's certainly not safe or smart or ethical!  I'd advise either to do otherwise.  Foruntately, by the time I see such a question, it's usually had tons of responses already, so I don't really need to say the same thing 12 other people have already said.

Answer 17

I don't think either one is a good idea.  

But if I had to hazard an answer to the question, it would be that if someone posts online looking for a family to adopt their child, that poster could (at worst) be a hoax or someone trying to play upon the desperation of people wanting to adopt.

Someone answering such a post could be a pedophile out to harm or kill a child.

So, I think it's because the worst-case scenarios for one are far worse than the other.  

Just my take on it.

ETA: Great wicked witch hat, btw.

Answer 18

It is MOST DEFINITELY NOT Okay for either

Answer 19

Neither should be okay on Y!A . Both are usually unsuspecting newbies and  I feel sorry for them sometimes.  I do think the Paps get more criticism than the pregnant women. I don't know why.

Nice hat.

Answer 20

Neither is okay, but the difference in how either case is received once heard is that there is a definite difference between an expectant mother at one of the lowest points of her life desperate for something to change and wanting to do the right thing reaching out anyway she can, versus someone who really wants a child and is otherwise having a decent life regardless of opportunity to parent.

Both situations are done out of desperation, but one is going to end in loss and the other ends in gain.

So almost always the expectant mother is going to get the softer answer from me.