Why is this okay??

Question

Solicitation to Obtain Babies for Adoption...

Frequently in the news in the United States are reports of prospective adopters who are devastated when a mother decides to keep her own son or daughter. These people have worked so hard in their attempt to obtain a healthy infant. They have read the how-to books and articles. They have hired someone to generate a "Dear Birthmother" letter for them, a slick advertisement that makes them sound flawless and would make almost any mother, especially one experiencing morning sickness and other effects of pregnancy, question her own abilities. Some prospective adopters have an agency or lawyer advertising, withholding information, making promises, denying any sort of real help and pressuring a mother until she surrenders her parental rights. Other prospective adopters approach a pregnant mother personally, making false promises of continuing contact between the child and her mother, siblings and other relatives in an attempt to obtain her child.

Answer 1

I sure hope the baby or kid never hears about this. it seems like a kid would have hurt feelings just knowing their mom thought about giving them up for adoption i wonder if the kid will wish the mom had let them be adopted.

Answer 2

What you describe is not OK. My daughter's adoption was private, her bio mom found us through an attorney, and none of what you explain in accurate in our case. There was no advertising. She walked in on her own two feet.

I was never promised anything and  I was fully aware and prepared that the bio mom could change her mind at any moment. We both had separate counseling and separate attorneys.

I never made any false promises to her. I wanted an open adoption and so did she. The entire process was all about her doing the right thing for herself.

Answer 3

Women who are solicited for their babies do not receive real counseling about their options, especially not their option to parent.  It is more like an adoption indoctrination program to induct them into the birthmother cult.  They are constantly told that they are not capable of raising their children, that others are far more deserving, and that children are better off being separated from their family of origin.

And then if she keeps her child, she is an inconsiderate, selfish crack-w***e.

I don't think it is okay.  That's why I will never play the nicey-nicey game and shut up about abuses in the US adoption system.

Answer 4

Of course this is not o.k.  Nor is it the norm.  

And perpetuating this as the standard for adoption is a diservice to all involved.

There are people who die after going to the dentist, following a local anesthetic.  So should we ban going to the dentist, or realize that there are risks in this world no matter where we go, or do our homework to be as responsible as possible?

There are women who are beaten by their husbands?  Do we then say no one shold ever get married?  No, we again take the most responsible position we can, by being very careful a bout who we have relationships with, check them out, and proceed carefully.

Let's face it -- adoption is not different from any other major even in a person's life.  And there will be dishonest, greedy, hurtful people a part of the adoption process.  Adoption workers, adoptive parents and birth parents alike.

One thing never talked about on this site is slick, calculating, scheming birthmothers who are all out for the money.  Wow, can we even say that without being reported?  There are many women out there who scam agencies, adoptive parents and birth fathers -- all for money, power and control.  Some work with five agencies at one time, taking full support away from those who really need it, never planning to place their baby for adoption, using the money to buy drugs instead, druggging their baby in utero and exposing the baby to the worst possible life .  Others use their children as pawns, shopping around to see where they will get the most money before they place, if they place.  And there are those that fake pregnancy and hop from one agency or family to the next, year after year, as a lifestyle.  Not to mention those who lie about identity of the birthfather, jeopardizing the safety and stability of the child's life, and preventing a real birthfather from access to his child.  Some of these women are as slick as they come, crying on cue, describing in detial the adoptive parents they want, bonding with the adoptive parents and agency staff, taking time and energy and funds away from real clients, sometimes disappearing with money and dreams in the middle of the night.  So do we say all birthmothers are dispicable, lieing, abusing schemers?  No!

So, yes, we should abhore any part of adoption which is not ethical and honest, and work toward change in so many areas.  But we should also support adoption that is ethical, caring and honest.

Answer 5

It's not ok at all.  The solicitation and arm-twisting and so-called 'counselling' given by the very people who have customers waiting for a baby is ludicrous and ought to be outlawed.

Unfortunately free-enterprise in the USA doesn't exclude using little babies as commodities.  I wish it did.

Adoption needs to return to being a social service for children, and not a business fuelled by demand

Answer 6

Let me ask you something....how much actual information do you have here or is this ALL opinion.  I am sure there are situations that are unethical and that are horrible.  Did you ever think however that some people attend the birth to HELP the birth mother through the process.  There are many couples who help financially with the pregnancies costs.  I am tired of people protraying all adoptive parents as these parasites that "trick" naive birth mothers into giving away their children.  Those women still have a choice, as god gave them that ability, and they made it.  Did you ever consider the fact that these women are just as guilty in these situations.  There are also deceptive birth mothers who take advantage of perspective adoptive parents praying on their desire to have children.  Do I feel for the women who have actually been pressured or lied to...sure.  I do not however believe they are as frequent as you say.

Answer 7

but the baby is NOT "their" child!!!!!!

Answer 8

I was adopted as a three-month old, and reunited with my birth parents as a 30-year-old.  My birth parents realized they couldn't marry, and my bmom felt it was unfair to me to raise me by herself (this was in the mid-60s).  So she placed me for adoption.  She knew what she was doing, she grieved the loss of her baby, and now she rejoices that she got to meet me.  My adoptive parents waited a long time to have a child, and my adoption was a joyful time for them as well.  For the majority of birth parents and adoptive parents, the whole thing turns out well (as well as it can for someone giving up a child.)  

The "solicitation" isn't someone grabbing pregnant women off the street.  Almost all US infant adoptions are "open" adoptions, and the birth mom gets to choose the adoptive family.  That is what leads to "slick" dear birthmother letters - the wait to adopt a healty infant in the US is long and the placements are competitive.  

As someone who just last summer, after two years of effort, successfully adopted a son, I can say that the adoption process is wonderful and hard for all involved!

Answer 9

I certainly don't think it is acceptable to break laws or purchase babies..... or practice unethical adoption...

However, I have no idea why It's wrong for willing parents to stand up and offer babies and children homes and families...

If someone Is NOT thinking about placing a baby for adoption then they wouldn't have these things happen to them.... If a woman isn't asking for someone to adopt her baby--then she wouldn't be reading the "Slick" birthmother letters...

I was a young pregnant woman and never read a Dear Birthmother Letter---I never saw a Slick Advertisement nor did I have Anyone tell me to consider Adoption... I was a young pregnant woman twice before I was 22 yrs old... And didn't know where an adoption agency was--or a phone number for an attorney or any thing about adoption What So Ever.....  

I didn't disappoint any PAP's because I didn't even consider looking at the idea of placing My Babies for adoption--Therefore I was not convienced by anyone to do so--nor was I forced into a situation of telling someone I might pick them for my baby---Because I didn't even consider it as an option....

Why is it Okay to Consider Adoption and then Scream that someone Made someone Else decide something?

To me---if a mother is Sure She wants to parent her baby she wouldn't even be thinking about Adoption.... If a Mother offers her baby for adoption Why is it the PAP's who are Wrong?

And....Please stop believeing a bunch of innocent girls are conned out of their babies..... There is just way too much information and too many options today.... This may have been true in the past but a pregnant woman Considering Adoption today is doing so because she is Considering Adoption....

Answer 10

it's all about the benjamins, baby!!!

that and an unexplanable sense of entitlement SOME paps have to other's kids.

ETA: once more, i'll state this... a failed placement is NOT the same a child's death.  it's cruel and illogical to make that connection. a child who dies is a reality for that mother. a failed placement is a "hope and dream" for the aparents. furthermore, a child who dies is THE MOTHER'S child.  a child who is not placed for adoption is ANOTHER MOTHER'S CHILD. although a failed placement can be disappointing (just like many other failures in life) to compare it to death is not fair to those who actually lost their babies.

big freakin' difference.

Answer 11

Still trying to "stir the pot"?

Of course it is not ok.  No one assumes that relinquishing a child for adoption is easy for the biological mom, even if it is voluntarily.  

You insinuate that "this is the way it is"--it is not   You also insinuate that adoptive parents don't consider the biological mom's pain in relinquishing--even though is it voluntarily--we do.  You insinuate that adoptive parents want to adopt the child even if the biological mom changes her mind--we do not.

Just another jab at ALL adoptive parents.

Insulting question--but you already knew that.  It was written for that purpose.

Answer 12

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$......

Not all adoptive parents are like this I am sure... but there are so many who are and the good ones letting the bad ones run around and do what they like.... it's pretty hard to tell who is for real and who should never have SOMEONE ELSE'S child.

Until the system is investigated and fixed who have no way to know. And that should scare everyone. Yes Aparents get scammed but if your going to play with fire then expect to get burned. If adoption and foster care were fixed none of this would be an issue.

Answer 13

I can understand somewhat about where you are coming from. A birth mom does have every right to change her mind. However let me answer from an adoptees and and a adoptive parents view point.  First of all, we did not get our children by doing anything illegal.  Even though I did not carry my 2 kids in my stomach, they are still my children.  What if I was pregnant with them, and had a miscarriage- it would be devastating of course. Why would it be anything less if we were expecting to adopt a precious baby, and then the birth mom changed her mind, it was be devastating as well- it we be a loss.  Birth moms experience a loss, of course, as well when they choose to place their child for adoption.  By the way, our children's birth mom's chose to place for adoption, or we would never had meant them. They were not forced to place.  Please stop making adoptive parents our to be monsters