Why must prospective aparents be in the delivery room?

Question

4littlemonkeys... (love the name, btw:-) you might not think people are concerned about the "nether regions", but tell that to the firstmom i know who was freaked out because the afather got an erection because she was exposed (genitals and b*****s) during the labor and birth. i also know of a couple who recently adopted and the afather was recently released from s*x-addition rehab. i wonder if the fmom knew that would she have been just a bit freaked out with this man getting a bird-eye view of her genitals. hate to tell you this, but until the baby comes out, it's an unrelated nude body... sorry, but i still don't see how that's appropriate.

Answer 1

Child birth is an amazing event. It is even more amazing to witness the birth of your child.

Your not thinking of the nether regions you thinking of the child

Many people like to be present during childbirth. Some people have a variety of people in the room like their partners, children, parents, grandparents, and friends.

Answer 2

As someone that is in the adoption process it is somethign I hope I will be allowed to share with my adoptive child btu with a that being said i would not do it unless the natural mom wanted me there. I would how ever like to be in the hospital at the time of the birth so that i could see the child right away. I don't have to be in the room btu i owuld love to beable share with the child all about his/her birth.  I knwo that is completely dependent on the natural parents wishes and something I would only ask if after meeting her I felt that we have made some kind of connection.

Answer 3

I can only go by what my cousin did this past February. She lived with me from 5 months pregnant up till the day she went into the hospital. She made a "Hospital Plan" with an adoption consular. She knew the adoptive mother could never have children, and that she would never get to experince watching what would end up being HER daughter born. My cousin chose to let the adoptive mother and father visit her as long as they wanted while in labor. When it came time to deliver she wanted her mother, the adoptive mother and myself in the room, and requsted that the adoptive mother cut the cord.

I know the adoptive parents would have been fine if they had to wait in the waiting room. The adoptive mom was a little taken back when she was asked to be in the room. I could picture being an adoptive mother and wanting to be in the room badly, after all you want to take part in what will be your childs birth. And if your in an open adoption and close with the birth mom you might feel a need to be in there. But in the end, the birth mother gets to pick who is in and who is out. If I were in that postion and placing my child for adoption, I'd want at least the adoptive mom in the room with me. Even though I'm not fond to the idea of people seeing me in such an akward postion and bare from the waist down, that woman has the same parts "down there" as I do, so what's the big deal?

Answer 4

For their own personal, selfish reasons.

I don't see any good side in it.  It could be another form of coersion for the first mom to place with this family.  More pressure for her to place and to not change her mind.

I am still happy that they were no where near the hospital, I hadnot even looked at profiles at that time and that for those days she was MINE and noone else.  Selfish on my part but really, I don't give a darn.

eta: I like how I am getting thumbs down for stating my experience and the fact that I am glad that I know and have memories that they do not have and will not be able to tell her.

I have her first moments and there is nothing that would let me share that with someone else.

While I had a friend with me, I am glad it was not the adoptive parents, I did not need them to take that away from me.

Answer 5

Our son's mom had no other support, and asked me to be in the delivery room with her.  I went in as her doula, (though I was completely unprepared for the job at the time) in the hopes of making the delivery a better time for her.  It was absolutely magical to be able to see her son born.  I was also able to insist that the medical staff treat her, not me, as the baby's mother. (Until I got there, they were treating her very badly, and would likely have taken the baby straight to the nursery, without allowing her to see him!) This day wasn't about me...  it was about her, and her son, and their chance to be a family together.

This is a very personal decision for a mother, and she should be able to have (or not have) whomever she pleases in the room with her

Answer 6

Well they want to be able to tell the birth story to their a child. Also it helps them feel more involved and it i guess makes it more like  (if that is possible) it is their child biologically

Answer 7

I dont think its a bad thing. I think that the adoptive parents just want to feel closer to the baby. People go on to say that the bonding process is much stronger after delivery, so maybey the adoptive parents want to be one of the first things the baby sees when it enters the world.

As for being exposed, having had 3 kids, I wasnt botherd who was there with me. I was in that much pain, you could have had the whole english army in there and I wouldnt have cared one little bit.

I dont think you should make it sound like a compleate bad thing. If the birth mother didnt want them in there, then she doesnt have to have them in there does she?

Its her choice. It takes two to make that descision.

Answer 8

I was invited to be in the delivery room by the bmom. Had she not asked me I would have been OK with that too. As it turned out I was the only support she had at the time the baby was born. My husband declined to be in the delivery room I think out of respect for her.

It was a privilege to watch my daughter being born. It wasn't a matter of "pretending" I was the one giving birth at all. The best advantage about being there gave me the ability to be totally honest with my daughter about her birth from the very beginning. Her bmom and I both share those stories with her.

Answer 9

Ahh yes, adoption is all about the child - not!

Childbirth is awesome, having an audience is not.

Answer 10

The first thing that comes to  mind for me is the whole "as if born to" idea. It is far easier to pretend a child was born to you if you were there for the birth.

Answer 11

If the first mother wants the adoptive parents (or parent) there and everyone is comfortable with it, what's the problem?

Answer 12

Being a parent is the most awesome thing in the world. I imagine I would want to be there for the beginning of the life of a child who I was adopting. However if i was the first mom, I would rather birth the child alone. It is a spiritual thing, which connects you to the child for life, and it should be a private thing between Mother and child.

Some First mothers might not feel this way, and might even want the A parent to be there for the birth.

A parents should not push the issue however if the birth mother refuses.

Answer 13

With my bdaughter, it was all a blur, as they gave me drugs, my mom was in there, but as soon as it was over, I was wisked to the surgical ward. My mom called my BF after she was born, I would not have wanted anyone in there with us, for my son, my DH was in there with me, we did everything natural, but again, I did not want anyone except DH with me. I think AP's might think that being involved with the birth would make them feel closer to the baby and maybe they would have a story to tell the baby, I don't know, it's just a thought.

Answer 14

I think it's ok only if the mother wants them in there and only if she did the inviting and not that they invited themselves.

I think mothers should run as fast as they can in the other direction if they were to find the PAPS wanted to be in there so they would feel "biologically closer" to the child.

That is not only impossible, it's delusional.

It should all be up to the mother of the child.

Answer 15

I can see both sides of it.

I can understand not wanting to miss one second of your child's life.  I can understand wanting to witness the miracle of your child being born.  I can see how being a witness would be the closest some women will ever get to giving birth. Some women have no support at all during birth and just having someone being there might help. ( all this with the assumption that the adoption will 100% go thru)

On the other side, its such an intimate and personal thing i would not want to witness it.  I would feel uncomfortable myself.  This is a special moment for mother and child, i would not want to take anything away from that.  I would not even want to witness my sister give birth.  Seeing another woman exposed makes me feel again uncomfortable.

The choice should be entirely up to the mother.  The pap's should have no voice in the matter.  That's my thoughts on it.

Answer 16

As an adoptive parent in general you miss out on the experience of the pregnancy of your child.  Regardless of the type of adoption you will have - you and the birthmother will always have the child in common and many just think its a very special experience to be able to welcome that child into the world together.

I met my son when he was 13 days old so I was not in the delivery room.  I always said if I could be pregnant I wouldn't want to watch my own baby being born - its the one thing I am squeamish about - so I don't have a strong desire to be in the delivery room.

Answer 17

Why wouldn't an adoptive parents NOT want to see the birth of their child.  It is an amazing thing to witness.  Plus if it is agreed that the adopted parents are going to take care of the child from the minute it is born, they should be there to watch over the child while the nurses are doing their initial testing etc.  Plus there are decisions to make from the moment the baby is born. Nurses will ask what the family wants right away.  How is this all possible if you the parents are not present.

In my case... when I adopted my son 3 years ago I was asked to be in the room.  I am glad I was.  Our birth mother was only 15 at the time. We were at the hospital for several hours an the birth grand mother started getting giddy, silly, etc. from lack of sleep. She was driving her daughter crazy, and she got kicked out of the room.  I was the only one in the room during the epidural, and help her hand during the entire labor. It was an amazing bond that the birth mother and me as the adoptive mother share.  I would not have wanted it any other way.

Answer 18

I understand that everyone feels differently on this.  Some first moms don't care, some do.  I did.  I did not want ANYONE near me when I gave birth (which included family).  To me, childbirth, even a c-section, is a degrading, painful and humiliating experience.  Why the h**l would I want my stuff hanging out for the whole world to see????

I'm thankful it did end in a c-section, because NO ONE was allowed in the room.  But again, during the adoption planning, I made it clear that I wanted no one with me when the time came.  Stay in the waiting room, I'll call you when the baby's ready.