Why should an adult adoptee not be allowed to challenge the wisdom of social workers and adoption?

Question

A suggestion was made earlier today that adoptees should be honoring decisions that were made by somebody else.

My question is why should an adult adoptee be permanently required to honor any agreement that they never agreed to, never read, never saw, & never signed?

Why?

Answer 1

I never signed anything.  I never agreed to anything.  Just because I happen to have been adopted doesn't mean I should have my rights stripped from me by the state.

Hey, I know.  How about people just relinquish but don't have adoptions take place.  Just let people have legal guardianships.  Nobody's record gets sealed following a relinquishment.  Nobody's record gets sealed with a legal guardianship.  So, if my natural parents can't or don't want to raise me and they relinquish me for adoption, but no adoption is ever finalized -- MY RECORDS DON'T SEAL--EVER--EVEN IF SOMEONE SAYS THEY WILL!  It's the adoption that seals the records, NOT the relinquishment.  So much for the "privacy right" myth.

So, in return for getting adopted, I should be just fine with losing the same right as everyone who isn't adopted has?  What a crock.

Any social worker who believes otherwise certainly doesn't have the adopted person's interests at heart.  Oh, and about that idea that open records decreases adoptions?  Not true in the slightest.  States that never sealed and states that have unsealed have adoption rates the same or higher than states with sealed records.

Oh, and for the nasty person around here who accuses me of not having "real" statistics, get off your toukis and check on the numbers for yourself.  You'll see I don't just pull stuff out of the air or "off of somebody's website" as you say I do.

ETA:

Joslin, everyone else has the right to his or her own birth record.  ADOPTED people are the only ones who don't.  All of the other things you mention are not rights that everyone but some have.  There IS a difference.  And, this isn't about feelings and the past.  It's about RIGHTS in the NOW and in the FUTURE.  I suppose the suffragettes should have just stopped "blaming" and gotten over not having the same rights as men.  YOU get over it, Joslin.

ETA:

Joslin (now known as ~~~~~~~...,)  I do all of those legislative things, as well.  I don't blame anyone but the state and those who push to keep me from having equal rights.  You seem to miss the point.  This issue doesn't define me. This issue doesn't make my life "bad."  My life is good, but I don't have equal rights.  Open records gives me the same rights as non-adopted persons.  It's about equal treatment under the law.  You keep trying to add in issues such as "being whole" or "having a good or bad life" or adoption "defining someone" or the OBC "defining someone."  These aren't issues for me.  Don't you understand that it's about having equal treatment under the law?  It's about having the state out of my business.  I work hard with letters and testimony and the like.  But, I do have a passion about equality.  I'm sorry you just don't get that.  You keep trying to twist the issue.

Answer 2

I'm not honoring ANY agreement I didnt consent to. this was MY LIFE they are talking about, MY RECORD OF BIRTH. They have NO BUSINESS sealing it from ME. I AM a party to that adoption, i WAS the adoption, how DARE my state tell me I wasn't a party to it, and how dare they try and dictate my sealed records return. I don't need "special laws" to access the same c**p everybody else access's.

Grrrr.....

Answer 3

i am  adopted and i know who my natural father is and he is now dead but i do speak to his family and i think that is a large part of me and i do not think that we should have to keep silent just because that is what their decision is

Answer 4

Yep, that is the big question, isn't it?  

What amazes me is that during my adoption proceedings I was not even offered court-appointed representation.  Add that on to the list of "different" treatment that adoptees receive.  I refuse to take responsibility or honor decisions, promises, contracts or whatever that were made in my best interest.  I never agreed to anything...nor did anyone representing me agree to anything.

Answer 5

I just don't understand how anyone can think that it is OK to keep secrets. Period. How on earth can anyone think there's any justification to not giving all people the right  to their OBC is moronic, at best. When adoption papers were / are signed, the first family doesn't have a choice in weather or not they want closed adoptions. It's a given. "Open" adoptions aren't even legal, so that doesn't even matter.

Answer 6

Your question is spot on that is exactly right WHY SHOULD WE AS ADOPTEES BE REQUIRED TO HONOUR ANY AGREEMENT THAT WE HAD NO SAY IN hasn't any human being got more rights than a pet bought from a petshop which is what we are if we have no rights.Every person has the right to know where they came from and,for the majority of people,this is true.We,on the other hand,only have access to the information,if any,that other people control.THIS IS NOT RIGHT.Archaic laws and regulations need to be changed!

Answer 7

And these are the same folks who bristle when adoption is compared to indentured servitude or slavery...

Answer 8

I cannot change the man that my mother did or did not select to make me with.  I cannot change that she did or did not breast feed me, or that she did or did not use medication when she delivered me, or that she smoked, or that my grandfather was overweight....etc., etc., etc.  We must at some point say....o.k., that's enough and stop the blaming.  If we are adults, we can choose how we are going to feel about anything in our life.  I had some pretty challenging events in my infancy and childhood.  I am an adult now.  Am I going to hang onto those feelings and make everyone around me do the same?  Or am I going to take responsibility for MY FEELINGS and choose not to live in the past?

LAURIE~~~ I have, thanks.  I work for bc reform, too, but I don't throw the baby out with the bath water!   Yes, I WANT my obc, but my life will not be BAD because I cannot get it.  Nor will I blame others for not having it.  I will just continue to work at educating people why it is important, keep writing my letters and talking with those who can change it.  But adoption does not define me.  I am a whole person, and so are my children, also adoptees.  THAT is the message I hope to convey.  A piece of some government paper is NOT going to change that or us.

Answer 9

That is BULLSH!T!!!  No way.  Absolutely, totally, no way.  Again, I say, why oh why can we not look at things from the adoptee's perspective?  You know how, in a room full of adults and children, the adults will just talk over the kids' heads and act like they're not there?  Seems to me, that's pretty much what happens to adoptees throughout life, and it pisses me off!  I didn't like it when I was a kid, I don't like it now, and it really irritates me that people CONTINUE to do this to you even though you're now an ADULT!!!  It wasn't your decision, it's not your contract, and you shouldn't have to abide by it.

Answer 10

That is an excellent question. Hopefully somebody will one day fight that in court and change some laws. If I had the money, I would!

Answer 11

Julie,  thanks for asking this question.  There is no good reason.  I cannot imagine how my rights could be signed away by someone else for all eternity.  But that is what some would have us believe.  The only reason I can think of seems to be the (empirically falsified) belief that people would stop relinquishing children to adoption if such "agreements" were not honored in perpetuity.  It's a bad reason, but I cannot imagine what other one someone could give.