Why should i be embarrassed about correcting/punishing my kids in public?

Question

I am the mother of 2 girls, one is 3yrs and is blind, autistic and mentally handicapped and a just learned to walk and talk 1 year old.they are drastically different and my one yr old is very good and easy to handle. my 3 yr old is difficult because we have a system of words, phrases, or even tones to help her understand her surroundings, i have taught her almost like a dog to stop, turn around, step carefully, reach out, and most important DANGER. when i use these methods other parents stare at me like im screaming at her or treating her badly because i wont baby her if she falls. there are plenty of times when i have to use the danger tone and the word stop which will make her freeze back up and feel with caution until i reach her....sometimes i have to spank her if she does not obey,its for her safety and obedience. she has learned that each word or tone means something,ne way i cant xplain to people without confusing them, especially my neighbors,i dont know what to

Answer 1

I think you are doing the right thing, unfortunately not everyone knows about disabilities. I know of too many disABLED children that are babied and get away with EVERYTHING. I once work at a daycare with a boy who was deaf, but there was NOTHING else wrong with him, he was just a BRAT. He was too old and too big to be in daycare, he would hear us say something, then COMPLETELY ignore us, or do something (like hit one of his three younger siblings with a football in the head, intentionally) and then denie it and 98% of the time get away with it. He once ripped the tail off of our chincillia by swinging it by it's tail, it took everything I had in me not to give him a good sound butt whipping. He was even allowed (and this is against DHS rules) to stay at the daycare, but not attend school (for like two or three months). I'm glad your actually displining your kids, instead of letting them get away with murder.

Answer 2

Just tell them you HAVE to make sure she listens to you ...She is just a baby and has some problems so you need to watch her carefully and have a system for her

Answer 3

In my opinion, as a mother, you should treat all your children equally. Not only that this will adapt a sense of love and peace to your environment, it will also help you understand why God has given you the 3year old child. Remember, this is a challenge for you. I somehow feel sad when i read about how you teach that child. You should give special education to that child. Sooner or later, the child will understand you. Dont worry. Being aggressive will not help you a thing - it will only make things worse. People like this need extra education. Find a better and much loving way to make the baby child of yours understand you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Yea, I'm all for parenting your child despite their mental disabilities, but the way you referred to "teaching" her almost like a dog to stop, turn around and all that sorta squicked me out.  For her safety and obedience, it sounds exactly like you are training your dog to walk off a leash.  She is only three years old, and it's probably very hard for her just as it is for you, yes you can discipline her, but I doubt spanking her actually helps any.

And another thing, the implication that your daughter is good and easy to handle, almost implies that your other daughter is "bad" and that didn't settle well either.  The younger child is only 1, what happens when they turn two, or three and want to gain more independence and it becomes harder.  The best you can do is try to explain why you are doing this, but not everyone is going to agree with some of your methods.  IF they don't want to listen, then they don't have to really.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are a wonderful mother, and that you are thinking of your daughter's safetly and well-being, not only for now but for life.

Other people may never understand what you have to go through and why you have to discipline your daughter the way that you do. They are too ignorant to understand.  You just have to learn not to care or be embarrassed about what others think (I know - easier said than done!)

It sounds like you are very consistent, controlled, and firm in your discipline of both of your children. it's good that you discipline them differently, because they ARE different. It sounds like your doing a great job to be commended!

Answer 6

I work with mentally retarded adults who have been babied all their lives! Disabled children who are babied grow to be disabled adults who expect to be babied! Which helps no one... especially the individual. WAY TO GO for actually parenting your multi-disabled child!!! You have your work cut out for you but keep with it! It will pay off in the end... for both of you!!! As for explaining yourself...you owe no one an explanation!!!! You are the parent! If someone has questions look at it as an opportunity to enlighten someone about the multiple disabilities your daughter has & the challenges of raising a child with said disabilities! Never give up! Never let the system tell you no! I wish you all the best!!!!!

Answer 7

1st I'm disturbed by you refering to your child as a dog.  Very weird.  Maybe it was just a bad analogy.  Just this weekend I told my niece I couldn't get a puppy cause I could'nt pick up after p**p & that my daughter is fully potty trained & I don't plan on going back.... so maybe it's the same thing.. you were joking..

ANYWAYS...

If it's just for safety ... then I don't see why people would give you dirty looks.

Maybe they don't understand & they just feel sorry for her.

I know that when I raise my voice at my 4 y/o daughter my neighbors look at me like "omg... " as if I just beat my kid!

ppl will always judge....

So long as you're loving and caring towards your child..... I think that's all ANY child needs.

Being stern is good... more kids these days need it.

But always remember to give "lovins" as well.... lots of hugs and kisses.. lots of praise and lots of happy tones -handicap or not... we ALL need that.

Answer 8

Look i admire you're strength.    You sound like a wonderfully responsible mother and NO - DO NOT FEEL THE NEED TO JUSTIFY YOURSELF TO THOSE PEOPLE.  

You need to ignore those people.   if they have so much of an issue as to raise it with you then yes, tell them why.  but people will make their own judgements nevertheless.  You do not need to justify your actions to anyone. just know you are doing a great job as their mother and thats all.

Answer 9

Judging from what you have written , I can say you're a good and kind mother. I think it's your responsilibility to keep them safe, it's better if you yell at them and keep them safe. You can explain your daughter problem to them and how you have to be able to communicate right with them in order to keep them away from danger because even a second late could mean death. I hope you can explain to tyour neighbor and i hope they will understand .

Answer 10

while i respect your situation, i am repugnant to think you would refer to your disabled daughter, as like training a dog.................