Why should children be treated like dogs?

Question

You tell a dog to go lay down. When you tell a kid to go in another room when they haven't done anything wrong, isn't that the same thing? I have this friend with a 7-year-old daughter. Every single time I'm talking to her, even if the conversation is light, she tells her to go play. I think that's completly wrong because she's a person, not an animal. It isn't anything she hasn't heard before. It makes me so sad that I've stopped going over there. I wonder why some people have children. Tell me why you do if your going to ignore them all the time? What's the point?

Answer 1

I have 3 kids, ages 6,4 and 4 months.  My husband and I both work. Sometimes you just need an hour to unwind together, to talk about the days events, or other things ( even the kids) and you don't want them to hear. We tell ours to go play a lot. Especially when you are on the phone. That seems to be the prime time for them to come and HAVE to tell you something RIGHT NOW!! It gets frustrating.  So I understand completely that your friend tells her child to go play. Did your parents never tell you the same? I always heard that it was too pretty outside and that we needed to go out and play. It would be different if your friend was beating her child or threatening her. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling a child to go play.

Answer 2

I can't say for certain (since I don't know your friend), but more than likely, your friend doesn't ignore her daughter all the time. When you come over, it's like,"Okay, break time. I love you, but it's time for me to have a little bit of adult time."

We (moms) get so caught up in our kids lives that we forget to have ones of our owns. When the chance comes to have some time that doesn't center around our kids, we can pounce on it and be a little possesive (thus sending the kids out to play).

Let your friend know that you don't mind the daughter hanging out. Be prepared for the reasoning of "we won't have an uninterrupted conversation". If you look forward to seeing the daughter, strike a compromise. It could be that the girl can stay for the beginning of your visit, but leave the bulk of it for the adults.

Answer 3

it's hard to win as a parent.  i've annoyed friends who were over because i *didn't* tell my kids to go play, but let them hang out in the room where we adults were talking.  it may be that your friend thinks (since it sounds like you're not a parent) that you'd prefer adult time without the kids.  if it doesn't matter to you or you like having the seven year old around, say so.

but sending a kid to play by themselves for an hour over the course of a day is really not "ignoring them all the time."  both kids and adults benefit from some alone time.  if i send my kids off to "play" for an hour while i have a conversation with a friend, i'm still spending their other 13 waking hours with them.  that's hardly neglect, i think!

Answer 4

Quite often the kids are the father spies for what mums getting up to during the day... you have no idea on how much she may not disclose within the child's ears.

Maybe shes fed up with light conversations somethings really bothering her, and your actions are just adding to it?

Answer 5

Believe me, even when the child does go to school, Mom still needs the time to talk with her friends without benefit of child. Turn the situation around. I'll bet you anything that when the child has a friend over, she prefers not to have mom hanging around. And it certainly is not the same thing as telling a dog to go lay down. Before I had children, my best friend did. And while we did interact with her children while I was there, at some point, it was appropriate for the children to play elsewhere while the adults talked. And while you say that "it isn't anything the child hasn't heard before" that's really not your place to say what is and is not appropriate for her child to hear. She's the mother and she sets the standards.

Answer 6

I do not ignore my children at all...

I have 3- they are just turned 8,  6  next month, and just turned 3.

My eldest regularly joins in conversations with me and is invited to do so. She is highly intelligent and sensible with most things and i like her, and like having her around. She is not hard work- only when getting her to tidy, or occasionally tell the truth about something! She is fab.

My second daughter is an actual darling...and my son is so sweet i could eat him. I am with them 24/7 except for school and my son  stays with me all the time- they go out with Dad occasionally without me, but generally we are all together and we havea  rgeat time. I never tell them to go & play or lie down! I treat them as the people they are...they need to be told when to go to bed for their own sake- if they stayed up late every night they would be grumpy and unable to function during the say, so for their own sake htey have to be put to bed at a time me, the adult, judges best for them.

And when they misbehave, i, the sdult, need to decide how to dealw tihthis, so they learn properly, as i want them to be sensible adjusted adults who behave in a socially acceptabel way; after all, if children did what they wanted when they wanted, then they would grow into shocking adults.When you have children you may understand this more; but i do agree some people seem to have children for their own convenience and don't do very much with them!

Answer 7

it depends on what you are talking about. i dont believe that children need to be apart of adult conversation. they need to be kids and play

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with what she is doing.  I do not like my child in my conversations and she will leave the room when I tell her to leave.

I don't think it's a form of ignoring and it's not treating her like a "dog" -  it's called respecting your parents while they are on the phone.

I can imagine if you did have kids - they would be telling you what to do - problem with today's kid/parents - everyone wants to be "friends"

Answer 9

First off are you with your friend 24/7? I guess not b/c if you were you may learn things that you are just assuming to be true are false.  It could very well be that she is trying to teach her daughter that she doesn't need to be with Mommy ALL the time and that Mommy's friends are Mommy's friends and she need to be more independent.  My eldest is now 11 but when she was younger she was ALWAYS with us and our friends and I realized that she needs to learn to go off and do her own thing and not be in the middle of everything. Most kids though when they are around adults and not the center of attention will try to do things to be the center of attention.

She is NOT Treating her child like a Dog and you are not a friend if you say such a thing. She is being a parent and it is her child - she is not ignoring her child. Besides who said you have to have your children attached to you 24/7?  Heck I do the same thing (then again I don't get alot of adult time either) and am trying to raise my daughters so that they are independent and don't need to be in the middle of everything and can do things alone (there is nothing wrong with that at all).

You may think that these "light" topics are things she has heard before but maybe Mom doesn't want her to continue to hear them and that is her right as a parent.

Answer 10

I'm going to guess you don't have children. Give the woman a break. She's got her kid all day every day, and you aren't there to see what goes on ALL the time. Everyone needs their space, INCLUDING mothers, and children can get in the way, or maybe hear something they shouldn't when they're having "grownup time". It's not pushing your children away or treating them like a dog, its teaching them respect, and privacy at a young age. Don't judge people until you have been in their shoes. I garuntee you will tell your children to go play too. You don't know if it happens all the time. I'm sure she doesnt lock her kid in a room all day.

Any I don't have kids yet either, so I'm not just antoher mother standing up for myself. You just need to take a step back and keep an open mind. Try to see through other peoples eyes, not just yours.

Answer 11

You should never treat your children like dogs!

Answer 12

It may very well be something the child has heard before but have you taken into consideration the mother? You stop over for a few minutes and see negligence because the mother wants a few minutes of adult time out of hours of mommy-and-me time. It has nothing to do with treating a child like a dog. When my little guys were little all day until my friends were done working it was baby/kid talk and Sesame Street and cleaning. At the end of the day, it's nice to have some actual Adult conversation, to know others know words that consist of more than one and occasionally two syllables. I have four wonderful boys in which I love dearly and would not trade for anything in the world but sometimes it's nice to have some adult time with adult conversations with out kids surrounding me and to be honest it's good for the kids too, they learn a bit of independence when they are expected to entertain themselves for a moment.

Answer 13

Some people create habbits that they are not aware of.

I know I would prefer the mom give her something to do or at least include her in part of the visit...

Many people think the kids should disapear when adults are around... I don't think that and I guess you don't either. So I guess that makes up more aware of the fact  that kids have feelings too.....