Why my 4-yr old son don't want to go school?

Question

My son was in daycare since he was 13 month old. He has a little speach-delayed, but all other aspects are fine. When he was 3.5 yr old, he started to refuse to daycare, he struggled so hard that we have to take him out. We thought it was related to his speech delay. He stayed at home for about 6 months, and we send him to speech threapy. Now he can speak almost all words, and can talk simple sentenses. So we thought the problem solved. We sent him to daycare again , but again, he struggled so hard. (By the way, it is not the problem of the school. The teachers all all very good, very responsible. )Just as soon as he saw the classroom, he started to cry, and we have to drag him to his classroom, and he will lay there crying whole morning until we pick him up. (Also, he has no problem to play with other kids outside of the school. Deal well with doctors ot speech therapy, or other aldults.) Just don't know what to do?

Answer 1

your son is not use to the environment he's use to being with you. I use to see this all the time when i worked in a daycare. You can't keep taking him out of school so what if he cries, he needs to adjust. What are you going to do when he starts kindergarden, the same reaction from him. He will be fine but he really needs to be in school.Try taking him to a daycare that you like and let him visit a few days a week for a hour or so with permission, as he get use to it, try leaving the room without him knowing he may look for you later but if he doesn't cry he's getting the hang of it. This wont happen in a day but it's worth a try. Good Luck

Answer 2

If you are sure that its not the place and you are happy for him to attend there then maybe try a staggered approach...start by going for an hour and you stay with him-try this for a week and then as he begins to go off and play make excuses like you need toilet to leave room for few minutes, then increase thisd to 'pop down shops' until he regains his confidence...then you can increase his hours and the amount of time you leave him.

Some children do just have difficulty in  separation esp if its been  inconsistent eg: you took him out, he went to therapy and now sending him back-its a lot of different routines---it may be hard for him to settle and understand new routine.

Also you may want to think about parent and toddler groups or stay and plays as this will get him playing away from home, new friends, and get him to practice moving away from you a bit :) its a great 'middle step' to day care!

Also-how do you deal with the tears?Does he get a lot of attention? And at home do you say "school in morning" and then start talking a lot about it or do you just say a simple-"bedtime now, school in morning" and leave it at that? Often when adults talk a lot about something it can cause stress and anxiety and the children thinks that if mum and dad are making a fuss then it must be a big scary thing to be worried about.

PS: When u say daycare how long is he going to be left? If they wont let you drop hours maybe you should consider a preschool or nursery with the 2.5 hours per day sessions? May be better suited to him at the moment.

Answer 3

Have the school's psychologist or therapist evaluate him - if he won't talk to you, he might talk to them or they can do play therapy. Perhaps someone there is bullying him - it could be as simple as he doesn't like to lay down after snack or he misses his teddy or something.  Or it could be more serious like someone bullying him or he's being mistreated by an adult.  Obviously, something is bothering him at that daycare and I wish you luck figuring out what it is.

Answer 4

i did that in preschool because it was just scary and even being in highschool is still scary for no apparent reaqson

Answer 5

It could very well be a sign of bullying. You can have great teachers but one kid can ruin the experience for everyone. Fits at drop off usually don't last more then 5-10 minutes. It could indicate something isn't right at school. Try talking to him, ask open ended questions What do you like at school? What don't you like? Who hurt your feelings? Not yes or no questions b/c those could be asked in such a way that you'll only get the answers you want to hear and not the truth.

Consider trying a new child care facility. Give him about a 2 weeks to adjust and if the fits continue I'd say seek help from a doctor or counselor b/c he doesn't have much time left before school starts.....Special Ed preschool might be the route to consider. If he does need extra help they will provide him with a smaller environment with specially trained teachers.

Answer 6

I would think this type of reaction to the daycare center is very much a sign that something is going on you are not aware of.  Kids will tell you something is wrong anyway they can.  If they cannot verbalize there problem with words, they will attempt to do it with other means, ie-the fits when you take him.  I would pull him from this center and see if there is a home-daycare provider with a smaller number of kids.  Stay with him while you try out the new place.  A couple hours at a time maybe...then when you do leave him, try out a half day first.  If he responds better to a new environment, his old one wasn't good for him.  If he has the exact same reaction, even after starting slow, I would recommend talking to his Pediatrician about what is going on.  It could be a phase, but this sounds like a little more than that to me.  Good luck!  I hope you will find an arrangement that works well for you and your son.

Answer 7

He probably being picked on by students in his class or there is a little bully bothering him.