Why isn't there a legal way that if a man does not want the child and the mom does not want to ...?

Question

Why isn't there a legal way that if a man does not want the child and the mom does not want to have an abortion that he can be obsolved of paying child support. I mean women have all these rights. If she does want to have an abortion we can't force her not to. If she wants to keep it we can't force the other way.

I know just don't have s*x right but that is just not realistic. Things happen you can be careful and use all the right stuff but it happens. Now if he says lets work through this before the baby is born then tries to get out of support after that is wrong but if the man knows before hand that he does not want the child and wants nothing to do with him or her why can't he be obsolved of support

Answer 1

because there would be men who didn't worry about birth control and went around making babies they had no intention of supporting. It is not fair to leave the woman high and dry and supporting a child by herself when she did not make it herself. All you have to do is watch the talk shows to see all sorts of guys who  claim they would love the woman forever and lets have  baby honey, until they see a piece of a$$ they like better, then  they forget what they said. All he can do is hope the woman finds someone who really loves her and wants to adopt the baby, then he can relinquish his parental rights.

Answer 2

he did the crime, now he has to do the time. whoever this man is needs to be told to get over it and get used to the fact that he is now going to be a father. step it up and take on your responsibility.

Answer 3

I think the reason men get screwed on the support is because the woman ends up getting some kind of public assistance in most cases. If she gets Medicaid then all of HER birth related expenses get charged to the father. ( OB/GYN, all tests/labs, etc. ) All of the medical bills for the baby become the responsibility of the father because his name is put on the birth certificate and the county Social Services department is notified of this.

The reason SS wants support is so that, not only does the baby need the financial support, but they want to recoup their money for the expenses they paid in connection with the pregnancy/birth.

A woman can always change her mind when it comes to having the child. The man can always change his mind about having s*x. If you think the woman will be vindictive about support...don't have s*x with her. She can always go to Family Court and request support without having anything to do with Social Services.

I think the bottom line here is ... don't have s*x even if you have a fleeting thought about not wanting a child or paying the support that goes along with it. I don't think it's fair to men how they are made responsible for everything.

Answer 4

I agree with you, it is hard for the guy in this position and it is actually the government who force the girl to give his name. ( in order to help with maintainance) Plus if your child is coming into the world you should have to pay something for its up keep and not society right? wrong....

It is the fathers request not to have the kid but the woman goes ahead, there should be a disclaimer on this so that the guy can be written out if he really wants to be but that is gonna hurt.

Missy - you have not been there  (unless ur a guy) trust us ...IT IS UNFAIR on the guy to have to put up and shut up, we are men not f*kin pets

Jen - please refer to other questions where guys go - "how can she be pregnant we used protection."

Answer 5

Have you ever heard the saying "you play-you pay"?  It takes two for a baby to be created.  For a woman it would be a very emotional thing to have an abortion.  It's her body and her emotions that she has to live with in making that decision.

Answer 6

Just because the man does not want the baby, you feel like he should not have to pay child support, if the woman refuses to get an abortion?

It seems to me that this man does not want to take responsibility for his actions, it takes two people, mistake or not, even with proper birth control, he is still obligated for the child. It is wrong for him to even try and weasel out of his financial responsibilities, because from the sound of this, he will never be there to support his child emotionally.

Be a man and MAN UP to your responsibilities

Answer 7

I'm a single mom, and I kinda agree with you.  I don't want anything to do with my daughter's father, as he is dangerous, and he wants nothing to do with me or my daughter. (sircumstances are a little touchy) he's never seen her and neither of us want to see each other, yet the state is hounding me to find him, and charge him for support. I don't understand as I'm protecting my child, and am fine without support, and he's not trying to see her either.  If there was a way to sign a father off someone's life, that would be beneficial to some families, and even safer I'd say.

In some cases, I'd say it's better to not have financial support than to have child support and a dangerous father around.  Not saying you'd be dangerous, but if the mother is fine with him not paying, I'd say leave em alone!

Answer 8

Because in the end..only women can be pregnant and only men can get them that way.

If a child comes and you want nothing to do with the mother, well that's fine.

Can't understand anyone being so heartless & inhuman as to not ever want to know, see or have anything to do with their own child... but that's just me.

You can absolutely sign completely off on all of your personal parental rights. Once you do, you will never, ever, ever, ever be allowed to have any contact at all with the child. NEVER.

But nothing will absolve you of child support.

For the same reason I stated at the beginning of this answer.

In the end..regardless of the circumstances..without YOU and YOUR SPERM there would be NO child.

Next time...be prepared to either pay-up or pull-out.

Answer 9

Sorry kiddo.  You make a lot of sense, and I agree with what you are saying in theory.

But he did have the fun of making the baby; and the responsibility is the natural next step in that process.  In truth, I believe your argument would be better suited for arguing against abortion than for allowing a man to get out of child support.

Because the woman has just as much responsibility as a man after the process of making the baby is done.  You're right, she is allowed to get out of it when men are not.  But that doesn't mean that the man should be allowed to get out of his responsibility, too.  It means we should quit allowing women to get out of theirs.

Two wrongs don't make a right, fixing the first wrong does.

Answer 10

If she does not want child support, all she has to do is not ask for it.  Every time a guy has s*x with a woman, he must realize he may end up liable for child support.  

He will not be able to get out of it - that's just the way it is.  If not having s*x is unrealistic, so is not wanting to pay child support.

Answer 11

There is.  It's called birth control.  Use it and you almost certainly won't be in that situation.

*Plus, if you're having s*x with someone, you both should discuss beforehand how you would deal with the situation.  If you know in advance she will keep the baby, you can decide whether or not to proceed with taking that chance.

*Mint Sauce--10 years of being sexually active and birth control has never failed me...or anyone I know.  If you use it right, there is only a VERY slim chance it will fail.

Answer 12

the system is very unfair to men.  my hubbys ex is a great father to his seven year old daughter, the mom is terrible and will not care for her properly.  do you think thats makes a difference to the judges around here. we can provide a stable loving home while her household is in a total uproar all the time.  she even went so far as to tell that child that she screams at her because her father left.  now figure out all these stupid laws and you have done something.

Answer 13

Anyone mature enough to have s*x should be mature enough to accept the responsibilities of helping raise their child.  Only a self serving, immature sob would try to weasel out of being part of his child's life. It took both of them to create life so both should be responsible to sustain life. If he knows he doesn't want to support children and can't keep his pants zipped, it is best he get snipped and make sure it holds cause next to absence it is the best birth control.

Answer 14

Well you are correct--there is no equal rights for the man when it comes to this.

If a man could say "keep it" or "abort" and the woman had no choice at all in it, all holy h**l would bust loose. But now the man has no choice and that's just fine? Takes two!!

I don't buy the my body stuff on this--it takes two people to make a baby, they had equal responsibility, it is equally their kid.

A case like this is being pushed to the Supreme Court now, though I do not know the details.

Basically, if there is no medical reason the woman can't carry, but she doesn't want it, the man should be able to take custody and get support--just like it is now if the man doesn't want it--mom gets it and 1/4 of his income too whether he ever sees the kid or not.

It is completely unfair and wrong, but all a man can do now is wear condoms or not have s*x, until the laws are fair.