Why should divorced parents wait till the child is older to date?

Question

if they start seeing other people, and make sure they dont bring them into the kids lives unless and until they are POSITIVE this person will e around for a long time, and dont rush things, i.e. dont move in together or kiss in front of the kids or what not, why do so many people feel that the divorcees should have to put their lives on hold? if they are responsible, and they dont bring new gf/bf into the lives of the kids unless the partner plans on making a lifelong commitment to the kids, then whats the big deal? kids meet friends of parents all the time, sometimes hand out with them, or are babysat by them, and so on and so forth... if the relationship takes its time and doesnt rush thing, whats the problem?

Answer 1

Dating isn't the problem, it's getting the kids involved with the new guy of the week.  

Answer 2

My dad died when I was 1 years old. Of course, my mom didn't wait until I was 16 to date... That would have been ridiculous! I think the most important thing is making sure this person is there for a long time and is gonna be good for the kids... My mom met my step-dad when I was 8, and it was completely fine. I loved him a lot and I still do. They are still together. Just make sure you take things slowly, let them meet him as a friend first, then as time goes by if everything goes smoothly, why would you restrain forever of kissing him? If it's a stable longterm relationship, I see no biggie.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You really answered your own question in your first sentence. That would be the appropriate way for a divorcee to date.

I waited after my divorce for many years because I was more concerned with the lives of my children than I was my own. Far too many people who have children bring multiple partners in and out of their child's live before they know if that person is in it for the long haul and it can be very damaging to the child. Can you imagine being a child or pre-teen and waking up to find mommy or daddy has someone in bed with them.....someone they do not know....never seen before? Horrible!

You are smart Bella. I read and answered your other question and I may have misunderstood the roll you play in the lives of your boyfriends daughters. The way in which your relationship is playing out with their father is the right way. Their mom may be underminding you......sadly that happens. Just be their friend and have patience. This can be a diffucult relationship to manage if all parties involved do not behave as adults who care only about the best interest of the children. Good luck.  

Answer 4

There is no reason for them to put there lives on hold but they shouldn't rush into another relationship too quickly.  I agree with keeping dating and parenting separate though.  Experts say that unless the new relationship is very serious and you know that there is a future, the kids should not form a relationship with their parents boy/girlfriend.

Answer 5

I would go one step further than you.  I think it's perfectly fine and healthy to introduce your children to people who you are just dating.  It's OK for them to learn that mom or dad has adult friends & that some of those relationships are potentially romantic *or* potentially temporary.  If you wait until you are sure this person is a permanent person in your life, you are setting your child up for disappointment if the relationship breaks up (as they can still do at that point).  And, if it breaks up after the other person meets the kids, then the kids might feel that they are responsible for the breakup.  

Additionally, I don't know how, as a parent, you can know that you want to enter into a permanent relationship with another adult, if you have not yet seen how they interact with your children, with you as a parent & how your children feel about them, too.  

Sure, don't expose your kids to wanton one-night-stands, drunken making out, night after night of babysitters while you're out dating - continue to be a parent, but it's OK to be a parent who has a personal life.  

Answer 6

Because when you are dating, you are putting your time into dating, as opposed to your children.  They need you more than ever right now, to be reassured that you love them, and to know someone is there.

Your responsibility is to your children.  You shouldn't date until they are older and fully over the divorce.

Answer 7

I think a year is reasonable to wait, but longer than that is a waste, then after the year treat it as you have above.

Answer 8

Everyone will always have an opinion about everything everyone does, it's just a fact of life that we have to deal with. Having said that, there is no reason to wait if you feel you are ready to start dating. Just think, some people get divorced after hating each other for years. Should that person wait a year just because people will judge them for dating sooner? No way. I completely agree with you, as long as the children are not involved with the person, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Answer 9

there is no problem.. you just said so yourself