Why should SAHM's feel like they have to justify their decisions to anyone?

Question

This is to help correct some misunderstandings from a previous question I asked.

As a former SAHW and M, I never felt like I had to justify what I did. But from the answers I got to a previous Q, I found out that these women feel they are taunted for their decisons. I have never seen a question like that myself, but I don't think that they should have to EXPLAIN. I thought that feminism was supposed to support a womans right to CHOOSE to stay at home or work, basically to fulfill her potential in the best way she could. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

I didn't know they did.

Answer 2

I have never felt the need to justify my decisions to anyone.

Answer 3

Mothers have it bad in today's society. SAHMs are looked down upon for being "lazy," "sponging off their husbands," and even called whores since their husbands provide for their financial needs. On the flip side, working mothers are often viewed as "cold," "selfish," "overly ambitious," and are accused of "abandoning their family." No matter which decision the mother makes, someone is going to cut her down for it.

It's amazing more women don't just forego motherhood altogether! Of course, those of us who do are just called selfish, immature, and unnatural.

Answer 4

Before I became a feminist I dissed SAHM's because I was fighting against the expectation that I HAD to become a SAHM myself. Once I became a feminist and got a little more confidence I didn't care what men or women chose to do at home or work as long as they weren't telling me I was evil for choosing not to have kids myself.

Actually the people I hear say the nastiest things about SAHM's are non-feminist and anti-feminist men who have this impression that SAHM's sit around the house watching soap operas and eating bon-bons. Since my mom was a SAHM for quite a while-I know that's anything but true. I don't know where these guys get this idea from-but I've heard it quite a few times.

Edit; Some feminists in the 2nd wave of feminism (this is now the 3rd wave of feminism to those of you who seem to be living in the past) were angry that they were expected to live their lives as housewives and were extremely dismissive of housewives-like Betty Friedan. I couldn't read much of her book-it was too hostile and I was a second wave feminist. Betty Friedan started NOW with 27 other people and also proceeded to try her best to kick out lesbians as she thought they would bring the feminist movement down. Just as quite a few of the second wave feminists progressed past the racism of some of the first wave feminists; quite a few of the third wave feminists have moved on from the 1960's dismissive attitude towards housewives and their rejection of lesbians and have worked a great deal on racism issues. NOW has moved on as well-in spite of the numerous claims of their detractors.

Quoting feminists from the 2nd wave of feminism from 40 years ago and stating emphatically that all feminists today are still stuck in the past with them is inaccurate at best and a lie at worst. NOW has been standing up for mothers for a long time-in spite of the opinions of those that are determined to say otherwise-here's one of their most recent activities: Mothers Matter, Caregivers Count Campaign: http://www.now.org/issues/mothers/mmcc.h...

Answer 5

I never felt I had to justify what I did either.  But it is evident, from what I read on here, and from what I have read of feminist literature, that feminists DO feel that being a stay at home wife is an unworthy occupation for a woman.  We are all supposed to be obsessed with work nowadays, and anyone who isn't cannot really regard themselves as a feminist.

I recently read 'The Feminine Mystiqute' for the first time.  I had never read it before because I knew that Betty Friedan had a low opinion of housewives, and I didn't think it would do me any good to read it.  However, when I finally got around to it I found it much worse than I had suspected.  I was stunned by the vitriol of her attack on housewives, and I don't know how any feminist can say, with a straight face, that they support a woman's right to stay at home, because the whole thrust of the modern feminist movement has been towards seperating women from their children and getting them out to work.  there is absolutely NO quarter given to housewives in Friedan's malignant book, and modern feminists take their cue from her.

Answer 6

do you remember the 70s and earlier? b/c its quite funny that ppl think feminists dont like SAHMs. many men back then had NO appreciation for housewives. ever see archie bunker?

feminists came along & declared that women should have a choice.

in fact, feminists get trashed for supporting so-called 'white women's concerns' such as day care.

so wtf is it? are feminists for or against SAHMs. as a veteran feminist I have NEVER heard a bad word agst SAHMs.

my sister and my best friend are SAHMs. i totally support them.

where the heck does this myth come from? what fems (aside from individual opinions on here) put you down?

for pete's sake, fems got the UN & others to put a dollar value on women's unpaid work so that it could "compare" to men's paid work -- meaning, it's WORK -- nothing less & deserves to be recognized as such.

Morevoer, thanks to feminism, men are chipping in more with child care & housework.  

So... what's the problem????

Answer 7

Yeah but supporting the SAHMs is only a recent u turn, it wasn't always the case.

They were shamed out the door.....

Answer 8

I'm a SAHM; we don't. We just have to believe in our choice; believe in our selves.

Answer 9

I don't think feminists are the problem, just random women who feel the need to criticize each other's decisions.

Answer 10

They don't have to justify their decision. It used to be assumed that women would stay at home & raise the children. But many women who work or have to work want to make SAHM's feel guilty for not pulling their share, etc, and to project their own inadaquacies, and poorly raised children. No one can raise your child better than you.

Feminism is supposed to allow for that choice. Don't feel guilty for your decision. It was  good one.

Answer 11

I say this all the time:

All of us lead lives that someone, somewhere does not approve of. For example I live with my boyfriend out of wedlock. I know there are a lot of people out there who would have a bone to pick with me about this. There are of course some people out there who believe stay at home moms have made the wrong decision. As long as these women who have chosen to stay home are happy and secure in this decision, why does it matter what other people have to say? Stop whining about it and grow some thicker skin.