Why shouldn't I be able to adopt?

Question

Since I was 10 years old I have known that biologically I am unable to have my own children. I would need a donor egg and doctors were fairly certain that I wouldn't be able to carry a child to term. So no matter what I will be raising someone else's child. This is more than fine with me, any child that will grow up in my home is mine. Unfortunately, many people on YA! don't feel that it's right for a child to be raised by anyone who isn't biological related to them. Can someone explain this to me?? Isn't the best way to "preserve the family" to develop strong ones??

Answer 1

Don't listen to the idiots that down adoption.  Those children need a home just like every other child and blood doesn't make a difference really.  All that matters is that you love a child unconditionally like they were born to you.  Adoption to me is a wonderful thing, it gives children without a home a chance at a life in a loving family home.  I have family members that couldn't have children and they adopted and they are so happy they did.  And some will say adopted children have more problems, no they don't all kids today seem to have problems even when raised by biological parents.  Think of it this way, when you adopt you are making the choice to love that child, you are proving just how much you want that child and you know it is a planned thing.  Look how many people get pregnant unplanned, aren't sure what to do and think about abortions but you, you are planning to give a child a home and choosing to take on the wonderful job of being a mom even though there is no blood connection.  Good for you.

Answer 2

Adoption isn't necessarily bad.  Just take a few things into consideration:

1.  Don't adopt a child who doesn't NEED a home.  Adopt through foster care.  Infants do not NEED to be adopted.  They need their mom's, not a substitute.  Kids in foster care NEED a substitute mom.

2.  Make sure you are aware of the loss that adoptees experience.  This affects some adoptees worse than others, and there's no way for you to know how much grief your child will experience.  But if you're prepared for this, you could be a GREAT mom!

3.  Make sure you are not adopting in order to fill a hole in yourself.  Learn to meet your own emotional needs.  Expecting a child to fulfill your emotional needs is a tall order, and they will ALWAYS fail.  Raising an adopted child cannot even compare to creating a child in your own body, and adoptees are not a REPLACEMENT for what you couldn't create on your own.

4.  Take care of yourself!  Again, raising an adopted child is not the same as raising a biological child.  You need to be able to take care of yourself, so that you have the ability to put all your emotional energy into raising your child.

5.  NEVER stop learning.  Keep reading, stay open minded, and listen, listen, listen.

You'll be a great mom if you can do those things!  Listen and learn.  This site may be hard to read at times, but it's a GREAT place to learn.  Good luck!

Answer 3

I am grateful that there are so many kind-hearted people who'd choose adoption.  I don't understand how anyone would put down another for wanting to raise a child as their own and offer it loving support, guidance, etc.  I think adoption is a wonderful choice for people who can't conceive and people who can as well.  The kids who are in the adoption system are going to be there whether someone brings them into their family or not.  I'm glad so many agree that adoption is a great thing or we'd have more children who were suffering through orphanages and foster families.

Good luck to you!  Family is more than blood and genetics.  Family is a loving environment with people who support one another and try to help each other reach their goals and potentials!

Answer 4

I am adopted, and anybody who disses adoption can talk to ME.  The people who put down adoption are typically the ones who have like twenty wild heathens running around that they can't handle; or they are the stuck-up yuppies who think that having a baby is the "thing" to do if you want to be socially acceptable and p.c.  I say ignore them; by adopting a child, you are giving a homeless child a loving home; that's something they could never do, their hearts aren't big enough.

Answer 5

I'm so confused.  I haven't read anything like what you're saying.  

The better question is, why do you think you deserve to adopt?  If someone is infertile, are they then entitled to adopt someone else's baby?  Should it be someone else's responsibility to provide you with a baby?  

I think it's fine for people to adopt children who NEED to be adopted, but no one is entitled to have a baby. You sound very selfish when you talk like that.  Adoption is about the need of the baby or child to have a home, not your need or desire to have a baby.

Answer 6

Please do not listen to the negativity you hear on this site- When I first came across it , I could not understand it either- however the longer I am here, the longer I realize, there will always be naysayers- and then there are a few who most likely really did have a bad experience- which I am very sorry about. You are right- even if that child will not be biologically yours, and you chose to adopt that child is yours. I am adopted and have 2 adopted children- and I have nothing but love and respect for my birth mom, but my adoptive parents are my real parents-  My question back to those who say that a child should not be raised by anyone but their bio parents- need to have lived with my husband's bio family and then they would change their mind= it matters not if you grew in your mom's tummy or in her heart.

Answer 7

First of all I'm sorry for your condition. A lot of people on here seem to think of adoption as a way of breaking up other families in order to make your own family without going through the challenges of pregnancy. Which is true in some cases (some women just want the 'easy way out'), but for you it's another story. I would look for children/infants that NEED to be adopted, versus one that you WANT to adopt but who doesn't necessarily need to be. There are many babies whose parents willingly give up for adoption because of financial problems, family problems, etc. And nobody can really say that these parents are wrong, because they decided that their child deserved a better future than what they themselves can provide it with. It must have torn their hearts apart to give up their own child. At the same time, there's also those who will say that these babies' parents are just getting out of their problems the easy way by shunning the responsibilities of raising another child.

My aunt and uncle couldn't have children (my aunt has a biological problem which prevents her from carrying a child to term, even though she could get pregnant. All her pregnancies ended in miscarriages, which was really sad). They adopted a baby boy from an agency (this baby was given up by his parents because they didn't have the money and support to raise him properly), and I can see that it was best for both them and the little boy - who's turning 6 in December. Then, they adopted another baby girl (given up for the same reasons) - she'll be 3 in October. My whole family loves them to bits, and I can safely say, for now, that I know they're having a better life under my aunt and uncle's care than if they had remained with their families - this is not arrogance, but it's something that I can SEE with my own eyes, and it's the truth (for my cousins - I'll not speak for every other adoptee on the planet). They may not know that they're adopted yet, but I believe that one day, when they're old enough, their adoptive parents will tell them. They may want to search for their biological families then, and it's fine.

I'm sure you'll make a good mum, because you want to be one. The only thing I'll say is, please don't destroy their birth certificates when you adopt and make it impossible for them to find their biological families next time. That's the most hideous thing you can do. The adoptees have the right to want to look for their original families if they want to.

Answer 8

A better question is why should you be able to adopt. Its not about you, its about  the child. Removing a vital part of a family is never a good way to make it strong. Destroying one family to create another is not accetable in my book

bring on the thumbs down

Answer 9

There are only a handful of people on YA! who feel that way.  Most on YA! feel that adoption is a beautiful thing.  I wouldn't base any decisions I made regarding adoption on what a handful of negative people on YA! think.  I am an adoptive mother of a grown daughter.  I don't think that she could be MORE MINE or that we could have a greater bond even if I had given birth to her.  That's how strong our attachment is to each other.  Adoption works.  Most adoptees lead a happy and productive life, are well adjusted, and love their adoptive parents.  

If you look at the number of people who post negativity, it is really a small number compared to the over all number of posts.  Also, keep in mind that many have several board names so there's really not as many as you might think who are negative toward adoption.

Accepting the hand you are dealt and making a plan to move on toward your goals to be a parent is commendable.  I wish you buckets of blessings and a house full of children.

Answer 10

Adoption is a choice, so I would say that its up to you! Why are you even comeing on here to look at what other people are saying? You just follow your heart and if you want to do a decent thing by adopting, then go for it. Good luck

Answer 11

Firstly, being for family preservation doesn't necessarily mean a person is totally against adoption.  I feel it is very important to make all attempts to preserve a family before having a child lost from the family.  I think it's preferable when family members (parents or otherwise) are able to raise a child.  But, I also know that there are times when this just isn't going to happen.  

I don't think people shouldn't adopt.  There are children stuck in foster care.  If no one adopts them, they will grow up in the system until they age out.  These children need families.  

Please don't feel that just because someone values family preservation means that the person doesn't support adopting children who have no family.  It's not that simple or black and white.

Answer 12

Wow.. I can tell people don't read a damb thing I say...

I AM NOT AGAINST ADOPTION OR FOSTER CARE.

I am against what you all let it become right under your arrogant noses..

Adoption is a privilege not a god given right. the minute you forgot this was the minute it became corrupted..

It really shows how ignorant you people are capable of being.. even at your best... ....

I am against these broken out of control profiteering psychopaths.. who corrupted this once good idea..

I am against a system where everyone knows it's broken... and corrupt... but still keep adopting children when 60% of them now days are stolen and did not need protection while kids like Baby Jordon, or Jeffery are left to die with abusive parents.. I am against children living like animals in foster care because you don't want anything but babies.. I am against systematic child abuse BY YOUR SYSTEM.....

I am against you who adopt a child then give it back cause you think it's broken... you take a child then that is that...

It happens 100X more then people think ...but you adoptive parents won't admit that hu?

All the children living in long term foster care... get thrown out with the trash... but hey you got your kid so who gives a c**p right?

Answer 13

There are thousands of children waiting to be adopted, why they don't deserve a nice warm place to call home, and a nice warm women to call mom, and for people on YA! to say its not right, is beyond me.

I believe its unfortunate that you cannot have your own biological children, you deserve to have children in your life if thats what you see in your future.

And I'm sure you will make an amazing mom, biological or not.

It's not all about the blood line, as long as you love your children and call them as your own, it can't get any deeper then that.

It's impossible for you to "preserve" the family, so you gotta take it how you have it, and roll with the punches, taking one day at a time.

Answer 14

It is not wrong to raise someone else's child, as long as that child is already free and clear for adoption and the mother and father have decided, with PROPER counselling on their choices that adoption is their plan.  (or a child is already waiting in care)

Answer 15

I am a birth mother of four very beautiful boys that I placed for adoption and I can tell you that even without meeting you just from your post that you would be a wonderful choice for a birth mother to make. The way you think makes it obvious that a child adopted by you would never want for love and stability and as a birth mom I cannot see a mom regretting giving you a child. I know that I would definitely give you a second look if I was looking to put my baby up for adoption. I hope you adopt at least one lucky child.

Answer 16

Being a mom is about so much more than biology.  Any child you take into your home to love and nurture is yours, whether it has your genes or not.  There are so many children out there who need loving parents.  I don't know where people are coming from to think there's something wrong with matching a baby who needs a mother with a loving mother who wants a baby!  And how much stronger can a bond be than being able to tell your adopted son or daughter that you CHOSE them and that they are your child because they are loved and wanted!

EDIT:  I don't know what the heck I'm getting all the thumbs down for.  Must be the same people who would rather murder an unborn child for their own convenience than give it to someone who can't have children who will gladly love and care for it.  It's not like they are stealing someone's baby.  Yes, it would be fantastic if all mothers would step up and raise the children they conceive.  But in a world where that just doesn't happen all the time, or a parent is unfit or dies, thank goodness for those like the asker of this question.

Answer 17

I don't understand what you mean. Adoption is an option open to alot of people.  There are thousands of children in need of homes and they all deserve a chance.

For the sake of the child though, make sure that child has the opportunity to know whose DNA he/she is inheriting - secrecy, lies and annonymity are not something you should inflict upon another human being's life in order to get what you want

Answer 18

Hon you’re barren because the lord made you that way. You need accept that you weren’t meant to be a mother. Go adopt a puppy at the shelter.

I’m just kidding there are lots of children that need to be adopted just look at all the kids in FCS and even children growing up in orphanages abroad. These kids need a family, love and stable home. Even some babies need to be adopted, I myself was a baby that being adopted was much better for me then staying with Genetic relations.  There is nothing wrong with adopting an infant. Just make sure the adoption is completely legal and that the mother gave her baby up willing, father signed away rights and was not tricked in too. Heck adopt a baby that has already been surrendered.

Educated yourself on how adoptees can feel, read books, prepare for any scenario. Read good and bad experiences and those in the middle.  Remember to always love your child no matter what they do or what they say.  There are some people here at YA that have good information and advice.

Remember that really the only big difference between a biological child and adopted child is genetics. Some may and do disagree with me on this. However I go by my own experiences, my parents did not raise me any differently then they did their biological children. Of other families I know who have both bio and adopted kids, it’s the same way.

Allow any child (ren) you adopt to be completely themselves don’t expect them to be like you.  Encourage them to be their own person and let them know its ok to be their own person.  That’s how it should be for any child adopted or not.

Answer 19

any child raised in your home, whom you love and they love in return is your child. love connects people beyond biology.

good luck.

peace.love.