Why my 1 year old son is closer to his dad?

Question

This started from the beginning. My son has always been closer to his dad than to me, his mommy. I breast fed him for 3 months...then had to stop b/c work. I regret that very much as I think that might contribute to the lack of bonding. When both my husband and I are present, my son always goes to his dad and does not want to be held by me. He somehow just feels more comfortable with is dad. I spend more time with him, I play with him, I feed him...he is happy with me when his dad is not around. But as soon as my husband shows up, his eyes light up and he will go to him and ask to be held by him. I feel very sad and hurt. I am always so loving with my son. I kiss him, hold him all the times and I've never even raised my voice in front of him. People say the bond between a mother and a son is special. But why not me and my son? Will he ever pass this phase and warm up to me? Anybody had similar experience? Does the situation improve with time? Very sad and confused. Please help!

Answer 1

Don't let this get to you. He is with you more you said, then he is excited for daddy to be there. Kids go threw phases with who they like best. It isn't that he likes you or loves you any less. the bond is there. Don't worry.

My little boy since birth will go to his great grandfather over anyone.

Answer 2

it is ok. nothing to worry.

but if you think he is going away from you and try to keep him with you more, he try to get away.

as you are with him always just a change he looking for.it is natural.and be happy that he is with his father.

Answer 3

Okay, firstly, there is no reason to feel sad. I know it hurts your feelings, but try to be pleased that your son has such a close relationship with his Daddy - it is a good thing. It doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong or that your son doesn't love you just as much. Try not to react to any of the negative things you are feeling and let your son see that it bothers you. He is just a baby and he wants to be with his Daddy right now. Things may change - he might have times when he prefers to be with you. I know it hurts when it feels as though you put in all of the effort and get very little in return, but don't be cross at your son and don't let it affect your relationship in the future. Does your little boy see more of you? That could be why he behaves as he does - he misses his Daddy and is understandably excited when he sees him. You are both doing an amazing job and he will thank you one of these days!

Answer 4

My mom took child development classes and learned that boys go through a phase (around a year old - 3 years old) where they are tightly bonded with their dad because they are identifying with the fact that they are "male".  Little girls also go through this phase with their moms around the same time period.  My mom says it usually swings back when the son is a little older (5-6 years old) where he is more mommy-ish again.  Your love is not going unnoticed....just right now it may feel like it.

Also, sometimes the primary caretaker is taken for granted...but this person is still the most important person to the child even though they may also be the most ignored.  Kinda like we don't always appreciate our house (and we might notice the new widget/knick knack we just bought at the store more) but we would DEFINITELY notice if it was gone (and we probably would not miss the new widget/knick knack as much)...some things in life get taken for granted --- I think Moms tend to be in amongst the list.

Answer 5

Aw don't feel bad. It has nothing to do with the breastfeeding thing. Lots of kids aren't breast fed and are able to bond with both parents. Sometimes kids just like being with dad.

Your son is only a year old; he'll go back and forth between parents many times over. I'm going through it right now, in fact. In his 3 years, I've usually been my son's first choice, but as of late he just wants to be with his dad. We don't know what brought it along, but my husband has nearly tripped over him almost everyday for the last 4 weeks because my son is constantly following him EVERYWHERE. My husband always expressed the same sort of hurt where he feels our son likes me more than him... well now he's eating his words because he cannot get that boy off his tail.

Let your husband enjoy his time in the sun, while he still has it haha. Your son does love you even if he doesn't show it as enthusiastically as you'd like. Like you said, you're the one he spends the most time with, so you aren't chopped liver. And things will always improve with time; a bond between mother and son is special no doubt, but that sort of thing also builds over many years of love and support. It'll get better.

Answer 6

you do have a bond with your son it sounds like he is very happy been with you aswell but maybe if he dosent see his dad as much as you he just want to make the most of that time he has probably missed him during the day and is really happy to see him, i dont think you should worry it sounds like he has two very loving parents and he loves both of you.

Answer 7

At that age it is very normal for a child to start "wanting" one parent more than the other. While you are at home alone with your child, do things to make your time with him special. Think about it, he sees you all day. When dad gets home, its a different face, voice, smell, etc. My daughter is 2 and does the very same thing.

Don't be sad about it. Feel special, obviously your child has a strong bond with both parents. The bond between you and your son is very special - for you and your son. You do things different from what dad does and that is what makes it so special. But, his bond with dad is special too because he does things differently from you. I take advantage of that time - I go sit outside, cook some dinner, TAKE A LLLLOOOONNNNGGG SHOWER (uninterupted!), and find time for me.