Why my father in law does not allow my husband to go to my parents house?

Question

After 2 years we are going to inda for 3 weeks. my father in laws does not like we going to my parents place. even though i ask them they say that i can go but not my husband. they say that they have something to talk to my husband in personal. but even my parents want us to stay with them.. they have nothing to talk or anything like that but they just want their son in law to staya withem for some time.

what can i do? how do i convince my husband and my in laws? but my sister in law and her husband are always at my in laws pplace. Im not at all happy going to india and my husband is also supporting his parents.

PLEASE ADVICE ME.. WHAT CAN I DO? EVEN MY PARENTS ARE FEELING BAD ABOUT THIS.

PLEASE HELP ME.

Answer 1

Indian men are simply still tied to their mother's umbilical cord. Forever...

Answer 2

Archana if u go to ur parents place then ur husband has to come to pick u up from their place so try to go to ur dads house n when ur husband comes to pick u request him to stay atleast for one day hope so it will work... Ya and also try to know that y ur in law's are telling him not to go talk to him about that

Answer 3

what does your husband think? HELLO tell them to mind their own business, of just go, tell them when you get back. Is your husband a man or a mam mas boy.

Answer 4

I think it's the cultural thing- I said "ah-ha" allowed when I read India.  If I'm wrong- ask his parents for an explanation.  You have the right to be upfront and mature and be informed as to why something so normal isn't being encouraged or "permitted"- unless it's a religious thing then you're basically at a loss.  Good luck.

Answer 5

you should not have to convince you husband or you  in laws, your husband should go because he loves you and does not want to see you unhappy, if you can put up with his what I am assuming is a controlling father then the least he can do his visit your family and that is what he should be told, you owe his father nothing

Answer 6

talk to ur husband...he shud understand that u 2 have a family n he shud atleast go n visit them if not stay with them..ull have to sort this out dont just keep giving in..

Answer 7

perhaps they don't like that he is grown up and can make his own choice. Or maybe they are afraid he will and it won't be them.  THe answer seems logical to me spend equal time at each home. if the days end up uneven take that day to spend alone  with each other at a special nite at a hotel.

Answer 8

I wish I could give you any advice, but, unfortunately, this is the story of almost every Indian woman who live outside India. It is the once in 2-3 years "India trip" fiasco.  How many days in whose house? which house to go to first.  What presents for whom? We meet every alive relative on husband's side, but they barely meet our own parents.

The obvious reply is, the guy needs to understand, that he is now married. His parents do not have the right to "allow" anyone to go anywhere. They should have no say in where adults go or who they meet. But, this is the way it is. The minute it comes to India, the minute the plane lands in India, your guy goes thru a transformation.

If your husband does not understand, or understands, but prefers to take the easy way and not stand up to his parents, there is not much you can do. If it is any consolation, it mostly gets better with time. And you also stop caring so much about it.

So, here is what I would do and suggest:

1. it is just a freaking India-trip. if other than this, your husband is great, then just grin and bear it.

2. don't let it spoil the few days you get in your parent's house.

3. don't feel responsible for your parents' disappointment that their son-in-law is not visting them. Explain to them that it is nothing personal, and that he is under pressue from his parents.

4. if your aunts/uncles/relatives say anything, turn a deaf ear to them.

5. make sure your husband knows how you feel, how disappointed you are, and that it is not right. But, stop at that. Don't nag or whine.

when at his house, be normal, but don't show too much joy or respect to his parents.

Show that you are a wise woman who can recognize what she cannot change, and has the grace to accept it. At the same time, be a bit reserved. If they ask you to meet xyz relatives, say no.

I feel for you. Have a good trip.

Answer 9

Tell your husband to cut the umbilical cord.  

Answer 10

This is some kind of old traditional rule but your father in law allows you to go your parents this suggestes little change. Due to own traditional thinking and another thing your parents can tell your husband about inlaw family about good or bad thing. Your in law thinks that your husband can change toward to your parents.  

Answer 11

your husband is old enough to make his own decisions , tell the bossy father in law to buzz off